Friday, July 8, 2011

3 Cheers For The Bus Driver (UPDATED!!!)

The bus pictured above is from an entirely different city in China and is being used for illustration purposes. Because blogs look better with some sort of picture. This bus is much cleaner and nicer than the one described below.

Today, my husband invited his mother over. But much to my surprise, he had done so in order for the 2 of us to get out of the house without the baby. Since Raelynn survived almost a full week of Grandma's annoying voice, I figured she'd be just fine for a few hours. And so, Xiaolong and I set off in search of new decorations for our home (as we are trying to replace many of the things here since, if you haven't read any of my older posts, this home was a wedding gift from my in-laws and all of the decor is their horrible taste. For photos, see In-Law Interior Designs).

I must admit, Qingdao isn't as horribly hot as Florida though no one here cranks the A/C like they do back home. But now that it's July, there is little escape from the heat. As unfortunate as it is that people don't run their A/C as strong as they should when it's hot like this, it's even more unfortunate that the buses don't even come equipped with it. Opening the windows does make for a nice breeze but that doesn't cut it when you're so sweaty that your sweat is sweating. That's why I can't blame the bus driver on the number 4 bus for his outfit. Not entirely anyway.

I apologize that today was one of the few times I forgot to take my camera with me. Then again, maybe it is best I spared your eyeballs after all. My husband had his camera phone but the seats we found were on opposite sides of the bus from each other and a sea of smelly soap-less people kept each of us with our faces close to the windows. It was impossible for me to get his attention during this time. Plus, I had the better view of this shocking ensemble. The bus driver wore very short black shorts that he'd hiked up to his crotch some more and as if this wasn't nauseating enough, he wore a half shirt that exposed his flabby belly. Now, he wasn't horribly fat or anything though his stomach did roll over the top of those shorts. Anyway, he was in no kind of shape to go around in public like that especially while at work driving a bus! I stared in awe at this majestically disgusting creature as if I'd stumbled upon some alternate universe. Who let him show up for his job like that?!? And who let him perform his job in that outfit?!?

It made me think of that song we all used to sing as kids. Remember?
Three cheers for the bus driver, the bus driver, the bus driver!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
He drinks, he smokes, he tells dirty jokes!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
His eyebrows are mushy! He has a fat tushy!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
He drives off the road! He looks like a toad!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!

Well, his outfit inspired me to add my own verses to this campy song from my childhood. Feel free to sing them aloud to yourselves...
Three cheers for the bus driver, the bus driver, the bus driver!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
He wears daisy dukes! They reveal flabby glutes!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
His shirt shows his belly! It jiggles like jelly!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
Those shorts are so teeny! I almost saw weeny!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!
He looks like a troll with that tummy roll!
Three cheers for the bus driver who drove us today!

I could probably make more verses but for now, I think I've sufficiently laughed myself to death. Next time, I promise to take the camera with me in case we get the same bus driver when we take bus 4 or when we see other assorted fashion WTFs around here.

UPDATED!!!
Maybe those in charge of public transportation here in Qingdao are reading my blog. I say this because the bus drivers are now being made to wear uniforms. Perhaps because it is tourist season and the officials want people to come back to Qingdao again next year instead of scaring them away with nightmarish images of flabby stomachs jiggling with every bump in the road. For whatever reason, thank you! Now, if you could get people to use soap, stop spitting everywhere, and put diapers on their kids so they don't pee and poop all over the streets like dogs, that would be much appreciated.

2 comments:

  1. LOL!! Part of me wishes there were a picture.. but it sounds like we're probably all lucky there's not.

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  2. LOL! No photo needed. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete