Freakout!

I am now 37 weeks pregnant. And as I come to accept this, I recall that my precious Raelynn decided to kick her way on out in grand splashy fashion at 38 weeks. I think about the moms I know who've just had babies of their own and now I know my turn is coming up again. Very quickly.

And I'm freaking the fuck out on this one. I hate giving birth. Is there a woman out there that enjoys this shit? Not counting Michelle Duggar I mean. I just want to get to the part where I'm holding this sweet baby. And then I want to get to the part where Jeremy, Raelynn, Baby and I are all at home learning to be a family of 4.

Oh God. Why did I want another baby? WHY?!? How am I going to get through this? How am I going to handle 2 children?!? I must be some kind of an idiot!

Ah but it's too late now and I love this thing that keeps kicking me in the ribs. And I'll be so happy to stop being pregnant soon. But the thought of delivering this child scares the shit out of me. Will I VBAC or will I stay with my scheduled c-section? I'm leaning toward the latter and then when I think about that, I realize that's 19 days away. 19 DAYS. And that's only if Dr. Wang still thinks July 24th is a good day for it. She might say we need to do this sooner (and my Auntie Jill is right now thinking, yes! Sooner! The 22nd! The 22nd! Which is her birthday, in case you were wondering...).

My husband is no help. It's not like he's not sympathetic and rubbing my sore feet and back. But he's so excited about the baby. Of course you are! You don't have to go through some horrible feat to get this kid out of my uterus and into the world! Gah! Bathtime is officially YOURS now, Honey.

So as I sit here, flipping my shit over something women have done for ages, long before epidurals and hospitals, I beg of you readers - friends, family and fans alike - please, please, PLEASE! Your best advice on how to take care of 2 children is greatly needed at this time as well as your prayers to endure it all.