Do you have kids? If you answered no, do you WANT kids? Well, if you answered yes, I'd like to describe for you what you're in for when you have kids. Plural. As in more than one. Because handling one is cake. Add one more though and what I am about to describe will soon be your life too.
The scene:
The Intercontinental, a 5-star hotel by the Olympic Sailing Port here in Qingdao. It's a lovely hotel (though not as fabulous as the Shangri-La, in my opinion) and on Sundays, our church hosts services in the large auditorium on the 3rd floor, which I never get to sit in on because just adjacent is a room for infants and small children to play in. As you may have guessed, Raelynn NEVER wants me to leave this room. EVER. Even though she's at the point that she completely ignores me while I'm in there. Until I try to sneak out the door that is.
Church ends and everyone is milling about, talking. Jeremy and I speak to some people we know but decide to get a move on to the supermarket as Raelynn is getting crankier by the minute. How do I know this? Allow me to illustrate with our actual conversation.
Raelynn: I don't want to stand right here!
Me: Ok, let's stand over there.
Raelynn: No! I don't want to stand there!!!
Me: Ok, where do you want to go?
Raelynn: I want to stand here!!!!!
Me: Um, ok...
As we get ready to depart, I ask her if she needs to use the bathroom.
Me: Raelynn, do you need to use the potty before we go?
Raelynn: No! I no use potty!
Me: Are you sure?
Raelynn: Yes, Mommy!
Me: You really don't have to make a pee pee?
Raelynn: No! No pee pee! Let's go!
So we go. We take the elevator down to the parking garage. We walk to our car. We get Raelynn all buckled into her seat. I get into the car with the baby (Jeremy STILL needs to get a car seat for her and please don't direct your bitchings at me that we STILL don't have one - direct them at Jeremy) and buckle up and that's when Raelynn says:
"Mommy, I need to make a pee pee."
Oh yes. NOW she needs to make a pee pee. When we are all in the car and my husband has lifted up the handbrake and is starting to shift into first and roll out of the parking space. Now, I must take Seoul, who is strapped to me and sound asleep in her carrier, along with Raelynn and me back into the hotel to use the bathroom before she pees on the car seat. I unbuckle Raelynn from her car seat and we walk all the way back into the hotel. We wait for the elevator. We take it to the lobby. We hit the bathroom closest to the elevators. Raelynn pees. I pee. Seoul cries because the sound of the flushing toilet startles her but then she falls back asleep. I wash my hands. Raelynn washes her hands. We dry our hands on paper towels and discard them. Then we wait for the elevator again. And take it down to the parking garage, where I buckle Raelynn back into her seat and get back into the vehicle again.
Yes, prepare yourselves, childless masses that want children. Because this will happen to you too. All the parents out there are laughing at this because THEY KNOW what this is all about. And you will too if you have children.
But it's not all frustration and chaos. Just some of it. Most of it, honestly, is filled with moments you cherish. Moments that make you feel so full of happiness that you could burst out rays of sunshine. And THOSE are the moments that you become a parent for. But you can't have those beautiful times without getting a few bits of shit thrown in for good measure. Remember The Facts of Life? You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have the facts of life? Ah yes. What didn't we learn from 80s sitcoms?
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