Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...

After 4 years at KISQ, tomorrow will be my final day teaching there. Or teaching anywhere, because I'm seeking employment opportunities that focus on writing as I go into my future in America. I certainly don't regret this little hiatus to teach. I'm stronger for having done this. But teaching was never an official, permanent career change. It just was a way to be useful in the world. I got so much more out of it than that too.

I began teaching in Seoul as a means to an end. It was just easy pay. If you're good with grammar and spelling, it's an absolute cakewalk. Honestly though, I've seen people with lousy English skills teaching while I've been in Asia. I think many schools are just happy to have a native English speaker to stand in front of classrooms and look the part.

For me, it was more than looking the part. Sure, I went into it for a paycheck. But as I come out of it, I realize how much I've gained from this experience.

I taught children how to read, which is probably one of the things I will always treasure the most deeply about teaching. I remember a few years ago, I had a boy named Tony in my class. He was struggling to read when I first met him. I worked with him, patiently teaching him to sound out each word. And suddenly, like a bird taking flight, off he went. He went on to become one of my strongest readers. I had many like him who suddenly blossomed into fluency. Watching my kids get it was one of the best feelings I ever had while teaching.

I taught children how to remember the often randomly insane rules of phonics in my native English. I made them laugh while I did so, hoping that it would help them crack the code with every new word they'd learn. And when they'd read new words I'd never taught them without missing a beat, I knew I'd gotten through to them and it made me feel proud.

I gave these kids my all, every day. And as I get ready to leave, I realize they gave me so much too. They showed me that I could really be kind and patient. That I could really cut my own finger with the scissors and NOT shout out a profanity (I am still amazed by that one).  That I should always find the opportunity to smile and laugh. That sharing is love. That we should always make time to play. That teachers make fun monsters on the playground. That the stuff we learn in the books isn't all they learn from me - it's my speech patterns and my informal lingo that they love to mimic the most (beware: there are a bunch of Korean kids who now happily go about using "dude" and "bro" and "you must chill!" in daily conversation).

I've had 4 different classes over these last 4 years. The first group of children is now in  4th grade. Because living abroad is a transient experience as families will come and go like the changing tides, many of the children I had in my first year at KISQ are gone. Five of them are still there though. One of them, Wendy, said hello to me today in the cafeteria, as she often does. I looked at her and nearly cried. She was so tall now, and even more beautiful than she was as a kindergarten child. I couldn't believe that she was getting close to being my height! Her English was fairly good when she was small. Now it's excellent. I wish her well and tell her how lovely it's been to watch her grow up, and then I tell her I'm moving away. She looks sad too and I realize I must keep a smile on my face and not cry. God. I'm going to cry. No, not here. I can't. Somehow, I get away before my tears betray me.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I did find out more of who I am by teaching these children. I found a reason to be proud of myself. Sure, I survived in advertising but could any of those people be strong enough to suddenly uproot their lives and move to two different countries to do a completely different job from what they'd ever done before? I learned I could adapt. I learned I could work with people from different backgrounds who didn't even speak the same first language as me. I learned what it was like to be responsible for something so much more important than words on papers designed to motivate people to buy something.

Through all my classes, this year has been my favorite. I started with 9 children. Two of them left within the first 3 weeks due to an issue with the school's bus pickup times. Then I was left with 7. I've always had at least 15 children each semester. Having so few was really a nice way to end my time teaching here. In a smaller group like this, I had more opportunity to work with each of my students to help them improve where they needed strengthening. And we all got to know each other better overall. So maybe that's why it's so hard to say goodbye to this bunch.

Last week, Jinny parted with us as her family moved back to Korea. Today, we said goodbye to Chris, who will be moving down to Shanghai. And now tomorrow, I will say goodbye to Ann, Jaeseo, Rachael, Jason and Joy. I've known Ann, Rachael and Jason since they were only 4 years old, when they were in the baby class.

I'm so excited for our move to the US in just a few days. It's something I've wanted for so long but of course, parting is such sweet sorrow for the wonderful relationships I've created over here from my friendships with other teachers, the few friends I've got out here still (and the ones who are already back in their home countries who I still stay connected to and my darling students who kept me feeling young and in turn, will stay forever young in my heart. 

Sciencerific

Last week was really hectic. Our new English teacher started, taking over for Jon, my old work BFF, who taught the 6 year-old class. Cedric, the new guy, was a splendid choice. Not only is he doing an awesome job with the children but he's also totally cool. Plus, his wife is due with their first baby in early June and she might actually be the one who will take over for me. It would be ideal.

Anyway, in addition to helping guide Cedric with the weekly teacherly tasks and such, we also had Science Week. For all previous years, we had a Science Day. This year, Christina wanted to make it a week of science. It sounds like much more work but it wasn't. Each day, I had developed a new topic for the teachers to discuss with their students. Every teacher had the freedom to choose HOW they would teach the topic to their students.

The one thing that stayed the same was having the children create some sort of science-related display. Even Raelynn had to do one.

Well of course I helped her! She can't write by herself. But she chose butterflies as the topic. She colored the picture and then I sat her down in front of the computer and Googled butterflies for her. I read to her some cool stuff about butterflies. Then, I picked a few of the cool things we learned and wrote them out for her. After that, I traced the title and turned her loose on tracing everything else. She really loved doing it and wants to do more science projects.

Here's some of the other ones. It's not as exciting as last year, but I attribute that to less kindergarten students this year. Also, we had some students that didn't make anything. Bums! Ha!

There were some odd things this year too. One of them was created by a girl in Raelynn's class. It is just a box with snacks taped to it. Have a look see...

 A big thanks to Cedric for taking this photo and the next ones that follow. What is up with this so-called science project? Snacks taped to a box. With no explanation. We theorize that perhaps wee Elin wanted to see how long it would take before 1) mice came to eat it, or 2) one of the other children ate it. It turned out to be the latter, for we found some of Cedric's students had creeped off the chocolate that was on the top.

Being punished for that didn't stop them from continuing to do so. Or from attacking another not-so-scientific science project.

 Joy, who is a lovely girl in my class, made this structure out of uncooked spaghetti and marshmallows. I have no idea why. I cringed when she gave it to me though. Do you know why? Because my first thought when I saw it was "bugs." I wondered just how long it would take before bugs would begin to tuck into this. My second thought? "How long will it take until one of the children pilfers the marshmallows?" Well, if that was her intended experiment, then I'd like to report that it took precisely 1 week. It would have been sooner if not for Elin's snack shack.

 If you look more closely, you can see someone has taken bites out of the marshmallows. That someone was Alex. Boy did he get in trouble for that!

I already warned Cedric that next year when Science Week rolls around again to gently remind the parents not to use anything edible or else I'm sure he'll be emailing me more photos like this.

My Incredibly Incompetent Assistant

Ever since the semester started, I've wanted to write about this but I thought, hey, give the girl a break. After last week though, I can no longer restrain myself from shouting from the rooftops that my assistant is totally useless.

I know, I know. I only have 2 more months of enduring her before we move away (HOORAY!) but I seriously am about to lose my mind. See, this year is different because my sweet Korean teacher and director, Christina, has to now teach Korean to our 7 year old class AND the 6 year old class. AND be a director. So to ensure we'd have assistance when needed, the school took the cheap way out and hired another Chinese teacher. Now we have 3 Chinese teachers, one for every kindergarten class.

This was SUPPOSED to make my life easier. But it hasn't. And Christina feels my pain. We sit and laugh over the things my Chinese assistant does. We laugh because it's funny. We laugh because we can't believe she could be that dense. We laugh because we can't believe this is happening.

So what did my Chinese assistant do? Well, for one thing, she's lazy. I've said it before in this blog - Americans get a bad rep for being lazy. And there are many lazy Americans. But in China, they take lazy to a whole new level. She's supposed to take out the trash in our classroom every day yet I need to chase her down to do it. She's supposed to stay in my classroom during English time but she often vanishes and it is ALWAYS when I need her help. When she IS in the room, she's playing around on her phone. I give her tasks to keep her busy and she always does a half-assed job on them or asks me if I'm going to help her. Um, no, sweetie. I'm supposed to be teaching these kids English. That's MY job.

My annoyance with her began to grow when they FINALLY hung my boards back up in my classroom, after 6 weeks of school. There had been a lot of back and forth with the chairman who wanted new boards but decided that hanging the old ones for now was better than having bare walls. So up they went. The problem was that the wooden borders made it look worn and old and it clashed with the new wood floors, wainscoting and wallpaper. So the other teacher had made borders and I thought that was a brilliant idea. I enlisted my Chinese teacher for help. I had to nag her several times but she finally finished cutting them for me. Then I asked her to put them up. She seemed confused as to why SHE should put them up. I have class, you dope! The students aren't here to sit and watch me have an awkward conversation in Chinese with you and watch us put these borders up! Derp!

I help her with some of them during snack time. Then I have a free period and I figure she'll do more with it later. But no. She doesn't do anything else for it. I figure when she comes back for my next English class, she'll get busy on it. But she doesn't even come back there and as I teach, I'm fuming that only one of my boards has most of a border on it. Lazy cow.

I had a lot of other stuff going on so my free time was filled with those teacherly tasks. But as I knocked out each thing I had to do, my borders just sat on the shelves, being ignored. I was so angry I just slapped them up there during one class when my kids were occupied with a writing assignment.

I created a birthday board with little cupcakes for each month. I made candles with each child's name on it and put them on the proper cupcakes. She laminated the cupcakes but only because I asked her to. I also asked her to cut them out, which she did begrudgingly. Prior to this, I'd made a "Happy Birthday" sign and asked her to laminate it for me while I was in class. I didn't realize then that I should have told her to cut it as well. She just laminated it and left it on my desk. Christina and I laughed about that one.

But this week, she made me so angry that I actually left the classroom. I had to. Because if I didn't, I knew I was going to scream at her and I couldn't do that in front of the children. What she did made me realize she isn't just lazy. She is also stupid. So incredibly stupid I simply cannot fathom what it must be like to be this dumb.

When they hung my wall boards, they also hung the ones in our gallery. Each class has to make a display on it. Teachers design the display and decorate it but we must use something the children make on our boards. So I looked online and found a delightful spring idea with a tree and butterfly cutouts as the leaves.

That's awesome, right? I thought it would be fun since I only have 7 students and we could see how many they could cut out. Anyway, I made a template and started tracing the butterflies so that my kids could just cut them. If I didn't have to let the students help, I would have just traced a few and then cut several at once. But that would defeat the purpose. Eventually, I was running out of time and had to go to my next class. So I asked the Chinese teacher for help.

My Chinese is not excellent. But it doesn't completely suck either. I called her over and showed her the photo above. I told her I was going to do this for my board and that I wanted the children to cut the butterflies. To be sure she understands, I point at her and tell her, "You trace these," and I hand her a pencil. Then I very sternly tell her "DO NOT CUT!" I tell her this 5 times. I point at the scissors and make the "NO" sign with my hands. And she tells me she understands.

I go and teach class and at the end of it as the children are packing up to leave for the day, Dummy trots back in holding the butterflies. She cut out every single last one of them. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I stare at her incredulously. What an absolute imbecile! I bet MIL was this dumb at this girl's age too.

I glare at her and tell her, "I said DON'T cut them." And she realizes suddenly, "Oh! Don't cut them!" THAT IS WHAT I TOLD YOU IN THE OFFICE! I SAID DON'T CUT THEM! GAH! But instead of shouting at her, I just stalk down the hallway to the office. Christina is in there and when she sees my face she looks alarmed. I tell her what happened and she's as annoyed as I am.

Now I had to start all over again, tracing on new little squares of colored paper because she screwed it up. She wasted all that paper, though I did turn it into hearts and made her glue them onto the border of our classroom mirror. Part of me wonders if she's really that dumb or if she just messes up everything so we'll stop asking her to do anything. I won't be surprised if Christina has her fired after this year. I don't think she's thrilled with her Chinese lessons either.

When I told Jeremy what I'd told her about helping me with the butterflies, he assured me she was the idiot here. He said I'd explained myself properly in Chinese and only a moron would have done what she did. So there you go. She's an idiot. I feel sorry for the teacher who will replace me but at least that person will have borders up on the classroom boards now. When I leave this place behind, it will be hard to say goodbye to some people at the school, like Christina, or Kelly - Raelynn's teacher. But I will not miss my lazy and dimwitted Chinese assistant, that's for sure!

Engrish Names

The last couple of times I tried to poke fun at the Engrish I found around me, it turned out that those things were totally legit. See here and here for those. But this time, I have some real Engrish for you! I promise!

Lately, I find myself becoming more and more frustrated with being here. Not just China specifically, but with Asian culture as a whole. No disrespect. It's just hard being a fish out of water. It's hard walking down the street for exercise and seeing elementary-aged children shrieking "foreigner" in Chinese while pointing. It's hard to endure certain tidbits of the cultures (especially my in-laws!), even if there are still things I do find endearing. I just need to go home and I want to before I lose all love for the continent that more or less shaped my 30s.

One thing has always driven me crazy here. And lately, it's making me so nuts I cannot even pretend it doesn't bother the crap out of me.

Engrish names.

What is an Engrish name, you ask? Engrish names are the bane of my existence. As a professional writer and as a paid teacher, when a new student joins our kindergarten and the mom INSISTS on making the Korean name into an Engrish name, it makes me stabby. It is SO hard to smile and politely suggest something else. "No, no. I want to call my kid (insert Korean name spelled phonetically here)." Yes, what a brilliant idea. You want to send your kid to an INTERNATIONAL school and then give them a name that no business associate will ever be able to properly pronounce. Good job.

Last year, I had a lovely little girl named Juily. When the semester had started, I asked my work BFF Jon, who had her the year before, if her name was July. No, Juily. Despite his protests to the mother to spell her name Julie as is traditional, the mom insisted it be spelled this way. Because she's some English expert. Oh, I mean ENGRISH expert. Of course!

I've also had an Anny and Micky. This year in my daughter's class, she has a friend named ReiRei, which is Chinese last I checked. And in Jon's class, he has a boy named Onyu. I once had a Camille, which was fine except that all the Korean teachers had made her name tags say "Carmill." And no one noticed until I came along. *facepalm*

Come to think of it, the Korean and Chinese teachers have been rather entertaining when it comes to labeling the students' things. Like when this happened, for example. Why they don't just ask the English teachers to look it over first is beyond me. I'd rather stop them from making an Engrish mistake before it shows up in print. Sadly, no matter how many times I offer my assistance, I will always find something like this...

In Jon's class, I can tell you he has a darling little boy by the name of Philip. Not a darling little boy named "Philp." His name is spelled correctly on everything else. This is what happens when the school decides to make my poor Korean director in charge of teaching Korean to Jon's class AND my class. She had no choice but to siphon the task of name tags off onto the Chinese teachers, who are all lovely people but not English experts in the slightest.

Just below "Philp," you can see "Juile." Which SHOULD be Julie. This year, we have a REAL Julie. Again, her name is correct on everything else. This is not a crazy mom issue. This is a typo. Thankfully, Bonnie there is spelled properly but I'll be damned if I can't get these people to stop calling her "boney."

The New Old School

Tomorrow is the first day of classes at school. Last week, teachers had to show up to start getting ready for the new school year. But this year, it's been a bit of a challenge because the school underwent a massive remodel. In fact, it's still happening but classes will still begin tomorrow.

The school was a bit dumpy, but hey, it's China. And there are much worse schools here. It was functional but becoming more and more outdated by the day. The chairman decided to revamp everything. After all, this is a private international school. It should look more like one than a dusty old Chinese building, right? Right!

So please, come with me and see my new old school, which I'm sure based on the title of this post alone, my dear friend Kary Drake (see? I made you famous again girl!) might have mistaken for a post about our old dancing days in the club circuit with our awesome JNCOs. I tried to find some old posts with photos of how things looked before, but I'm afraid I don't really have anything. You can check here for my old classroom and here for the school lobby. I'm really surprised and mostly delighted by the changes because when we went on winter break, I was just told we'd get wallpaper in our rooms. I had no idea they were going to go all out.

For my friends who formerly worked here with me, this is the hallway just outside 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade. It looks way different now.  Though I am perplexed about the bright electric pee-colored glass where the boards used to be. I'm not sure how work is supposed to be displayed on those.

The elementary girls' bathroom was a nasty dump before. This looks classy, though I do feel like I've stepped into a high-class KTV karaoke bar or something. Hurry up with my whiskey, damit! Oh, wait...I'm at school...never mind...

 Funny story...our kindergarten bathroom was being worked on and therefore, unusable. So I ran here to the elementary girls' bathroom to go pee. Only this is what I found. At first, I flipped out because ZOMG! Toilets and no stalls! How do we go to the bathroom with no walls?!? Is this Sochi? But then I realized the toilets weren't even hooked up yet. Here's hoping those stalls were built over the weekend. This is such a great improvement because all through the school, every bathroom had squatters instead of toilets. Except kindergarten of course. Because we rock.

 Here's the other side of that bathroom, by the way.

 This is the lobby. They've built some interesting bench thing that needs a paint job or cushions, or both. And we are sporting an enormous garbage pile in front of kindergarten.

 We got new desks in the kindergarten office! So much nicer. I'm not sure how I feel about this old lady wall paper everywhere but the light green is really soothing at least. Oh and we got new floors. FINALLY!

 Kindergarten hallway. For those who have been here before, they got rid of that hideous transom that was over the door you see at the end of the hallway.

 Down this hall and to the right is the kindergarten bathroom, still under construction. I hope it's finished for tomorrow or else we'll have to take the kids over to elementary every time they have to use the bathroom.

 Our activity room looks like it will be closed for a while. Hey kids, want to play in here? Yikes!

 Walking down the hallway toward my classroom...

 Kindergarten library which I fixed up myself...

 Aside from the floors that need to be hit by the cleaning people and the big cable in the back which I left out so the proper people could deal with it, this place is ready to go.

 All we need are some nice table clothes. I hate that they didn't replace our tables and chairs. These things are so worn out!

It just needs a good cleaning on these floors here...and for those holes to be covered in the walls. There used to be a big, long sink in this room when I first started here and a year or so ago, they got rid of it. It sucked at first because we were accustomed to taking the kids there to wash their hands or rinse of paint brushes instead of going all the way to the bathroom but we've learned to deal without it. Still, I sure hope these holes are covered for tomorrow, or else I bet some curious little children will be turning the valves within.

My friend Jon's classroom is the first on the left, and mine is at the end just before the big white door. The construction crew left so much crap in the hallways and this is AFTER we cleaned it up.

Jon's classroom looks nice now though he got stuck with pink walls. He has my old classroom that I had when I first started at this school. After one semester though, they moved my class into the room I now have.

Which is this room. I like it better. I think it's bigger but if it isn't, it always has seemed bigger to me. My room is not as complete as Jon's. Why? Well, for one, dig on those missing ceiling tiles. My floors also need to be cleaned by the cleaning crew.

And then there's this of course. The electricians came by and went all down the hall. They came in through the big white door next to my classroom but somehow, they skipped right past my room and did EVERY other switch in the kindergarten. You have got to be kidding me! This better be repaired when I get in there in the morning or I am going to snap. They also skipped over my room when it came time to mount my flatscreen back onto the wall. Morons!

More of my classroom.

My makeshift desk until the new teacher desk arrives.

And finally, I leave you with this sea of metal parts that are the bases for all the desks in the rest of the school. They were assembling these all day Friday. It's my guess they were still doing so the rest of the weekend.

I'll take photos tomorrow and let you know what is still being worked on and how it all goes. Wish me luck!

People Suck

Sometimes, people just suck. I've been meaning to write about some of the suckier ones I've unfortunately encountered but other stuff's been popping up. After today though, I'm ready to snap, so I need to vent. And believe it or not, MIL and FIL are not on this particular list. They suck, for sure, but this is strictly about encounters with strangers who totally blow. So, join me for a tour of suckage, won't you?

The Gaggle of Suckotrons at the Metro
Around the end of October, we had gone grocery shopping at the Metro. This was while Raelynn was adjusting to being back at school and Jeremy and I were working tirelessly to correct the negative behaviors his mutant parents had encouraged while I was out on maternity leave. We were on line waiting to pay when Jeremy plucked Raelynn from the cart. She wanted to stay in the cart but she was crushing our bread and some other items, and she wasn't happy about being suddenly removed and made to stand. And into a tantrum she went. Jeremy handled it expertly, giving her a stern warning to correct her behavior (she was hitting him and shouting) or else he'd put back the bag of pretzels she'd wanted. The bad behavior continued so I fully supported my husband when he took the pretzels out of our cart and put them back. Raelynn wailed and wailed and still continued this epic tantrum of embarrassing proportions. So, with Seoul strapped to me in the carrier, I snatched Raelynn under one of my arms and dragged her out of the store.

There's a glass-enclosed exit area where, in the colder months, various vendors have other items to sell, like overpriced Belgian chocolates or plants. I carried her there and set her down to wait for Jeremy. The people at the chocolate booth started to come over and try to offer samples. I did not want people giving my kid candy during her tantrum, like people here are known to do. As I'm yelling at Raelynn to stop this insanity now and mentally lamenting that I didn't get the car keys from Jeremy, I look up and see some college-aged girl from some volunteer group booth taking my picture with a Nikon. No fucking joke. And that's when I absolutely lost it. I began screaming at her in a mixture of English and Chinese and as she snapped away, I flipped her off. Then and only then did she turn away in embarrassment. I struggled with Raelynn some more and now about 20 people had congregated to stare. Bunch of suck-ass fucks. The security guard then approached me and I thought he was going to offer Raelynn some candy as she writhed on the floor like a total jerk while I desperately tried to pick her up without dropping Seoul from the carrier. But he was the only one of all those people - now more had gathered - to even bother to help me out. He picked her up off the floor. And he said nothing judgmental at all. Thank you, Kind Metro Security Guard.

Shortly after this, which incidentally, felt like 1,000 years but was more like 10 minutes, Jeremy emerged with our cart of groceries and he, who usually implores me to be patient with the people of China, totally told all of them off. My hero husband. I love you. Thank you for chasing the suckos away.

The Sucky Nosy Lady on Our Street
Maybe a week after the Metro incident, this next mess occurred. Raelynn was also prone to throwing tantrums when I woke her up on the school bus once we arrived at our stop. I tried everything I could think of - punishing her, keeping her awake, offering a reward for waking up without pitching a fit - but every time, it was agony. I felt like the bus driver hated us. I wouldn't have blamed him.

So I drag her kicking and screaming off the bus and ignore the usual stares. Then she tries to dart away into the street. So I grab her, carry her to a safe patch of sidewalk and give her a spanking for doing such a dangerous thing. She cries and says she hates me. I then tell her she's in big trouble and I'm taking a toy from her. Now she changes her tune. She's sorry and crying and just a total mess while I tell her I'm not speaking to her for now. As we're talking and walking, and she's crying away, some nosy lady skitters up to us, like that small yippy dog that always followed Spike the Dog in the old Looney Tunes cartoons. And like all idiot people here, she tries to interfere. In Chinese, she asks Raelynn why she's crying. We ignore her, as we're talking to each other, and keep walking. She persists and keeps bothering us. So finally, I stop and turn to her and in Chinese I tell her to mind her own business, and that my child is crying because she was being bad and now she's in trouble. The woman stares at me. Again, I repeat myself. And she still just stares as if I'm speaking some alien language to her. Finally, I shriek at her to fuck off and get out of my sight and she hightails it out of there. You, Sucky Nosy Lady on Our Street, suck tremendously.

The Sucky I-Can't-Believe-It's-A-Girl Lady in the Restaurant
On Sunday after church, we went to our favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant. We requested a private room and as we were led there, a woman around MIL's age (perhaps slightly younger) who was seated at a table we passed became overjoyed at the sight of Raelynn and the baby. So she popped into our room and asked if she could take a look at the children. Sure, we say. She makes a huge deal about how gorgeous Raelynn is. And then she turns to the baby and she says it must be a boy. Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy, right? Um, no. She is also a girl, I say, giving her the eye. And then the woman complains to my husband that I frowned at her about this. He tells her that she's rude for judging us for having 2 daughters, that we are very happy to have 2 daughters and that we didn't want a boy. She leaves and loudly complains about us to her table in the main part of the restaurant. Asshole. You suck for thinking a boy child is better than a girl child.

The Sucky Mom Who Basically Called Me Fat
As you know, I had my 2nd child in mid-July. I work. And when I come home from work, I have maybe an hour or 2 before my baby gets tired and cranky and wants to sleep. That time before sleep is filled with nursing her, bathing her, singing her songs, playing with her, talking to her and other Seoul-and-Me things. How I would love time to get in a real workout but this time will pass all too quickly and I don't want to miss a moment of it. So I'm not yet a stick again, like I'd hoped. I lost about 22 lbs. from breastfeeding and have remained at the same weight no matter how much or how little I have eaten since. Every chance I get, I am moving around during my classes and trying to take advantage of the general activeness of kindergarten children.

This week, we have optional PTA meetings. Of course, for my class, the only parents who want to meet with me are the parents of my very best student. I have nothing new to tell them about their wonderful daughter so I have no idea why they want to have a meeting. It's always this way for the 2nd semester. For 1st semester, meetings are mandatory. But when they are optional, it seems only the good students' parents want to show up. So for my fellow kindergarten coworker, Jon, the parents of his student with the best English skills came in for a meeting today.

The meeting was toward the end of the day so I guess his parents just stuck around until the children were dismissed. Before bringing my students out to their school buses, I popped into our office to grab my coat and change into my outdoor shoes (we have to wear slippers inside the kindergarten) and ran into the mother of this boy. I greet her and as I'm slipping into my coat she asks me, "Oh are you expecting a baby?" I freeze, with one arm mid-sleeve and stare at her. Christina, my Korean teacher, looks appalled by this woman and even though I've said nothing yet, knows me well enough to know how pissed off I am. My pleasant smile dissolves instantly and I cast her an icy glare. "No, I just had one four and a half months ago, but thank you so much for calling me fat," I tell her. She gives a half-assed apology and I give her the mean-girl laugh. If you know me, you know EXACTLY which one. She is just lucky she's a parent of one of our students because if not, I'd have tore her a new one.

The funny thing is, I was feeling pretty good about myself until that moment. And even funnier is that woman was in the room when I was pumping my breast milk during my break time. Yes, I'm pregnant AND pumping milk. Moron. The only wise thing she did was stay out of our office and away from me after insulting me. Talk about the height of rudeness. No, my stomach is not flat yet. I have 2 beautiful daughters to show for it though. Some day, I will get my body completely back in shape but for now, I have to take baby steps to get there. I know that I will never regret spending time with my girls. Sure, it's disappointing to not have bounced back but I'm not 20. I only LOOK 20. Ok, 28. But still. It's a work in progress and I really resent some sucky bitch asking me if I'm pregnant when I'm not even close to looking like a pregnant person. Even a pregnant person in the early stages of pregnancy. Yes you, Thinks-She's-So-Perfect-Mom, suck most of all. 

By the way, some good did come out of the first 2 encounters with sucktastic people...Raelynn has learned her lesson after being punished for her bad behavior. That, coupled with limited time with her grandpa, has left us with a wonderfully well-behaved little girl who no longer throws tantrums in an attempt to get her way. Thank goodness, on so many levels, especially so that I no longer have to endure gaping stares from sucky strangers on the street.

Kids Say The Darndest Things Again

You can always count on kids to make you laugh. And sometimes they're the most hilarious when they don't even know it.

I've blogged about this before, which you can check out here, but it's been a while. This one comes to us courtesy of the other kindergarten teacher, Jon. We laughed for a good 20 minutes about it. You probably will too.

It's the last word.

See it?

Dick.

Bwahahahahahahaha! It's made even funnier with "lick" right above it. "Dick" should have said "dock" but I guess this particular student got confused with "lick" and put an "i" instead of an "o." Funnier for us though. Ah, Word of the Day! Creating fodder for us English teachers to help us endure the work day!

Losing My Marbles

With a title like that, you probably think I'll be launching into my next tirade about MIL, but this one's about school. And it's really not that much of a rant. Just a bit of whining.

See, for the last few years, ever since I started this job, I used play money in my classroom. The idea was to use it to reward my students for good behavior and completing tasks and to punish them for breaking the rules. It also had the added benefit of teaching the children to keep track of their money and having them learn how to take pride in saving it. By the end of each school year, none of my children ever spoke Korean during lessons. And every single one of them could count all their money by themselves. Not one parent ever complained to me or the school about it.

Until this year.

When I came back from maternity leave, I'd found that my Korean teacher and kindergarten director, Christina, had told the substitute not to use my play money system. Long story short, I was told that now my class size was 16, down from 20, and that 2 of the students left because of my system. I highly doubted that was true and my Western boss, Patrick, had the same feeling. But he's a fair guy so he had me send home a letter to the parents asking them to rate the play money system and write any comments they had. Patrick said if it was only a few parents complaining, we could ignore it, but if not, we'd have to tweak the system a little bit.

Incidentally, I seriously call bullshit on any of those children leaving because of the play money system. One boy left to go to ISQ, the best and most expensive international school here. Two girls and a boy left to go to Chinese school instead which often happens when families plan to stay in China for a while, or if they are half Chinese. One girl left but I was never told the reason. Her English was outstanding and she was well-behaved so she'd won at the end of a couple of months for having more money than the others, so I doubt her mom would have complained about that. And the other child that left was that The Chihuahua and while we're all delighted he's not there, his parents didn't pull him out because of the play money system. By the way, I'm sure you're doing the math and saying that doesn't add up. True that I suck ass at math, my math is not off here. I had 2 new students when I returned, and thankfully, both of them are great kids.

So the letters went home and then they came back. Most of the comments were in Korean so we had them translated. Two comments were written in English and those parents rated my system well. They expressed that they liked the system for its' many benefits and felt it was important to use to help teach the children how to mind their manners, be responsible and keep track of money, among other things. I had a few others saying they also liked the play money system.

And then there were about as many negative comments. But the comments were absolutely ridiculous. I do believe people are entitled to their opinions but, when someone basically tells me "I think you should only use it to reward the children," or "it causes children to tattle" (newsflash - EVERYTHING causes children to tattle!) I think their opinions are stupid. If you dislike the system, so be it, but don't make up idiotic reasons to tear it down. The worst was someone complained their child never won and was always losing money. That was likely someone whose child broke our class rules and didn't do their work. But no, that's all MY fault, isn't it? Couldn't be your child's fault now, could it? They ran down the hall so just blame me because it's not like I don't have "No Running" posted in our classroom or I don't tell them not to run every time they get up from their desks. Nope.

This group of children and their parents are unlike any other group. Their level is the absolute lowest I've had. And it's no wonder - the parents don't hold their children accountable for their behavior and don't have them study anything outside of school. Once they go home, they're overindulged and watch things in Korean. They don't practice anything in English. Yet their parents expect a miracle. I have about 5 students that are doing awesomely because their parents actually push them to. One is Heathen who, as you may recall, has other issues but his English skills aren't one of them. He has a tutor 2 days a week and it shows. He's weird and annoying, but talking to him in English is a treat. Like today on the playground. I see him picking his nose. So I tell him, "Hey Heathen, don't pick your nose. That's gross." And freak that he is, turns to me and says, "But I like picking my nose." Lovely.

Anyway, we decide that we should just change the system and make it simpler because obviously this is too much thinking for these people to do. We change it to marbles. The moms send in clear plastic milk bottles and the school orders me marbles. I tweak my system a bit and send home an updated list of rules, along with a list of what will be rewarded with marbles and what behaviors will cause students to lose their marbles. Christina explains to the children in Korean after I tell them in English.

And the marble system is going great. It looks prettier too and I don't have to make tons of copies of paper money, cut it out, laminate it and cut it out again. Christina also made a sign for it because our Open Class is this week. Tomorrow, actually. And somehow, I'm not nervous, though ask me if that's still true tomorrow.

It looks nice, huh?

But wait...what's THAT? That sign, between the bottles...

"Caught...being good." Oh and yes, to my best friend Lauren who loves Overboard as much as I do, someone DID give their child the English name of Roy. It brings me great joy every day to picture Kurt Russell saying, "His name is Travis." Ahhhh.

In any event, while I did come up with "Shoot for Success" on the sign (Christina just helped make it pretty because she's awesome like that), I did not sign off on this little thing. Which she mounted on foam board and was all proud of. Oh. God. No.

She originally wanted to put it on the good sign, just to the right of "for" but I told her I didn't like it there. She was so proud of it I couldn't tell her I hated it. And she's one of my bosses so I can't just tell her that her idea is stupid. Oh Christina. I love you to pieces but noooooooooooooo. This is awful.

I relented and suggested putting it where you see it in the above photo. It was my hope that there, it's less noticeable. I know why she did it though.

Because of all these whiny give-my-kid-a-trophy-or-reward-for-everything parents. Christina was just trying to appeal to them. Sure, they get marbles for being good. But they lose marbles for being bad too. I get it. I truly do. But it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I hate the way the future looks with these kinds of kids in charge of the world. That seriously scares me. And it should scare you too.

Please Don't Give My Kid Candy

It's not that I'm opposed to candy. Hell, I love the stuff. Especially chocolate stuff. Oh man. And I surely don't mind Raelynn having some of it here and there. But if you read my post from yesterday, you know I don't want Raelynn getting any kind of treat when her behavior is bad. Unfortunately, other people are just as clueless as my FIL on this matter.

It never ceases to amaze me how many Chinese people can try to butt into something that doesn't concern them in the slightest. People on the street will come running up to us to tell us something idiotic about our children. When Raelynn was a tiny baby that couldn't even walk, a man ran across the street to tell me she wasn't wearing shoes. Yeah, no shit dumbfuck. I dressed her. She's A BABY. She can't walk yet. She doesn't need shoes. She's got thick socks on her feet to keep them warm and toasty.

But it doesn't end there with people telling you how to dress your kid. And by the way, no matter HOW you dress your kid in China, some fuckface will come up to you and tell you your kid is too hot or too cold. Yes, because YOU know what MY kid needs. Hey, I know what you need...a throat chop. Get lost! Yeah, people here are beyond nosy. I'm sure they're trying to be helpful so maybe I should cut them some slack but I am soooooooooooooooooo sick and tired of the stupidity here. I find myself shouting "Serenity now!" like George Costanza's crazy father in Seinfeld.

As promised, FIL didn't come to wait at the bus drop-off today. I tried to keep Raelynn from falling asleep on the bus but my efforts were all in vain. She was cranky when I woke her up, willingly flopping herself on the floor of the bus aisle and crying like a baby. I shout at her to move it or she's in for it and she miraculously obeys, though continues the crying. We're the second-to-last stop. A Chinese teacher gets dropped off last. I forget her name but she's wonderfully nice. She's helped me out before when Surly was, well, surly.

She and I were also pregnant at the same time. She had her first child, a daughter, 3 months before my Seoul was born. When I came back to work, we happily showed each other gobs of photos of our tiny babies. I generally like this woman. But today, I did not like her. Not one bit.

As we make our way to the front of the bus, Raelynn wailing away like the drama queen she often is, the Chinese teacher says, "Oh no! Don't cry! Have a piece of candy!" And I stop her. "Uh, no thanks. She doesn't need candy right now. She's not being very good," I explain. And I keep moving with Raelynn toward the exit and the Chinese teacher, who has understood exactly what I've said (her English is very good) tries again to give her the candy. "No," I say even more firmly this time, "She doesn't deserve candy for acting like this," and I physically have to push the candy away from my daughter before we get off the bus. Raelynn cries for about 2 more seconds and then promptly stops. We walk home and she behaves. She walks all by herself without me carrying her. She even carries a bag of sweet potatoes from our field trip to the ultra-lame potato farm (please don't ask, but if you're a friend of mine on Facebook, you can see the photos there).

I'm furious that people try to undermine my parenting here. FIL. People I know from work. Strangers even. Is everyone here really truly that socially awkward? Maybe I'm the one that's crazy but if a child's parent told me their child shouldn't have any candy, I wouldn't press the issue. I would stay out of it. Jeremy's even had enough of it. Not too long ago, Raelynn threw a fit at church and he took her out of there while I was outside the auditorium with Seoul. As I followed them, a Chinese lady and her small son followed, all the while the woman is telling her son to tell Raelynn not to cry. Seriously. People here just don't get it. It's no wonder children here are terrible. Why wouldn't they be? No one stops them from behaving like monsters. Oh she's crying, and not because she's hurt. She's crying because she didn't get her way. Here, let's give her a treat so we can reinforce that rotten behavior so she always acts like a jerk and cries for more candy. I'm sure she'll be a well-balanced adult. Yessssssssss!

I seriously think everyone needs to read this article about raising a generation of helpless children. Because it's true. Especially in China. I want to stay in touch with this Chinese teacher when we move. I want to see how her daughter behaves when she's Raelynn's age. It doesn't take a genius to predict that the girl will be a total brat thanks to her grandparents spoiling her and her own mother awarding her candies when she fails to obey her requests. Get ready for it!

Surlier Than Surly

I was expecting my first day back at work to be much worse. But you know what? It was pretty nice. I have a few less students than last semester, but the ones that have returned were being so good today. Some of them even told me, "I missed you," which made my heart melt. It was a nice distraction from missing my precious Seoul, who survived her first day in the care of the head troll, thankfully.

At the beginning of last semester, you might recall the problem I had initially had with Surly. He was the bus driver that was too lazy to drive an extra couple of minutes to my stop. It bothered me for many reasons, the first of which was because I was pregnant. Secondly, I had Raelynn with me. And thirdly, because students are required to pay a bus fee, I'd PAID for bus services for my child. You can read more of the Surly saga here.

Anyway, today I was expecting to see our pal Surly when we got on the bus. But instead, there was a woman bus driver. I talk to her briefly since she doesn't know who I am. I tell her where Surly had been dropping us and she says "hao hao" which is "OK" in Chinese.

But as we get to the last stops before ours, she speaks to some of the Chinese teachers on the bus and now she doesn't want to take Raelynn and me to our stop because of the same lazy-ass reason Surly had given! See, just before you arrive at our main road, there's a street she turns right on where she is to drop off the bus when she's done dropping off the students and teachers. It is no exaggeration that this is just a couple minutes from our destination.

Now I'm livid. This woman is now telling me via the Chinese teachers she's about to drop off just before her beloved right turn that she doesn't want to take us there. I PAID FOR BUS SERVICE. Why is this so difficult? Why is it an argument with these people EVERY fucking time I need them to do their jobs? I hate people here. Seriously. Something is totally fucking wrong with you if you can't 1) do your job and 2) if you'd leave someone with their small child far from their bus stop.

She's pulled the bus to the side of the road and turned it off, refusing to budge until she makes some phone calls. She calls the school but can't get anyone there who has any information about the bus routes. So one of the Chinese teachers helpfully suggests she call Yang Shufu, or Surly himself. After talking with him, she huffily says she'll take us to our stop today but not tomorrow. "She says maybe you should take a different bus tomorrow," one of the Chinese teachers explains. Which is EXACTLY what Surly had said last semester. He gave me so much attitude until he realized I was married to a Chinese person. Maybe I should have told this bitchy bus driver that too.

She starts the bus and proceeds but she turns down a side street that's parallel to mine because she doesn't want to have to make the u-turn that Surly always made after she drops me off. U-turns are legal here unless otherwise posted, in case you were wondering. So she arrives at the intersection of Harbin Road and Nanjing Road and instead of turning left at the light to officially bring us to our stop where the city buses also stop, she turns right. Because she doesn't want to make that u-turn. And because it's totally normal to send someone with a small child to cross a very large and busy intersection even though they paid for the bus service.

At this point, Raelynn has fallen asleep so now I must take my bag, her bag and my other bag with my breast pump, not to mention Raelynn herself, off the bus and cross the intersection twice to get to where the actual bus stop is. The surlier than Surly bus bitch was saying something to me about my daughter being asleep as we got off the bus. Some sort of "isn't that cute" kind of remark and I told her I hoped she got mauled by a bear. But I doubt she understood since I have no idea how to say that in Chinese. I'll talk to the school about this mess in the morning and if they can't help me, I'll ask the gals that translate there to help me say "I hope you get mauled by a bear" for my next encounter with that bitchy bus bitch or anyone else who doesn't want to do the job they're paid to do.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho...

Tomorrow, it's back to work I go.

Technically, last week was the last week of my maternity leave. But much thanks to the Chinese National Holiday that was going on this week, school was closed so I couldn't return to work until tomorrow - Monday, October 6th. I'm very thankful to have had this time off, and even more thankful to have had an extra week on top of it because honestly, it went by way too fast.

I wish I could stay home with Seoul all the time. I'm going to miss her and you know I'm not at all thrilled about having to leave her with the idiots. But going back to school means Raelynn goes back too, and she needs school. She needs to get away from the idiots even more than Seoul does. Raelynn's behavior has become worse from being subjected to them. Seoul's just a baby who drinks breastmilk and sleeps most of the time. I just hope my in-laws remember to be sanitary. God, please let them be sanitary. And please let this kid take to bottles of my breastmilk as well as she's taken to drinking my milk straight from the tap.

And please, let my students have mercy on me. Augh.

I'm kind of looking forward to seeing those little munchkins. Some of them anyway. The Chihuahua is gone, thankfully, as are a few of my other students, some of which I liked a lot. And you know, it's not a bad job either. I work with some really nice people, so I guess it could be worse. Like some jobs I used to know.

But anyway, I've mentioned before that my dad carries a card in his wallet that says, "Don't be sad because it's over. Be happy because it happened." And that is exactly what I'm going to try to think of tomorrow as my maternity leave/vacation becomes a thing of the past. I'll think of those wonderful moments I've had during this time, the most notable of them being the birth of Seoul. How about the first time we went out as a family of 4? That was nice. Then there was the time I dropped ice cream on the baby's head. And who could forget our trip to Guangzhou? We also celebrated our 4th anniversary. And then we got that wonderful letter from the US Embassy approving us to begin Jeremy's visa process, which we're currently in the middle of.

Now I've got the future to look to. The rest of the visa process which will be a long and windy road well worth the travel, another package on the way from my folks (thanks again Mom!) and even better than that...2 months paid vacation in January and February PLUS a visit from my parents during the Chinese New Year. But in the immediate future, I look forward to shortly after 4pm tomorrow, when Raelynn and I will get home and I can hold my sweet little Seoul in my arms again.

A Real Pregnant Pause: Enter Maternity Leave!

Today was my last day of school for the semester. School actually ends on July 9th but because I'm officially into my 9th month of pregnancy, it is time for me to rest up before the baby arrives. I'm so happy to have 3 months off but I'll miss the daily buzz that comes with work. I'll even miss some of my students though I do not have to miss The Chihuahua. He's been absent all week and we have been told will probably not be coming back next semester. I know it's going to sound mean but YAY! Teaching class without him constantly causing disturbances has been so wonderful this whole week, for the other students as well as for me.

This morning as I settled in to finish my last schedule and newsletter, I was suddenly surprised by my coworkers with a cute little baby shower. Being as hormonal as I am, it brought tears to my eyes. I never had an actual baby shower when I was pregnant with Raelynn though my parents and my brother and his wife gave me gobs of gifts when I was 6 months pregnant with her. They truly thought of everything. I never had a baby shower in China for Raelynn because at the time, we'd just moved here and we had no friends yet. And now with this baby, it seemed silly to have a shower, since we have pretty much everything we need. Lots of hand-me-downs for this kid plus a few random new things.

And now here they were, busting out a cake and a big box full of lovely gifts from each of them. My buddy and work-brother, Jon, was kind enough to take these photos with his iPhone.

It was all very sweet. They sang "Happy Baby To You" while I tried not to laugh into the cake.

Here's a look at all the awesome stuff they packed into the gift box...

 Teacher Monica went to Beijing last weekend and hit up the IKEA. You can never have enough Kladd Smultron, I always say. I mean bibs. Kladd Smultron sounds like a name I'd have made up for a robot. Cute bibs though!

 A mobile, which is really sweet because this was one thing we never did get when we had Raelynn.

 Ah, now I don't have to worry about the girls fighting over spoons. Raelynn is SO territorial about her spoons now so this puts my mind at ease.

 It's one of those little cozy baby sleep sack thingies. MIL had bought one for Raelynn way back when but this one is much cuter.

My buddy Jon and his wife gave me these adorable onesies in various sizes. Adorable!

 I love that this says "Baby Plus" on it. Baby plus what, exactly? Or do you mean this is an extra baby? Baby Engrish. Bonus!

One Chinese teacher gave me this wonderful bag of assorted rattles. If you've ever had children, you know the more rattles, the merrier. This is a welcome addition to our current rattle stash.

 The other Chinese teacher gave us this cute set of little instruments. We had something similar for Raelynn which she destroyed in due time since, you know, it's all made in China. But this one seems a better quality. Still, we'll have to tuck this one away so Raelynn doesn't break it before her little sister gets to enjoy it.

And finally, a little sippy cup from IKEA. Another thing that Raelynn would have gotten territorial about if the baby didn't have one of her own...even though Raelynn is wayyyyyyyyyyyy past using sippy cups.

This sweet little surprise was a fabulous way to kick off my last day at school. I'll miss everyone but I'm sure 3 months will fly on by. I hope with it, the baby weight flies off too. Happy Maternity Leave to me!