Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Insane In The Brain

Apparently, my in-law free time does not include dinner, which already set me off this evening. I was putting the finishing touches on a panang curry and whisking fresh dressing for a salad when I heard a knock at the door. I smiled, thinking it was just my husband who, despite usually having his keys, will knock so Raelynn gets all excited about his arrival. But when I opened the door, it was the head troll, wearing the same mismatched shit she had on yesterday. Why are you here today? Dinner's ready. Oh, I see, because you think I can't cook for my child, so you must barge in here like this. She eats my food when you're not around acting like your dog food is superior to my culinary prowess. I hate you!

I scowl as I cart my lovely meal out to the table, though Raelynn makes me happy by eating the salad with me. Good girl.

I go ahead and eat even though I am so angry I'm not really hungry anymore. But it's fucking delicious and I need to eat for this baby anyway, so win-win. I try to relax and enjoy my food and something on TV and then, the doorbell. It's FIL of course and now I'm ready to fully strangle both of them.

Soon after though, my husband arrives. He can see I've plastered a big fake smile on my face but he knows I am about to rip out someone's throat, possibly his. I tell him quite calmly that I cannot take it anymore and this family is making me insane. Insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain. He does not get the Cypress Hill reference, sad to say, but don't hold that against him. He grew up in this country and was raised by morons. It's amazing he even knows how to tie his own shoes.

I eat my fill and move to the couch where I desperately try to block out the stupid by watching TV. But soon, my husband is yelling at his parents and I'm curious to know why.

I'll tell you why.

And this, my dears, is where I absolutely fucking lose the last of my mind.

I'd asked Jeremy to have the bed his dad was fixing up for Raelynn's room moved into the house this weekend so we can get Raelynn used to the bed before the baby comes. I mentioned that in the last post, fearing that it might be secured together with packing tape. I've been working very hard on her and talking to her about her getting a big girl bed and she seems very excited about it. Still, I'd be foolish to expect this transition to go completely smoothly and for her not to rebel (or climb out every 5 minutes to annoy us) so that is precisely why I've been pleading with my husband to get this bed moved in pronto.

We had shopped around for beds a few months ago and were going to buy one when those 2 imbeciles butted into the whole thing which was none of their fucking business to begin with and they said they would buy us a bed. Then they said they'd add a rail to the extra twin bed they have in their home and give us that. Trying to keep the peace, even though I preferred something nicer, I said ok, because quite honestly, we'll be working on moving away from this land of birdbrains soon. As long as it has something to keep Raelynn from falling out at night and no sharp nails poking out the other side of it, I'll be happy.

So FIL said he'd set to work fixing that bed up. And then all fell quiet. I'd ask and ask and be shut down about it, my husband too busy with soccer and some random clients on the weekends lately to deal with it. Last weekend though, I put my foot down. I demanded this bed get moved in immediately.

All this is back story to what I get hit with tonight...FIL starts talking to me, too quickly, I might add, and all I've understood from his rambling is the word "sleep." Wanting to be sure I understand, I turn to my husband who tells me his father is talking about the bed. The yelling was because my in-laws NOW decided that you know what? MIL wants to keep that bed so she can nap and we'll just buy you a new bed for Raelynn.

Um, what? What the fucking what?!? Don't buy me ANYFUCKINGTHING. Seriously. I picked out beds months ago with my husband and you all fucked it up. Now I am a few weeks away from having this new baby and you all shit up this fucking bullshit? I'm going to kill them. With my bare hands. Someone hold me back, please.

Jeremy translates what I've said, in a much more polite way, explaining that I'm now panicking because this baby will soon arrive and we must get Raelynn used to sleeping in the new bed so we need a bed for Raelynn put into her room NOW. As they discuss all this, I claw at the couch with my nails and try not to flip the fuck out. Surely my husband will come through on THIS situation, right?

Well, he might fuck it all up when it comes to giving me time and space away from these 2 nimrods but he solved this issue. Turns out the old bed FIL was modifying will come on over after all, and Jeremy's even lined up some guys with a truck to move it on in here this very weekend. So stay tuned for how this thing looks because I just can't even. This is going to be horrible, isn't it? I just wanted a nice princess bed for my big girl and now I'm going to wind up with something frightful. Even the bed Homer makes Bart would probably be better, right?

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