Add This To My List

You know, it's not just my in-laws who annoy me here. Other expats can, well, kind of suck. Let's not forget this cow at church. There's plenty more where she came from too. Like this sellout. Urgh.

As we get closer to moving, I put up an ad on one of the email groups for Qingdao. I listed a bunch of crap we're getting rid of along with prices and my contact information. There was a frenzy for our coffee maker and grinder, which I wound up selling to a woman I've known here for a while. I don't see her often but she's genuinely lovely. She was also the 2nd person to email me about being interested in purchasing those items. The first person was only interested if the coffee maker brewed more than 6 cups (it didn't).

Beyond that though, I had some inquiries about some toys. One of my friends will buy some of our toys and my small dumbbells. Another asked for photos but discovered the toys were not suitable for her older boys.

That's all fine and good. But the kicker was one woman who messaged me that she was VERY interested in any children's books we had for sale. It was hard for me to round up all the children's books we won't be taking because Raelynn would come right along and steal them away. I finally managed to do it when the trolls had taken her to their home. After a dinner out on Friday night, Jeremy let Raelynn stay at their house of gross. Let's not get into that. It did wind up being useful for rounding up books and toys from her room unobstructed though.

Anyway, I take photos of some of the books and send them to her. She tells me which ones she wants and I tell her the prices. "Keep them coming!" she tells me. Because we live far, I offered my purchasers the chance to meet me downtown at the Crowne Plaza hotel at noon on Sunday, when church would be finished. My friend buying the coffee maker and grinder arranged to have another mutual friend come pick it up as she was unable to and a nice Russian lady asked if she could meet me there to buy some books from me. Another one asked us to leave a book with a friend of ours and get the money from her.

The lady who wanted the children's books also asked to meet up with us at the hotel.

Then last night, I got a text message from her. She asked if it was possible to meet us before church services because they usually eat and then nap around noon. She said she was available from 6am to 11am. I chuckled a bit. Who the fuck makes plans at 6am? I explained to her that we'd be meeting some other people there to give them the items they wanted to purchase. I told her that if she wanted to meet us before we went in, we could send her a text message when we were on our way. She said that she would do it this way then. And that was the end of that.

Or so I thought.

On Sunday morning, I got another message from her. She told me they decided to go to the beach that morning. Not just any beach but one that was especially far. Even from where we were headed. "Do you live near Shi Lao Ren?" she asks me. Um, no. That is even further from where we live, hence why I offered to meet at Crowne Plaza since that's close to where all the other foreigners live except me of course. Then she hits me with the. "I am going to really try. If not I will come to you this week for sure."

Try? TRY? Are you for real? I am not having my husband lug a big bag of books down to our car in the chance that you drag your butt off the beach to meet me like you ASKED to meet me. We're not a delivery service. You want the books? Come pick them up then. Let's see if you're serious about coming here "for sure."

I'm now severely enraged and so I send her a curt message. Some excerpts:
"Ok please let me know before noon if you can make it. I have 2 small children of my own and can't wait around forever."

After relaying this to Jeremy, I then send this:
"My husband doesn't want to lug the other children's books up and down our stairs if you might not come for them. You are obviously busy today so I will hold the books you requested for you and you can check out what's left later this week or on the weekend."

She wrote back later with an apology and asked if she could come during the week to get the books. Fine. She tells me she has an ayi during the week so it makes it easier for her. An ayi is a nanny, if you were wondering. Anyway, I tell her she'll have to come around 4:30pm. Now she says her husband will come. I should mention she's told me she has a Chinese husband too. Interesting. So will he come? I'm not holding my breath. But at least I don't have to stand around a hotel lobby, wondering if she'll show up while I hold a bag of books and two screaming children.

Why do people suck so much? You want this stuff? Come and get it!

Oh, and if you're wondering, no, we cannot leave the in-laws in charge of this stuff. They would totally mess it up. They'd probably sell the books we're taking with us because they're just that base.

Anyway, here's hoping we can clear out some of our stuff before we move and that the other people we'll deal with won't be so flaky.

Mean Moms Of Qingdao

 This movie will be soooooo fetch!

I have to admit it...I am TOTALLY a Mean Girls fan. Who isn't, right? So naturally, when I heard they were making a Mean Moms, I jumped for joy. Brilliant. Marketing at it's finest, targeting those of us who lived and breathed Mean Girls a decade later with the idea of being mean moms. Because that's definitely a thing. Unlike "fetch," it's happening.

Every mom has had a run-in with a mean mom. And Qingdao seems to be teeming with them. I was talking to two of my gal pals here and like me, they had also lived in Seoul prior to living here. We all have had the same experience regarding making friends. In Seoul, expats were SO much more united and friendly. But here? You could be out at a supermarket or walking around downtown and in a sea of Chinese faces, you see another foreigner! You smile and say hello politely as you pass only to be thrown an icy stare and complete silence.

Making friends here has been very difficult indeed so I treasure the select few that have made the cut. Because there are definitely more mean people here than I can believe. And I come from Miami! That should tell you something!

Let me tell you about a run-in I had a few weeks ago with a mean mom here. It happened at church services, the place where you expect people to have good manners and be kind. Or maybe we're weird for expecting those things. Anyway, let's just call this mean mom Sally Snottypants. Perfect.

Jeremy and I arrived for church while they were still making the weekly announcements before services. He led us into an empty row right in front of Sally Snottypants and her family. Jeremy sat down, as did Raelynn who was eager to go to her little Sunday school class which would start right after the announcements. I started into the row when Sally Snottypants' daughter (who is the same age as Raelynn) began coughing all over the back of my husband's head. Appalled, I ask Sally Snottypants if her daughter was contagious or had measles or anything I should be concerned about.

I should clarify here that this was before Seoul turned 8 months old. In China, they give the MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) shot at 8 months. When we'd gone for Seoul's 7 month vaccination, the nurse warned us to stay away from crowded places because there had been an outbreak of measles. I reported this to the mom friends I have at the church so they could help pass that information around to the other moms. Apparently, this was either the first Sally Snottypants had heard of it or she is even more of a jerk than I previously supposed.

She gives me a major scowl and says, "It's just a cough." Just a cough? Um, hello?!? First of all, I have a small baby with me. Surely you remember when YOUR kids were babies. I bet you didn't want people coughing all over them. Secondly, why bring your kids to church when they're ill? Stay home! And thirdly, your child coughed all over my husband. Are you unable to apologize for that?

When Raelynn was still 2, I taught her to cover her mouth when she coughed and sneezed. She almost always remembers. And you better believe that in the odd chance she forgot and coughed on someone, I would be apologizing to them AND having her say sorry as well. "It's just a cough" is not an acceptable answer.

Shortly after, the children were dismissed to their groups. I walked Raelynn out to the lobby to meet her group leader. Sally Snottypants brought her coughy daughter out after us, yet she put her in line in front of us. I was too stunned to say anything to her, so I loudly warned my daughter not to get close to anyone that was sick. "And keep your hands clean. People have germs," I caution and Raelynn nods solemnly.

I told Jeremy what happened when I returned to my seat. "What a rude lady," he comments. The next week at church, we happened to show up as the children were being led away for their groups so we quickly put Raelynn on the line for her age group. We waved goodbye and as we started walking into the auditorium for services, who should be ahead of us but Sally Snottypants? Jeremy and I loudly teehee like teenagers and he says, "Oh look! It's Rude Lady!" I bet, given the chance, he might give her a stamp or two like he did to the rude lady at the Shangri-La.

Sally Snottypants isn't the only one, unfortunately. Like the ones that are nice to my face and then refuse my friend requests on social media. And still others are just rather unfriendly. But they do serve a purpose...they remind me that I'm lucky to have the friends I have back home and just as lucky to have made some of the few wonderful friends I have here. Quality over quantity has never been more true!

Extreme Cheapskates: China Edition

Have you ever seen Extreme Cheapskates on TLC? I tease Jeremy sometimes for being cheap but in all honesty, he's mostly just frugal with an occasional WTF cheap-freakout. He's good at saving money but also has no problems spending it. Except on batteries for the baby's vibrating chair for example.

Anyway, one night, we were watching TLC and Extreme Cheapskates came on. It was the episode with this guy:

 His name is Ron Hayes and we'll never forget him because he took his wife out for ice cream, except that he asked for about 12 different samples and then ran off with them. I feel sorry for her. That is so super embarrassing. Cheapskate!

Here he is again, squeezing ketchup packets he got from somewhere into his ketchup bottle at home. So he doesn't have to buy ketchup.

Jeremy was making fun of him. He called him "Cheapskate Face" and we all know how hilarious my husband's nicknames for people are (remember when he called Seoul "Grandpa Face?"). He went on and on about how this guy had a cheap face and made fun of the shirt too. God, we laughed so hard.

Today, we went to Metro to get some groceries. Since Christmas is this week, I needed some things so I could make us an awesome Christmas dinner. My husband didn't pull any typical wallet-tightening moves this time. He told me to pick out anything I wanted for whatever I was going to make. But before we could even park the car, we encountered a real live extreme cheapskate!

I should mention that there seems to be a lot of stingy people here in China. Some of that is largely due to older generations still not being used to more plentiful resources. People here will travel places and bring instant noodles with them rather than buy the food. I think I mentioned that in the post about the idiots on the airplanes.

Somewhere between 4 and 6 months ago, the Metro installed a parking card system. You have to take a card and then wait for the electronic arm to lift and in you go. But as long as you are out before 2 hours are up, it's free. Even when we've dragged our feet around there, it's never taken us 2 hours to shop for groceries.

So as we pull in to park in the lot, there is a car in front of us. It stops, and an older woman gets out. Not geriatric old but older. And she leans in the window and talks to the driver. I can tell what's happening. These buttholes don't want to pay for parking. Heaven forbid! They're taking a long time discussing this so Jeremy beeps at them. She looks at us and then continues talking. So he beeps longer. Then she bitches at us and Jeremy bitches right back. I also add my own 2 cents, rolling down the window and shouting at them in English to move their asses and quit being such cheap turds.

My Chinese might suck but I know exactly what they're saying to each other. Jeremy's trying to tell them to go in - that there is no charge for parking for 2 whole hours. But they're such cheap assholes. The woman walks her dumb ass through the gate meanwhile her husband snarls at us to back up so he can turn around. Now other cars have joined us and are also honking at the cheapskate who won't park in the Metro parking lot. Free for 2 hours. Just so you know, even if you DID shop for over 2 hours, do you know how much it costs per hour after 2 hours? 4 rmb. Yes. 4 measly rmb.

Finally, the Parking Lot Cheapskate turns around and gets out of our way. As Jeremy fumes away while we park, I bug him, "How do you say 'cheapskate' in Chinese? Is it 'pianyi ren'?" 'Pianyi ren' would translate to ' cheap person.' But Jeremy tells me no as we walk into the store.

"Xiao qi gui," he says after he's brought us a cart. It literally translates to 'stingy ghost' and is not something someone wants to be called here. I wanted to say it to that woman if we saw her inside the store. Which we did. But fearing she'd be some psycho, I simply pointed and said, "Hey! It's the Cheapskate Lady!" To which we laughed hysterically. It makes me wonder how many other people turn around at the sight of the parking gate when they go to park at the Metro. Next time, I'll see if Jeremy will ask the parking guard in the name of research!

I Can't Even...

I think I'll just sit in a permanent facepalm position. Remember my post from yesterday? Three separate idiotic airplane incidents here in China caused by stupid and/or selfish fucks. Well, add a fourth one to that, won't you?

This time, 2 female passengers got into a brawl over their seating arrangements. You can read the whole story here.

As for me, I fear that when we take our next trip down to Guangzhou for Jeremy's visa interview, which we will be scheduling soon, that some buttwipe will pull some crap like this and cause our flight to turn around. Or when we go to America.

So this is my message to you people of China: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! SIT IN YOUR FUCKING SEATS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SHITTY NOODLES!

Because let me tell you assholes something...if you do some fool shit like these other people did on a plane that I happen to be on, I will take a diaper full of my baby's shit and shove it in your fucking face. I think the other passengers on the plane will be happy to assist with this. So please, chill the fuck out and get your shit together.

For The Love Of...!!!

Dear China, we need to talk. There have been 3 separate incidents in as many days regarding some of your citizens aboard airplanes which leads me to believe that a severe outbreak of stupid is reaching epidemic levels in your country.

First, there was the flight from Bangkok, Thailand to Nanjing where 2 very selfish and moronic people engaged in an argument with a flight attendant and then threw steaming hot instant noodles onto said flight attendant. I believe I recall Xi Jinping imploring you folks to stop eating noodles whilst traveling. Which makes me insane for many reasons, but primarily because I cannot even fathom shelling out money for airfare and hotel in a new destination only to hide in my hotel room and eat some shitty convenience food instead of trying the food from another place. Something is wrong with you. Very wrong. Really.

Then, there was this selfish prick who wanted to get off the airplane faster so he opened the emergency exit, which in turn, deployed the emergency slide and caused the plane to be 2 hours late for take-off for its' next destination. Can I just ask you what kind of a moron do you have to be to not understand the words "EMERGENCY EXIT" printed in big red letters? It's in Chinese too for God's sake! It's just like the idiots who don't lock the doors to the airplane bathrooms on Chinese flights, even though it is in English AND Chinese. Hence, every single time I've had to use the bathroom when flying around China, I've walked in on someone using it because it says "VACANT" because the imbecile inside didn't lock it.

And today, I saw this one of some yokel who had never before been on a plane and of course did not listen to the safety instructions before take-off because he opened the emergency exit to get a breath of fresh air. At least this idiot opened the door over the wing so there was no emergency slide to deploy.

The level of stupid here is seriously astonishing. It deserves to be in the Guiness Book of World Records. "Most Stupid People Assembled in One Place at One Time." Congratulations, China. You're a winner!

Surlier Than Surly

I was expecting my first day back at work to be much worse. But you know what? It was pretty nice. I have a few less students than last semester, but the ones that have returned were being so good today. Some of them even told me, "I missed you," which made my heart melt. It was a nice distraction from missing my precious Seoul, who survived her first day in the care of the head troll, thankfully.

At the beginning of last semester, you might recall the problem I had initially had with Surly. He was the bus driver that was too lazy to drive an extra couple of minutes to my stop. It bothered me for many reasons, the first of which was because I was pregnant. Secondly, I had Raelynn with me. And thirdly, because students are required to pay a bus fee, I'd PAID for bus services for my child. You can read more of the Surly saga here.

Anyway, today I was expecting to see our pal Surly when we got on the bus. But instead, there was a woman bus driver. I talk to her briefly since she doesn't know who I am. I tell her where Surly had been dropping us and she says "hao hao" which is "OK" in Chinese.

But as we get to the last stops before ours, she speaks to some of the Chinese teachers on the bus and now she doesn't want to take Raelynn and me to our stop because of the same lazy-ass reason Surly had given! See, just before you arrive at our main road, there's a street she turns right on where she is to drop off the bus when she's done dropping off the students and teachers. It is no exaggeration that this is just a couple minutes from our destination.

Now I'm livid. This woman is now telling me via the Chinese teachers she's about to drop off just before her beloved right turn that she doesn't want to take us there. I PAID FOR BUS SERVICE. Why is this so difficult? Why is it an argument with these people EVERY fucking time I need them to do their jobs? I hate people here. Seriously. Something is totally fucking wrong with you if you can't 1) do your job and 2) if you'd leave someone with their small child far from their bus stop.

She's pulled the bus to the side of the road and turned it off, refusing to budge until she makes some phone calls. She calls the school but can't get anyone there who has any information about the bus routes. So one of the Chinese teachers helpfully suggests she call Yang Shufu, or Surly himself. After talking with him, she huffily says she'll take us to our stop today but not tomorrow. "She says maybe you should take a different bus tomorrow," one of the Chinese teachers explains. Which is EXACTLY what Surly had said last semester. He gave me so much attitude until he realized I was married to a Chinese person. Maybe I should have told this bitchy bus driver that too.

She starts the bus and proceeds but she turns down a side street that's parallel to mine because she doesn't want to have to make the u-turn that Surly always made after she drops me off. U-turns are legal here unless otherwise posted, in case you were wondering. So she arrives at the intersection of Harbin Road and Nanjing Road and instead of turning left at the light to officially bring us to our stop where the city buses also stop, she turns right. Because she doesn't want to make that u-turn. And because it's totally normal to send someone with a small child to cross a very large and busy intersection even though they paid for the bus service.

At this point, Raelynn has fallen asleep so now I must take my bag, her bag and my other bag with my breast pump, not to mention Raelynn herself, off the bus and cross the intersection twice to get to where the actual bus stop is. The surlier than Surly bus bitch was saying something to me about my daughter being asleep as we got off the bus. Some sort of "isn't that cute" kind of remark and I told her I hoped she got mauled by a bear. But I doubt she understood since I have no idea how to say that in Chinese. I'll talk to the school about this mess in the morning and if they can't help me, I'll ask the gals that translate there to help me say "I hope you get mauled by a bear" for my next encounter with that bitchy bus bitch or anyone else who doesn't want to do the job they're paid to do.

What I Hate Most Of All

There is something out there that I truly from the depths of my soul hate beyond all other things. Even more than MIL and her cooking. Actually, way more than her. I absolutely have no tolerance whatsoever for people who steal.

If you read this post, you know I'm a little steamed at Jeremy for losing his Samsung phone. Husbands are your unofficial children and that is why I'm forever reminding him (he calls it nagging) not to forget this or that. Too bad I wasn't with him as he ran around doing work-related errands yesterday because while out, he left his phone somewhere.

At least he remembered after the fact and tried to go back to retrieve it. Only some asshole took it. There were cameras around this building but the guard there wouldn't do anything without Jeremy going to the police. So he went to the police who said this wasn't a big issue and to tell the guard at the building to review the surveillance footage. The guard then said he wouldn't review the footage until the police came. But when they finally reviewed the footage, the cameras trained on the area Jeremy had been were broken. Of course. I think the guard took it but that's my personal belief.

Police here are notoriously useless as well, making my utter disdain for this country even greater. Yes, I'm aware people steal in my home country, but here, no one does anyfuckingthing about it. Now my husband is sad, and quite frankly, so am I. We had photos of Seoul on there that he hadn't downloaded yet. He had songs on there he loved. And now it's gone, partly because he's careless (he got a big lecture about that one) and partly because some dishonest pig took something that didn't belong to them.

Let me tell you about something that happened to me about 6 years ago...

I was unemployed for the most part, only able to get freelance writing gigs which didn't pay the bills. I had to collect unemployment on top of that and still, things were rough. I needed money. My life sucked. One night, I went to the drive-thru ATM for my bank (Wachovia which is now Wells Fargo) near my Miami apartment. There was an SUV in front of me. I waited my turn and when the SUV left, I rolled up. I started to lean out the window to slide my card into the machine and that's when I noticed the person in the SUV had left their card in the machine. And, they were still logged in with their pin which meant I could have withdrawn money from that card. As hard as times were for me, there was no way I could ever steal from somebody. I know you're probably thinking only an idiot would steal in front of surveillance cameras but even if there were no cameras, I'd have done the same thing I did.

Which was lean on the horn, flash my lights and yell to the person in the SUV, who was now driving away. Either they didn't notice my attempts to stop them or, because it was night, perhaps they were afraid. So, I removed the person's card and put mine in, made my transaction and then took my card and drove to a nearby parking space. The person's bank card was also through Wachovia so I called the toll free number on the back to report it.

It only took a few minutes out of my life to handle that and the woman I spoke to at the call center was so happy to get a call like mine. She told me that most of the time, it's a bad outcome. She was so happy that someone was doing the right thing. How could someone NOT do the right thing, I wondered. I did what I would want someone to do for me if I'd left my card behind. I wish everyone looked after each other in this way. But sadly, it happens back home, in China and everywhere in between. How very sad that people can be so greedy with no regard for others.

I hope whoever took my husband's phone from where he left it gets heaps of rotten luck. I really truly do. You are the lowest of the low, complete garbage, for taking what's not yours and I hope it comes back to bite you in your ass.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Here in China, this sheep cartoon is quite popular. It's called 喜羊羊与灰太狼 which says Xǐ Yáng Yáng Yǔ Huī Tài Láng. That translates to Happy Lamb and Grey Wolf, or officially on merchandise, Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf. You see this shit everywhere. And I do mean everywhere.

So naturally, I was not at all surprised when my brother and his girlfriend, Kimmy, were visiting us a couple weeks ago, we spotted someone dressed up as a budget-version of this as we walked through the famed May 4th Square. Phillip and I immediately began joking with each other, reverting to our old childhood game of this-is-you-that's-you. As we got closer, the sheep character approached us and got all huggy and mugged it up for pictures. Kimmy, being an outstanding photographer, snapped a few of them and then we waved goodbye. Only budget-sheep-costumed person wasn't budging. She was raising her voice angrily in Chinese. Not missing a beat, my husband suddenly feigns that he isn't Chinese and just starts speaking to her in English. She's not thrilled about this and finally, Lane begins yelling back at her in Chinese. Meanwhile, my brother is on high alert as the other character had bumped him so he's checking his pockets to make sure all his belongings are still intact. I'm holding the baby but I'm wanting to seriously push this crazy lady down and kick her ribs in. The woman in the sheep costume was now demanding we pay her 10 yuan a person per picture. Kimmy had already deleted them from her camera and had even shown the woman as she did so. Two men are also standing there this whole time and at first, we thought they might be in on it but it turns out the budget beggars had weaseled them too. Lane told her he'd only give her 10 yuan total to shut her up. I glare at the two men and yell, "Is everyone in this fucking country a fucking crook?" Not that America is without its' faults but there are some really lecherous people here. Lane throws 10 yuan to the ground, a huge sign of disrespect in his culture, and we leave.

My brother and I then began discussing how annoying it is to encounter people like this who have no real job and try to earn money by cheating people out of theirs. Just like those countless "cabbies" at the airports who offer to take you to your hotel or wherever you're going for an astronomical fee. They mob you in some places as you're busy carting your luggage around. It's tempting, especially being in a different country. But don't fall for it. Keep walking and outside, perhaps with a little guidance from a legitimate staff member at the airport, you will find a taxi stand where you wait your turn and you get a real taxi, one that won't rip you off.

Phillip also told me about a guy on Hollywood Boulevard (which, being that we grew up in South Florida, I immediately thought of the Hollywood Boulevard there, but he was talking about California) who dresses up as Superman, will take photos with you and then demand to be paid for taking a photo with you or will chase you down the street if you don't. Why can't these people simply state up front that they charge a fee for their services? Perhaps they're afraid no one would take a picture with them. But if they were honest, maybe they'd find more people would give them money out of sympathy. Hell, if they were honest, they wouldn't be standing out in the cold trying to con everyone that walks by.

Despite the encounter with these cartoon crooks, our visit with Phillip and Kimmy was wonderful. We were so happy to have them here. Our only complaint was that time went far too quickly and before we knew it, they were both back in Singapore. It was great to watch them bond with Raelynn and to share Chinese New Year with them. Now I'll end this post on a happy note, with some photos of Phillip and Raelynn, who FINALLY stopped crying when she was around him. Insert obvious joke about my brother: perhaps she finally got used to how much he smells. Bwahahaha! Kimmy (who does not smell) loves taking photos but seldom likes being the subject of them, despite how stunning she is. I know she reads my blog regularly (thank you!) so if you don't mind me using a photo of you too, just let me know (you can even pick which one) and I will update this post to include it.

Raelynn loved playing with the remote control in her Uncle Phillip's hotel room. 
 

Phillip making one of his typically goofy faces at his niece who now finds him funny instead of scary.

In A Beijing Minute

When we first arrived in Beijing, I thought for sure I would like it. The grand airport was reminiscent of my favorite airport, Incheon, the one I traveled through when going to and coming from Seoul. It was so big, yet so organized and easy to navigate. In Qingdao's airport, I'm lucky to have a changing table in there for Raelynn. In Beijing, there are nursery areas where I can privately feed her and change her without having the general masses gaping at me. It gave a great first impression.

Even the ride on the airport bus into the city was pleasant, offering us a small unmanned tour of brilliant architectural sites. But in a Beijing minute, everything can change. And indeed, it did. As the taxi rolled up to our hotel, I couldn't mask my terror. "Here?" I say, my voice trembling. "Honey, are you sure this is the place?" Lane said that it apparently was. The Beijing Forestland Hotel was awful, but I convinced myself to go have a look, thinking that it's what's inside that counts. The outside was this wasting-away flamingo pink. It looked like the dumpy buildings in our own neighborhood but with better paint. Inside was even worse though. We enter the sorry excuse for a lobby which opens with a foyer. The floor of the foyer completely lacks any ambiance whatsoever, not that I should have expected any from the impression I received when I first set eyes upon this place. The floors are wet and ripe for slip and fall incidents from the haphazardly stacked tanks of fish swimming away the last of their moments before becoming lunch or dinner at the restaurant I can see just beyond the lobby. The lobby itself is smaller than our living room and is filthy with tobacco stains as far as the eye can see.

Apprehensively, we approach the counter and Lane asks if we might view our room first. There is an odd-looking woman with ill-fitting glasses and a young man with some of the stupidest hair I've ever seen sitting behind the counter. We're given the go-ahead to go and look but neither one bothers to go show us. They merely point out the staircase when we start to head the wrong way. There are no elevators here. Not that I'm at all surprised. We head up this insane span of stairs which resembles something from an M.C. Escher painting if he chose to paint cheap Chinese hotels that model themselves after American crack houses. There are also random bed mattresses stacked against the walls of each floor. I am ready to collapse by the time we get to the 4th floor. The room we get to see is grim and frightful. It looks worse than my in-laws' bedroom. The bed was large but took up the entire room. There was no room to walk anywhere except to the bathroom or turn for the door. The bathroom at least was better than my in-laws' but not by much. We high-tailed it out of there and the only thing I regret is that I was too shocked to take any pictures.

 Here are two photos, above and below, of us shortly after checking into the better hotel.

The Beijing Forestland Hotel had offered 170 rmb a night and shown fake pictures of the establishment which were nice enough together to convince my husband to book it instead. Lane had found a nice one called the Da Wan Hotel before choosing this dump for 260 rmb a night. He gave them a call and we were soon on our way to a better stay. This new hotel was MUCH better. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was a solid, decent place, well worth paying the extra money. Our room was very large, clean and neat. The lobby was a real lobby. And there were elevators! The restaurant in the hotel was also reasonably priced and quite delicious. I have to say I grew quite fond of the Beijing-style dishes. Those of you back in the states would like them too because these are the kind of offerings you all see on Chinese menus there. For once, I didn't complain about eating Chinese food.

We didn't do very much that first day because the next day was the most important day of all. It was the very reason we even made this trip in the first place. We had to go to the US Embassy to register Raelynn for a social security number and I also needed more visa pages added to my passport. I'm happy to say this, though a boring task full of paperwork, was so simple. The embassy, as always, was a pleasure to deal with. With the hard work out of the way, Lane, Raelynn and I went back to the hotel to arrange our plan for the next day. We'd agreed that the coolest thing we could do while there was to go visit the Great Wall.

Very early the next day, we got ready to join the tour for the Great Wall. Lane had talked me into having a Chinese tour guide. It was 50 yuan cheaper per person and he said they told him the only difference between the Chinese tour guided group and the English tour guided group (besides the obvious difference of languages) was the price. I figured it would give me an opportunity to hear more Chinese and hopefully pick up on it better. Plus, my husband worries about saving money and this trip wasn't exactly cheap. So I agreed. We were picked up by a large van and were joined by 2 other families. One family consisted of a father with his two adult daughters. One of the daughters had a horribly-behaved little boy and though she was quite pretty, she'd completely drawn eyebrows onto her face. Like COMPLETELY.  Later, it occurred to me that with such a mischievous and poorly-disciplined son, perhaps he'd somehow been the cause of her lack of natural eyebrows. Still, they were nice people. The other 2 people on the tour were 2 Middle Eastern women who spoke Chinese quite well and although quiet, were also quite nice.

However, our tour guide was unbearably annoying. So much so that both Lane and I began to regret our decision to go with the Chinese tour guide. The beginning of the tour was wonderful, with a trip to the Ming tombs. My husband didn't need to translate very much for me since there were placards everywhere with English descriptions on them. It was fascinating and honestly, there was this eerie, ancient vibe there that I couldn't shake off. You can see what I mean when you check out these photos:

Next up on our tour, our guide decided that this was where she wanted to piss me off severely. She dragged us to a factory outlet for jade. She told us that if we buy anything, she will receive 2% commission. We weren't planning to buy anything anyway, but once she said that, we were downright determined to ensure that wouldn't happen. There were some stunning jade sculptures that we would have loved to own but we simply couldn't justify the cost of such a thing. Add to that our lack of desire to further fund this woman's pocketbook. While I had noticed the English tour group at the tombs, I did not notice them here. With no place to sit, we were stuck wandering this massive jade outlet for a good 45 minutes. Raelynn became hungry and fortunately, some of the women behind the large display counters offered me a stool to sit on while I fed her. As if we weren't already annoyed with our tour guide, she kept pestering me while I was feeding my daughter. She wanted to hold her and kept pressing the issue while Raelynn was still eating. And then, just when I was almost done resisting the urge to grab this woman by the hair, throw her to the ground and kick her in the ribs, when I gave Raelynn her pacifier, this dumb bitch had the nerve to take it out of her mouth and tried to tell us it was bad for her. How my husband remains so calm and polite during this kind of shit is a mystery to me, but he managed to shoo her away before I could act on my impulse to fully throttle her head until it burst like a grape under a shoe.

Here is a shot of some of the jade pieces we saw, which were no question about it, absolutely beautiful. We were really irked to be dragged on an overpriced shopping trip rather than to be taken directly to the locations the tour had boasted we would visit in the brochure.



But soon after this, it was time to eat. Apparently, there was a giant restaurant that all the Chinese tours took their groups to attached to this sales pitch of a store. I also noticed the English group was absent from this and I couldn't help wondering what delicious food they got to eat instead. Our food wasn't bad but I was beginning to resent being the only foreigner in the place. The Middle-Eastern women had gone off for something else because they did not eat meat.

After lunch, Lane and I figured we'd be on our way to the Great Wall finally. But our tour guide had another shopping detour in mind. She took us to a store known for it's vacuum-sealed Beijing duck. They gave out samples. I thought it was just okay. Lane wanted to buy it until he felt how small the duck was in the bag. I'd rather a fresh-cooked one any day. Besides, I have always been a bit of a skeptic when it comes to shelf-stable meats. The store was a labyrinth. You couldn't just go back out the way you came. You had to wander through this horrible maze like cattle on their way to their slaughter. The shelves were lined with bags of ducks along with dried fruits and those sorts of things. We wound up buying a bunch of dried fruit. Lane wanted it for his birthday which was the following day. As if being led through this hell wasn't enough, once you paid, you were released into another shopping area with cheaply-made Chinese crafts. It was just dreadful. We were so happy to get back to the van.

And then finally, it was time for the Great Wall. I have to say it is as spectacular as you see in photos. Although, it is grander than you could ever imagine when you are there. We took the cable cars up and down which gave us a phenomenal view of the wall and surrounding mountains. I felt special after having seen it, almost like I was sprinkled with good luck. I'm quite sure it was just my imagination though. Check it out for yourself:

 A view from the cable cars on the way up. 

 As we approached the end of the road on the cable cars at the top, we were treated to this beautiful view of the Great Wall.

 Do you see this incline? I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. For me, it was completely disorienting.

 Not for Lane though. He is hamming it up, diaper bag and all. Due to the steepness of the inclines and the stairs, he traded me the diaper bag for Raelynn. It was slightly easier moving about up there without having to hold her.

It was one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen in my life. Despite the vulturous tour guide, it was so worth the trip. Take the English tour guided group!

It had to be my imagination running wild, because the next day, Lane's birthday, we were set to fly back to Qingdao at 11pm. So we had all day to see some sights before heading to the airport. After checking out, we decided to visit Tiananmen Square. Only when we were in the subway, someone bumped into me on the stairs and I lost my balance. And down I went. I tried stopping myself but it was no use. I was going down and I knew it. All I could do was protect my daughter. And protect I did. She was just fine, still sound asleep strapped to me in the baby carrier. As for me, I banged up my left knee and my right foot was hurt badly. I moved it around and checked to see if it was broken. Thankfully, it wasn't but it was still beyond painful. Lane helped me move to a chair out of the way. The pain was initially so severe that I began to black out. The sounds of the subway were tinny and hollow in my head. But soon, everything snapped back into focus. With Lane holding me up on one side, I hobbled up to the train.

I spent the whole day in terrible pain, attempting to walk it off in the name of not ruining my husband's birthday and seeing a few more things Beijing had to offer. Truth be told, I wanted to leave with the good impression I'd entered with. But it was all dissipating slowly from my mind. All I could think about were how unbelievably rude people had been to us. We had one nice taxi driver the whole time we were there and then every other one was a prick. Even our upgraded hotel, the Da Wan, was rude to us, calling our room at 10pm to demand more money when we'd already paid our deposit for the room. And the room itself despite looking nice had the most uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. It felt as though a thin sheet separated us from the poking coils beneath.

Additionally, the pollution was atrocious. Incidentally, the news had even said it was "off the charts" while we were there. The traffic was just as bad. I've never seen anything so horrible. The subway was also difficult to take. It was confusing even to Lane but worse were the crowds of people. After visiting the embassy, we tried to take the subway back to the hotel but it was impossible. The trains were so crowded we couldn't even get onto them. We watched in horror as a woman struggled to get off the train only to get her bags stuck in the cluster of people behind her. NO ONE helped her. That's when Lane called it off and we went back upstairs to hail a cab.

The final straw was when we went to find the airport bus to leave. The hotel had told us that we'd need to take a taxi to the nearest shuttle location. The traffic was already so backed up it was insane. We tried for over 30 minutes in blustery cold weather but it was no use. Then, as my husband went into a store to check on something, I did it. I got us a taxi. In my broken Chinese, I attempt to explain to the driver where we need to go but I have no idea how to tell him "airport bus." I call Lane and tell him to hurry back. He talks to the driver and it becomes apparent this guy doesn't want to drive us. He claims we can walk to the airport bus location. He points and explains it is just up on the next street. My foot is killing me and I just want to saw it off at this point, but we keep walking. And walking. And walking. We don't know where we are walking to, so I talk my husband into stopping at one of the big, fancy hotels to ask as we're passing by. Surely they would know. And at least I could use a nice, clean bathroom.

How I wished we could have stayed in the place we walked into! And how I wish I could remember the name of it. It looked like the kind of place my parents would stay at. Opulent and just fabulous in every sense. I haven't felt this close to home since my parents stayed at the Shangri-La when they came to visit us. One of the bellhops here was able to give us better directions as to where to find the airport bus. It was further down the street we were on at one of the other large hotels. That lazy bastard taxi driver! Walk there?!? Fucking walk there?!? Now, mind you, I don't ever mind walking. I like getting my exercise so that I may someday get completely back down to what I weighed before having Raelynn instead of just being close to it. But this was an absolutely ridiculously long walk, especially after Lane had explained to that sloth of a cabbie that I had hurt my foot earlier.

I almost couldn't believe it when we were standing right in front of the airport shuttle bus. Soon, it whisked us away to the airport, where in one last Beijing minute, everything changed again. We were able to check our luggage early, had no long lines to wait in or horrid hassles with checking in and security, and we even found a TCBY where, for Lane's birthday, I introduced him to a Coke Float.

So, will the Qu family ever go back to Beijing? There's still so much to see like the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, Tiantan Park, and TianNing Buddhist Temple, to name a few. Maybe not in a Beijing minute, but perhaps in a Beijing lifetime.