Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

You know, I should start off with something positive. So let me just say that yesterday, MIL was helpful. I KNOW. Pigs must have been flying somewhere because she completely backed me up without undermining my parenting when Raelynn was throwing a tantrum.

The tantrum, incidentally, was about a cupcake. I'd made strawberry cupcakes with strawberry frosting, much thanks to my mom who sent the mix in a package. Seoul turned 100 days this weekend and we were spared a crazy celebration with all the relatives since in China, 100-day celebrations are a big deal. Well, we were spared until the upcoming weekend that is. Stay tuned for that. Anyway, I thought we should make our own small celebration for her so I made the cupcakes. And we ate them for her.

Since FIL has been banned from meeting us at the school bus stop each day, I've been working with Raelynn to keep her from acting out. I know it's really hard for her to keep from sleeping on the bus. Lord knows I try to keep her awake but she's just too tired and the ride is long. When she is woken up, she's disoriented and I totally understand how that must be for her. Yesterday, I spoke to her about this before we got on the bus. And while we were on the bus. I told her if she got off the bus without screaming and throwing a fit, I'd give her a cupcake when we got home. She was very good on the bus. Until she fell asleep and consequently, had to be woken up to get off the bus. The bus driver looked more than a little annoyed. At least that Chinese teacher refrained from offering candy to her this time.

I finally had to drag Raelynn off the bus and once I did, she screamed some more and tried hitting me. Talk about embarrassing! But before I had kids, I knew I'd have to prepare myself for embarrassing behavior. Like this for example. Because I was worried about her getting hit by a car (we were on the side of the road), my main focus was to get us on the sidewalk and out of any potential danger. Once I did that, I told her she blew it with the cupcake. She keeps yelling and saying she hates me now (I thought that didn't happen until the teen years) but I ignore her. And then she stops suddenly and completely switches gears. Now she's sorry. But I don't care. I say nothing and keep walking, holding her hand all the while and trying to think of something else so I don't fly into a rage.

She knows she's in big trouble and she's not getting that cupcake so now there are more tears. We get inside the house and I explain to MIL what happened. I was shocked and thrilled that she didn't fuck up my hard work because when Raelynn begged her for the cupcake, MIL refused to give it to her until I said it was ok. For ONE WHOLE FUCKING HOUR we listened to this kid scream and cry in her room. MIL went and cooked us food that wasn't too bad (seriously, sorry I have not documented the meals...I keep forgetting until it's too late) and I fed and snuggled Seoul.

Finally, Raelynn figured it out. She apologized for being a jerk. I didn't want to reward her though because I feared she'd think as long as she says she's sorry, even if it's not sincere, she'll get a treat. So I had her help me with some chores. And she really worked hard. So I offered her a cupcake for being a good helper.

Yes, yesterday was a good day for a Monday. Two steps forward.

Now it's Tuesday and we're taking two steps back. Way back.

Only a mini-tantrum today. Plus a big, unattended and mangy dog walked by us and that sufficiently spooked her into submission. I'll just remind her about the yucky dog from now on and I think that will achieve the desired results. When we get home, I see MIL has dressed Seoul in Raelynn's socks. Because she's too stupid to find the socks in Seoul's drawers, apparently. Because it makes SO much sense to put socks on a baby that are intended for a child 3 times the size. Perfect. So I tell her this and show her AGAIN where all the clothes are for the baby and just shake my head.

Next, it's dinner time. I've been busy bathing Seoul and trying to reach my brother on Skype for his birthday. Now Seoul is tired and I've put her to sleep. Raelynn comes to tell me it's time to eat. So I emerge from our room and I find only 2 things on the table:
1) Chicken wings, which she made yesterday. Not leftover, just a new batch. She makes good chicken wings but I don't want to eat the same thing 2 days in a row. She always does that kind of thing. My friend Lynelle suggested that she probably buys a bunch of the same thing and then just uses it until it's gone and that makes tons of sense. Only she makes those things the same way every single day. If she has cauliflower, she cooks it with sesame oil. For 5 days straight. Me, I can take cauliflower and find 5 different ways to make it during the week. I wish she could do that too.
2) Xifan. Because OF COURSE.

That's it. Nothing else. So I ask her where are the vegetables because I know Jeremy will shit a brick if there are no vegetables on the table and she then offers me baozi, those steamed stuffed bun things I hate, because those have vegetables in them, she tells me. *facepalm*

So I eat what I can, trying not to snarl in rage too much because there are 2 cupcakes left. Raelynn has eaten all of what MIL served her, which was my requirement for getting a cupcake today, so she is happily eating hers. Mine is sitting, waiting for me to finish this bland offering. But I want to set a good example for my daughter so I eat politely and then enjoy my cupcake.

As I go to throw out the cupcake wrapper, I see something odd in the garbage can. I realize what it is. It's a smoke detector a friend gave us before moving back to the US. A smoke detector that I've been nagging someone to get batteries for. Here (Korea too), smoke detectors aren't usually present in homes. It's the stupidest thing ever. Now ours is sitting toward the top of the trash with soggy tea leaves on top of it. I shout for MIL to come and ask her about it. She tells me it's broken. How would you know, you old moron? It's not broken! It needs batteries. What pisses me off about this is that she threw out something of ours without asking either one of us. She just ASSUMED. She didn't even know what it was. She probably thought it was a mini-spaceship or some shit. I explained to her what a smoke detector does. Then I told her don't throw out our things. This is someone who leaves garbage around the house like napkins and junk mail but throws out things that we want, need or use. That's probably why Raelynn's art smock disappeared. She didn't think there was a use for it. YET SHE KEEPS ALL KINDS OF OTHER USELESS SHIT! She once tried to dig out old power strips that had frayed wires from our garbage until I told her they were broken!

To make my point to her, I pointed at her shoes and asked her if she'd like it if I threw her things into the garbage. She said no. I then told her to please not throw out our things and to only throw out actual garbage. We'll see how that goes. We all know her track record, don't we?

Please Don't Give My Kid Candy

It's not that I'm opposed to candy. Hell, I love the stuff. Especially chocolate stuff. Oh man. And I surely don't mind Raelynn having some of it here and there. But if you read my post from yesterday, you know I don't want Raelynn getting any kind of treat when her behavior is bad. Unfortunately, other people are just as clueless as my FIL on this matter.

It never ceases to amaze me how many Chinese people can try to butt into something that doesn't concern them in the slightest. People on the street will come running up to us to tell us something idiotic about our children. When Raelynn was a tiny baby that couldn't even walk, a man ran across the street to tell me she wasn't wearing shoes. Yeah, no shit dumbfuck. I dressed her. She's A BABY. She can't walk yet. She doesn't need shoes. She's got thick socks on her feet to keep them warm and toasty.

But it doesn't end there with people telling you how to dress your kid. And by the way, no matter HOW you dress your kid in China, some fuckface will come up to you and tell you your kid is too hot or too cold. Yes, because YOU know what MY kid needs. Hey, I know what you need...a throat chop. Get lost! Yeah, people here are beyond nosy. I'm sure they're trying to be helpful so maybe I should cut them some slack but I am soooooooooooooooooo sick and tired of the stupidity here. I find myself shouting "Serenity now!" like George Costanza's crazy father in Seinfeld.

As promised, FIL didn't come to wait at the bus drop-off today. I tried to keep Raelynn from falling asleep on the bus but my efforts were all in vain. She was cranky when I woke her up, willingly flopping herself on the floor of the bus aisle and crying like a baby. I shout at her to move it or she's in for it and she miraculously obeys, though continues the crying. We're the second-to-last stop. A Chinese teacher gets dropped off last. I forget her name but she's wonderfully nice. She's helped me out before when Surly was, well, surly.

She and I were also pregnant at the same time. She had her first child, a daughter, 3 months before my Seoul was born. When I came back to work, we happily showed each other gobs of photos of our tiny babies. I generally like this woman. But today, I did not like her. Not one bit.

As we make our way to the front of the bus, Raelynn wailing away like the drama queen she often is, the Chinese teacher says, "Oh no! Don't cry! Have a piece of candy!" And I stop her. "Uh, no thanks. She doesn't need candy right now. She's not being very good," I explain. And I keep moving with Raelynn toward the exit and the Chinese teacher, who has understood exactly what I've said (her English is very good) tries again to give her the candy. "No," I say even more firmly this time, "She doesn't deserve candy for acting like this," and I physically have to push the candy away from my daughter before we get off the bus. Raelynn cries for about 2 more seconds and then promptly stops. We walk home and she behaves. She walks all by herself without me carrying her. She even carries a bag of sweet potatoes from our field trip to the ultra-lame potato farm (please don't ask, but if you're a friend of mine on Facebook, you can see the photos there).

I'm furious that people try to undermine my parenting here. FIL. People I know from work. Strangers even. Is everyone here really truly that socially awkward? Maybe I'm the one that's crazy but if a child's parent told me their child shouldn't have any candy, I wouldn't press the issue. I would stay out of it. Jeremy's even had enough of it. Not too long ago, Raelynn threw a fit at church and he took her out of there while I was outside the auditorium with Seoul. As I followed them, a Chinese lady and her small son followed, all the while the woman is telling her son to tell Raelynn not to cry. Seriously. People here just don't get it. It's no wonder children here are terrible. Why wouldn't they be? No one stops them from behaving like monsters. Oh she's crying, and not because she's hurt. She's crying because she didn't get her way. Here, let's give her a treat so we can reinforce that rotten behavior so she always acts like a jerk and cries for more candy. I'm sure she'll be a well-balanced adult. Yessssssssss!

I seriously think everyone needs to read this article about raising a generation of helpless children. Because it's true. Especially in China. I want to stay in touch with this Chinese teacher when we move. I want to see how her daughter behaves when she's Raelynn's age. It doesn't take a genius to predict that the girl will be a total brat thanks to her grandparents spoiling her and her own mother awarding her candies when she fails to obey her requests. Get ready for it!

When Toddlers Strike: The Tea Party

This will be a quick one since I was just punished for my good deed of the night - running to Raelynn's rescue to help her locate her stuffed elephant so she could go back to sleep - by pulling something in my lower back. Good times. Good times.

Anyway, this afternoon, when Seoul had awoken from a nap, I went to nurse her. I had told Raelynn just before to pick up her toys she'd arranged all over our living room. I'd warned her that her daddy would be back soon and he'd be unhappy if it was messy. I promised her a glass of milk for a job well done and told her I'd check after I fed the baby.

I could hear her in the living room while I was feeding Seoul and it sounded like she was cleaning up. Apparently, she was up to something else though...more wanton destruction from the looks of it:

No, that's not marijuana. That's very expensive green tea. She has loaded my entire Miami Dolphins cup full of it. For the record, I had some tea in the bottom, but of course not THIS much.

Here's a closer look...that's one hell of a tea party, no?

She also had attempted to clean it up. I guess that's why I thought all the sounds she was making were normal...because she actually WAS cleaning.

Jeremy was a bit less amused because this brand of green tea is very expensive. It's 100 rmb for a package. Of course she shouldn't have done this and of course she should be punished (I sent her to her room) but my dear husband forgets that his own mother uses too much tea when she makes cups of tea. Certainly not THIS much, but she uses a ton of it unnecessarily. Check out this post with photographic evidence of her wasting the 100 rmb tea.

And here's the tea-wasting bandit who has hopefully learned her lesson. But just in case, we've moved the tea to a safer location, far out of reach of our destructive toddler. 

Life With 2 Kids Summed Up In One Very Accurate Scene

Do you have kids? If you answered no, do you WANT kids? Well, if you answered yes, I'd like to describe for you what you're in for when you have kids. Plural. As in more than one. Because handling one is cake. Add one more though and what I am about to describe will soon be your life too.

The scene:
The Intercontinental, a 5-star hotel by the Olympic Sailing Port here in Qingdao. It's a lovely hotel (though not as fabulous as the Shangri-La, in my opinion) and on Sundays, our church hosts services in the large auditorium on the 3rd floor, which I never get to sit in on because just adjacent is a room for infants and small children to play in. As you may have guessed, Raelynn NEVER wants me to leave this room. EVER. Even though she's at the point that she completely ignores me while I'm in there. Until I try to sneak out the door that is.

Church ends and everyone is milling about, talking. Jeremy and I speak to some people we know but decide to get a move on to the supermarket as Raelynn is getting crankier by the minute. How do I know this? Allow me to illustrate with our actual conversation.

Raelynn: I don't want to stand right here!
Me: Ok, let's stand over there.
Raelynn: No! I don't want to stand there!!!
Me: Ok, where do you want to go?
Raelynn: I want to stand here!!!!!
Me: Um, ok...

As we  get ready to depart, I ask her if she needs to use the bathroom.
Me: Raelynn, do you need to use the potty before we go?
Raelynn: No! I no use potty!
Me: Are you sure?
Raelynn: Yes, Mommy!
Me: You really don't have to make a pee pee?
Raelynn: No! No pee pee! Let's go!

So we go. We take the elevator down to the parking garage. We walk to our car. We get Raelynn all buckled into her seat. I get into the car with the baby (Jeremy STILL needs to get a car seat for her and please don't direct your bitchings at me that we STILL don't have one - direct them at Jeremy) and buckle up and that's when Raelynn says:
"Mommy, I need to make a pee pee."

Oh yes. NOW she needs to make a pee pee. When we are all in the car and my husband has lifted up the handbrake and is starting to shift into first and roll out of the parking space. Now, I must take Seoul, who is strapped to me and sound asleep in her carrier, along with Raelynn and me back into the hotel to use the bathroom before she pees on the car seat. I unbuckle Raelynn from her car seat and we walk all the way back into the hotel. We wait for the elevator. We take it to the lobby. We hit the bathroom closest to the elevators. Raelynn pees. I pee. Seoul cries because the sound of the flushing toilet startles her but then she falls back asleep. I wash my hands. Raelynn washes her hands. We dry our hands on paper towels and discard them. Then we wait for the elevator again. And take it down to the parking garage, where I buckle Raelynn back into her seat and get back into the vehicle again.

Yes, prepare yourselves, childless masses that want children. Because this will happen to you too. All the parents out there are laughing at this because THEY KNOW what this is all about. And you will too if you have children.

But it's not all frustration and chaos. Just some of it. Most of it, honestly, is filled with moments you cherish. Moments that make you feel so full of happiness that you could burst out rays of sunshine. And THOSE are the moments that you become a parent for. But you can't have those beautiful times without getting a few bits of shit thrown in for good measure. Remember The Facts of Life? You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have the facts of life? Ah yes. What didn't we learn from 80s sitcoms?