Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Greatest Show On Earth

Come one, come all! And watch me, the amazing Jennifer and her equally amazing husband Jeremy change a diaper!

What? What's wrong? Oh, you don't want to watch that? Well, I can't say I blame you. See, I wouldn't want to watch that either. But a bunch of Chinese people at the Women and Infants Hospital where I had my 6-week check-up today sure did.

Today, Seoul is 6 weeks old which meant we were due back at the hospital for our check-ups. As we walk in, there are tons of set lights and cameras. We find out they're filming a TV pilot. Pretty cool! As the TV crew is invading Dr. Wang's office, she gabs with us in the lobby, fussing over Seoul and trying to talk me into having a 3rd kid. No. Nooooooo. NO. Let's just have this check-up, shall we?

Seoul and I are waiting for it to be my turn for the check-up. 
As we waited our turn, Seoul eventually became hungry and wanted to eat. One of the staff there offered me a more private place to nurse her, which I appreciated. As I sat feeding my baby, I listened to all the hospital sounds around me. I couldn't believe just 6 weeks before, I was stuck in the world's most uncomfortable hospital bed with IV's in my arms and a catheter in, well, you know where. And as I thought about all this, suddenly Seoul went PLTTHPPPTHHHHPPPPTHHHPLLLPPPPLLLPPPP!!!!!

An epic shit. Oh God. No. I am wearing a white skirt. I lift Seoul up and sure as shit (pardon the pun, won't you?) there is now a big, yellow blob of poop all over the front of my lovely white skirt. Thanks Seoul. Yeesh.

I head back to Jeremy who is holding the baby bag. He laughs but comes to my rescue, grabbing Seoul and handing me the wet wipes so I can clean up my skirt the best I can until I can get home to burn it bleach it. Jeremy begins tackling the diaper situation and I notice now that all the pregnant women and their annoying old-ass moms or MILs and even some husbands too are all crowded around us like are on a stage performing for them. I couldn't even believe it. I went to throw the diaper and dirty wipes out and I had to tell people to get out of my way when I turned back around. I have never seen more socially inept people all at once than I have in this country. It amazes me that these people would stand around to watch people change a diaper, especially when there is a whole production crew filming a TV show. Why aren't they looking at that?!? Sheesh!

After that, as we sat and continued to wait for my turn, I fed Seoul some more. I had my cover on but Seoul's little feet were poking out the other end. Some woman's mom who was waiting with her just came up way too close to me and was trying to grab her feet. "Leave us alone please," I said curtly and although she didn't understand English, she felt the daggers coming from my eyes and heard the tone of my voice. I can appreciate people want to be friendly but geez! This is what happens when an entire culture is raised by the grandparents. No one has manners. No one knows how to properly approach people and make friends. Why would they? When they're young, they're stuck with their idiot grandparents who only bring them around other idiot old people.

Anyway, on a positive note, Seoul and I checked out just fine and I'm all clear to exercise again. So back to my workouts I will go. And as for diet, if MIL keeps making shit like this, I should lose this last bit of weight by the time I go back to work in October.
While there, we visit with the nurses who took care of us during our hospital stay. They were so excited to see Seoul again.


  1. You'd think that with so many people letting their kids "go" in the most inappropriate places, the sight of a diaper changing wouldn't be so interesting.

    We are just back from a trip to Beijing, and I'm still processing. We were at Temple, which is a quite fancy restaurant there. The Chinese grandparents sitting next to us changed a baby's diaper right there on the banquette. Even my husband, who is Chinese, was appalled. The restaurant had immaculate bathrooms with comfortable benches, so there was no excuse.

    1. Maybe it's because they don't use diapers and let their kids go everywhere and anywhere like animals. Maybe the diaper itself is the novelty. Like: "Wow, look at that! They're using a diaper! Why don't they just the baby shit and piss everywhere like we do? That's AMAZING."

      As for changing in restaurants, I have but only in the small joints that have those scary-ass bathrooms. You know the kind of places. Where the only safe place is to push 2 chairs at your table together, lay out the changing mat and get busy.

      Did you see the news a few weeks back about the Chinese family flying from Beijing to Detroit that let their kid poop on newspaper in the aisle of the plane?!? Ugh!!!!

  2. Yep, I saw the news story. What I didn't understand was why the flight attendants didn't force the issue. I had a fantasy about the grandparents trying the same thing in the INS area of the Detroit airport... Ha ha ha.

    The bathrooms of China... The stuff of nightmares. Every trip there is one thing in particular that gets under my skin and I obsess. Last trip it was how difficult it is to take a walk without feeling like you are going to be mowed down, even on the sidewalks. This time it was bathrooms.

    1. I didn't understand that either. They've landed planes and made people get off for much more minor shit (pardon the pun) than that so it boggles my mind that they would just allow that to happen. Me being the loud American I am, I would have definitely spoken up.

      And as for the bathrooms, I actually made a list of the 12 worst bathrooms here in Qingdao. I had a friend who has actually seen worse than these - a room with holes in the floor and no partitions. I would have DIED. http://abroadabroadablogablog.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-top-12-nastiest-bathrooms-in-qingdao.html