Surlier Than Surly

I was expecting my first day back at work to be much worse. But you know what? It was pretty nice. I have a few less students than last semester, but the ones that have returned were being so good today. Some of them even told me, "I missed you," which made my heart melt. It was a nice distraction from missing my precious Seoul, who survived her first day in the care of the head troll, thankfully.

At the beginning of last semester, you might recall the problem I had initially had with Surly. He was the bus driver that was too lazy to drive an extra couple of minutes to my stop. It bothered me for many reasons, the first of which was because I was pregnant. Secondly, I had Raelynn with me. And thirdly, because students are required to pay a bus fee, I'd PAID for bus services for my child. You can read more of the Surly saga here.

Anyway, today I was expecting to see our pal Surly when we got on the bus. But instead, there was a woman bus driver. I talk to her briefly since she doesn't know who I am. I tell her where Surly had been dropping us and she says "hao hao" which is "OK" in Chinese.

But as we get to the last stops before ours, she speaks to some of the Chinese teachers on the bus and now she doesn't want to take Raelynn and me to our stop because of the same lazy-ass reason Surly had given! See, just before you arrive at our main road, there's a street she turns right on where she is to drop off the bus when she's done dropping off the students and teachers. It is no exaggeration that this is just a couple minutes from our destination.

Now I'm livid. This woman is now telling me via the Chinese teachers she's about to drop off just before her beloved right turn that she doesn't want to take us there. I PAID FOR BUS SERVICE. Why is this so difficult? Why is it an argument with these people EVERY fucking time I need them to do their jobs? I hate people here. Seriously. Something is totally fucking wrong with you if you can't 1) do your job and 2) if you'd leave someone with their small child far from their bus stop.

She's pulled the bus to the side of the road and turned it off, refusing to budge until she makes some phone calls. She calls the school but can't get anyone there who has any information about the bus routes. So one of the Chinese teachers helpfully suggests she call Yang Shufu, or Surly himself. After talking with him, she huffily says she'll take us to our stop today but not tomorrow. "She says maybe you should take a different bus tomorrow," one of the Chinese teachers explains. Which is EXACTLY what Surly had said last semester. He gave me so much attitude until he realized I was married to a Chinese person. Maybe I should have told this bitchy bus driver that too.

She starts the bus and proceeds but she turns down a side street that's parallel to mine because she doesn't want to have to make the u-turn that Surly always made after she drops me off. U-turns are legal here unless otherwise posted, in case you were wondering. So she arrives at the intersection of Harbin Road and Nanjing Road and instead of turning left at the light to officially bring us to our stop where the city buses also stop, she turns right. Because she doesn't want to make that u-turn. And because it's totally normal to send someone with a small child to cross a very large and busy intersection even though they paid for the bus service.

At this point, Raelynn has fallen asleep so now I must take my bag, her bag and my other bag with my breast pump, not to mention Raelynn herself, off the bus and cross the intersection twice to get to where the actual bus stop is. The surlier than Surly bus bitch was saying something to me about my daughter being asleep as we got off the bus. Some sort of "isn't that cute" kind of remark and I told her I hoped she got mauled by a bear. But I doubt she understood since I have no idea how to say that in Chinese. I'll talk to the school about this mess in the morning and if they can't help me, I'll ask the gals that translate there to help me say "I hope you get mauled by a bear" for my next encounter with that bitchy bus bitch or anyone else who doesn't want to do the job they're paid to do.

Don't Poke The Bear

If you've ever been pregnant, or like me ARE pregnant, you know how your hormones can seriously make you feel like you could snap a person in half like a twig with your bare hands. If you've never experienced pregnancy first-hand, perhaps you have known a pregnant person (sister, cousin, friend, co-worker, etc.) and if so, hopefully you haven't done anything to incur their wrath.

Because to piss off a pregnant woman is totally like poking a bear. A big mean, mama bear who will crush you like a fucking bug, rip you from limb to limb and rip out your vital organs one by one.

But let's say you're a person who has no clue how to keep from severely pissing off a pregnant woman to the point of no return. What about those people?

Yes, exactly. You're a dumb ass to the extreme if you do that. Guess who's on today's dumb ass list?

Surly the Bus Driver caused me to come thisclose to a homicidal rage. I seriously doubt that if I had killed him anyone would be upset by it or blame me in the slightest. The bus Surly drives has windows that do not open. There is a ceiling hatch toward the front, right by where I sit with Raelynn. There's also one in the back. When weather is nice, opening these provides a lovely breeze. There's also air-conditioning. Which you have to practically beg him to turn on. Today wasn't too hot but because it had rained earlier in the day, I guess Surly shut the ceiling hatches to keep from getting the seats wet. But the rain was long gone when we got on the bus to go home. I fanned at myself desperately and even loudly mentioned, in Chinese, that it was hot. But Surly didn't take the hint. Why should he? He's a man in China that drives a bus and sits next to the only opening window on the bus for that matter.

He starts the engine and I have a brief glimmer of hope that he'll turn on the A/C today. But no. He keeps driving and I feel my blood start to boil and pound in my head. Kill, kill, kill! The first grade teacher also rides my same bus and recently, had an unfortunate accident while walking about, causing her to break her foot and hobble around on crutches. I seriously SERIOUSLY contemplated taking one of her crutches to bust out the windows. Or smash Surly in the head.

I turned to one of the Chinese teachers on the bus and asked her to help me ask him to please at least open the fucking ceiling hatch. At the next traffic light, Surly saved his life by complying with that request. Somehow, Raelynn slept through all this which is odd because usually, when she's too hot, she refuses to sleep. I guess I got lucky with that today. Once the air started circulating through the bus, my urge to kill began subsiding. I still feel a twinge of rage though at Surly and other people in Asia in general who do not open the windows on a nice day to circulate the air or turn on the A/C. There is a special place in hell for people like this.

Just as my rage was subsiding and I was finally mellowing out to some tunes on my iPod, we get to our stop. FIL is there waiting for us as always. He boards the bus to help me carry Raelynn. I'd put a very light sweater on Raelynn this morning because in the morning, she needed it, which is the nice part about June in Qingdao. But in the afternoon, especially on Surly's bus of hellish heat, it wasn't necessary. She didn't want to wear it anymore and I couldn't blame her. On Fridays, the children bring home a bunch of extra stuff so there was no room in her bag for the sweater. There was no room in my handbag either so I just tied it to the straps. As FIL starts to lift up Raelynn, he points to the sweater urgently, like it's so fucking cold outside that she needs this sweater. I suddenly wished I'd found a way to make that sweater fit in the bag so he would shut the fuck up. He kept gesturing toward it wildly and I snatched my bag away from him and hissed. Seriously, I hissed. Like an angry animal. I gave him THE meanest fucking look I've ever given him and told him to go. Which in retrospect might have pissed him off because "gao" (pronounced "go" by most Chinese) means "dog" which is considered insulting but my first instinct is to speak in my first language and I can't help that. But I make no apologies because this man doesn't deserve them. I've been pissy with him since he screamed at my husband and insulted our parenting. Go fuck yourself, FIL.

Even if we had been on the best of terms and this occurred, I think what FIL did next was extremely passive aggressive and fucked up to do to a woman who is in her last week of her 8th month of pregnancy. He walked ahead of me carrying Raelynn, which is no big deal since I'm pregnant and obviously a lot slower now. But when he got to our building door, instead of holding it like he's done many times before as I was just a few steps behind him, he let it shut, which causes a loud clanking sound. Shockingly, Raelynn slept through this still. What the fuck is wrong with you that you would let a door slam in my face to be an asshole to me so that you can potentially wake your grandchild who NEEDS that nap she's taking?!? He did it again when we got up the stairs to my apartment. He didn't shut the door completely so I didn't need to dig for my keys but then again, perhaps he was trying to keep flies and mosquitoes out which maybe I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on this door-closing. But the building door? No, that fool did it on purpose.

Once inside, he of course was looking for Raelynn's blanket to put on her. He's at least been going for a light sheet I showed him. But last night in the very wee hours, Raelynn came to sleep with us and brought her light sheet with her. I'd forgotten to put it back on her bed. So FIL is asking where it is. I go to get it and before I can turn around, he's snatching it right from my hand in my room. Seriously, FUCK YOU FIL. You are so lucky we weren't in the kitchen and near the knives because I would have cut you. And my husband and your wife would not have been angry about that. AT ALL.

In fact, some good did come of this. When Jeremy arrived home, I told him what had happened today. He was talking to his mom about it and she said from now on, she would come meet me at the bus stop. And she promised that while we were in the hospital having the baby, she would not leave her husband alone with Raelynn. She's slowly but surely learning to adjust to our blended culture, even though her cooking still sucks. But I'll take her shitty cooking in exchange for the safety of my daughter any day.

Surly's New Song

It seems that after Surly the Bus Driver discovered that my husband is Chinese when he saw my in-laws at the bus stop, he's done a complete 180 on his attitude toward me. He's totally singing a different tune. I know the school probably talked to him about it too, but I doubt that's why it changed. My husband agrees: Surly is now nice to me because he considers me Chinese by marriage.

On Thursday, when Raelynn and I got on the bus, no other teachers or students were on yet. But Surly was perched in the driver's seat. In the front row, a bus driver from another bus was sitting shooting the breeze with him. I greeted them and sat in the 2nd row with Raelynn. That's when Surly asked me if Raelynn's father was Chinese. I tell him yes and that his parents are the ones who have been by the bus drop-off waiting to help me carry my child home. He says she looks just like me and doesn't even look Chinese. I smile and tell him she looks just like her father when she's sleeping. It's true. I know Raelynn doesn't look very Chinese. I think she's got the most beautiful blend of our features, don't you?

But perhaps if you didn't know my husband, you would never guess Raelynn is half Chinese. She looks almost exactly like me when I was that age too.

And again today, when Raelynn and I went to get on the bus, Surly was there. He actually jumped up from the driver's seat and pulled Raelynn up so that I wouldn't have to try to lift her up the stairs. I was beyond shocked at this display of kindness. But something even more astonishing occurred a short while later.

All through the drive today, the bus would turn off when he'd roll to a stop. This isn't a very big deal over here because many drivers do it on purpose. I find it odd, especially since I am pretty sure that every time you start up a vehicle, that's when it burns up the most gas. But everyone does it here. I listened to my iPod while Raelynn slept. Just after we hit the second-to-last stop on Fuzhou Road, leaving just Raelynn and me on the bus, the bus lurched to a stop. Surly tried and tried but the engine would not turn over. He gestured to me to wait just a moment and he made a phone call. I could only understand bits and pieces, but the person on the other line was telling him to refill a fluid of some kind. I watched as Surly topped off the fluid and then he hopped back in. The engine fired up after a few tries but the gears were not letting it go. The bus had officially broken down.

I knew I'd have to take a taxi, but what completely took me by surprise was how Surly helped me with my bags AND then waved his arms like a madman at a taxi about to pass by. AND he ran up to the taxi, put my bags in with me and told the driver where to take me even though I was capable of doing that myself.

I called Jeremy from the taxi and told him to call his parents and have them meet me at our building instead of the bus stop, but they missed his call. I tried looking for them by the bus stop but I didn't see them. I was on my own with Raelynn and our bags up 6 flights of stairs. It sucked, but I did it. I had to stop on the 3rd floor and rest before I kept going. It made me wish they were there. But worry not...they soon found out from my husband what had happened with the bus and rushed to our house. They scolded me for carrying so much weight up the stairs but I had no choice. What was I supposed to do...stand out in the cold and wait for God knows how long until they came? I'd been home about 10 minutes before they finally arrived.

All's well that ends well, I suppose though I'm still quite stunned that Surly even went to all that trouble. I hope that maybe with this new song he's singing that he'll be nice to all people who need a hand, not just people he perceives as his own kind. But that's a good lesson for all of us now, isn't it?

Surly The Bus Driver

I don't have an actual photo of the bus driver in question, but I think this classic Chris Farley image will do just nicely.

Since I've been teaching at my school, I have always taken taxis home. For about 25 yuan, I'm back home in 20 minutes. Which was great because it gave me more time to spend with Raelynn. But recently, due to taxi drivers and their fares alike taking to using apps on their phones so that they may order a taxi to their location, it's made flagging one down so much more difficult. Now that I'm entering my 5th month of pregnancy AND I have my small child to cart home with me every day, I signed up to take the school bus.

In the mornings, I still have my driver of the last 3 years, Hao Shufu. But in the afternoons, there's no telling what part of town he'll be in so he can't pick me up. Last year, I started taking the school bus in August when there are absolutely no taxis, thanks to the beer festival and all the mutant tourists. It's air-conditioned and it sure beat sweating my ass off on the city buses.

The city buses aren't a good option for me now either. I have to change buses downtown and then when the second bus takes me to my stop, I've got to cross a huge intersection. This was no bother before I was pregnant. And it would be no bother if I weren't hauling around Raelynn. In August when I started taking the school bus, the driver would drop me off at a city bus stop that was still a bit away from my home. Meaning I could not walk there. I either had to hop on a city bus or have the good fortune to catch a taxi. This was when Gargoyle was the driver.

I called him Gargoyle because he was an old, bald Chinese guy that very much resembled a gargoyle you'd see perched outside on the ledge of a library, courthouse or other city building. He had little regard for traffic laws, swore loudly into his phone and just barely rolled to a stop to let you off before zooming away again. Gargoyle's bus was this ancient thing that smelled like rotting cheese and wheezed as much as he himself did as it climbed up hills. The brakes always felt like they were going to give out at any second too. I think all of us were relieved when Gargoyle's bus broke down and they commissioned a nicer bus for our route.

But this bus is driven by Surly. I only rode the bus with Surly in charge a few times last year. And then I resumed taking taxis. Now I have no choice but to be a passenger on the Surly Bus.

I asked the school if the bus could perhaps drop me closer to home so I wouldn't have to cross a dangerous intersection with a small child while pregnant. The bus coordinator at school talked to Surly the Bus Driver and told me it was no problem. On Monday, however, Surly gave me problems. Lucky for me, one of the Chinese teachers that takes that bus gets off just before me. She speaks English well too. She happens to be 8 months pregnant and had asked if she could be taken closer to her home, also on Harbin Road like me. Surly, despite agreeing to this with the bus coordinator, started to turn right on the road that comes just before Harbin Road, telling us this was the end of the line. She explained to him that we were pregnant, plus I had a now-sleeping child on my lap and it was only a short distance away for him to drive us. He begrudgingly agreed and swung the bus back north to Harbin Road, made the left turn around the roundabout and sped along. It took 2 whole minutes from the point where we had to coax him to do his job to drop us off. Yes, 2 minutes. God! How out of the way Pregnant Chinese Teacher and I are! How inconvenient for Surly!

Incidentally, this was the only time I have EVER been happy to see my MIL. She was waiting by the city bus stop where Surly let us off. I was grateful for her help because trying to get down the steep bus stairs with my bag, Raelynn's bag AND a now-waking-up Raelynn, all while pregnant is much harder than I expected. I was worried I'd fall or drop her, or both, so it was nice to have MIL's help.

On Tuesday, I spoke to the school again about Surly. I told them what the pregnant Chinese teacher had said that Surly had said. They told me again to take this same bus, that this was his route and not to worry. So on Tuesday, Raelynn and I again boarded bus #6. As we sat there before the bus departed, Surly got on and he said something to the pregnant Chinese teacher, who turned to me and said that Surly wanted us to get off his bus and take a different bus. My friend and colleague, Patrick, piped up from a few rows back and told me not to get off the bus otherwise I'd wind up with another driver who didn't know where to drop me. I yelled that the school told me to take this bus and if he had a problem with that, he better consult the school. Pregnant Chinese Teacher politely translated that and Surly shut the fuck up and drove the bus, telling Pregnant Chinese Teacher that we had to take a different bus tomorrow. Oh really, fuckmunch?

Today, Wednesday, I marched upstairs and spoke to the bus coordinator via a translator at school. I detailed Surly's stupid comments and told them if I am to take another bus to please tell me which bus so I can stop having these annoying arguments with Surly in a language that I speak so poorly everyfuckingday.  I'm not getting off a bus my school tells me to take because he, a bus driver, tells me to take a different one. You are NOT the bus route coordinator! I'm sorry it is your lot in life to drive a bus. I don't think anyone truly grows up and WANTS to become a bus driver, do they? And this is no offense to all bus drivers, but all offense to Surly. If you don't want to drive a bus full of Korean children and their teachers to their bus stops around town then FIND ANOTHER FUCKING JOB!

Incidentally, Surly the Bus Driver left some students sleeping on his bus last year and drove past their stop. At the end of the line (likely where he tried to boot me off), he kicked them off the bus. They were new to China and didn't speak any Chinese and had no idea where they were. The children called their parents in tears. Understandably, the parents complained. Who wouldn't? I would have gone in with a lead pipe to the guy's kneecaps but that's just me. Yet, he is STILL driving a bus for our school. If this happened in the US, this guy would never be allowed to drive a bus full of children ever again. It amazes me that this kind of crap is tolerated here. When I told my husband about the Surly situation, he said that with Chinese people, when they tell you no about something they have to do, you have to be pushy and argue with them until they agree. *facepalm* Yes, really. This is among the many things that are severely wrong here. What Surly and those like him don't realize is that I will go to war on your ass. Which is precisely what I did.

The bus coordinator and the translator tell me to check back in the afternoon as they would check out if I needed to take a different bus or stay on the same bus. In the afternoon, I was promised that bus #6 was still my bus, and Surly's boss had said so. They said Surly would not give me any more problems. I told them he better not or he'd be the first bus driver ever to get a black eye from a pregnant woman holding a toddler.

And what a pleasant surprise...Surly shut the fuck up and drove the bus without so much as a huff. Finally, I can enjoy the silence of no bitching from Surly AND a sleeping angel on my lap.