One Fine Day

A still from the movie One Fine Day.

I have to say that this vacation hasn't much felt like one. It all started with the children and me getting sick. Because of that, I needed help taking care of the kids. I was really appreciative for MIL's help during that time. But because she's MIL, she can't just take a step back. She thinks if you need her help during one situation, you need her help for EVERY situation. I wish she would just understand that no, I don't.

They came at the crack of dawn to watch us get into a taxi for the airport on our way to Guangzhou. That was fairly irritating. I could understand if we were on our way to America. But we were only going for 6 days. And we'd seen them the night before.

Here's what I think...I think that my in-laws, bless their hearts, think that my husband and I are just too stupid to care for our children. This is my theory anyway. It starts to make more and more sense the more I think about it. Like all the times MIL has come over to feed Raelynn in the past. Remember when she came to feed her an egg?!?

She just pushes and pushes and pushes so she can control EVERYTHING in our lives. FIL too. While we were in Guangzhou, she apparently cleaned our home. I'm not saying it was spotless...how could it be when the person who "cleans" doesn't use any cleansing agents? But it was a nice touch. I noticed a few other things too. Like that they monkeyed with our power strips and cords. I discovered this when we weren't getting satellite or WiFi. We initially thought the power strip it was connected to was broken, but upon closer inspection, one of them plugged said power strip into itself. Oh yay. That's when I noticed they had cut the curtains in our room so they were no longer floor length. You know, I care not about these curtains...I just want something to keep the bloody sun from bothering me when I'm sleeping. I never chose these fug curtains anyway, but now they have a lopsided trim-job, thanks to one of them. But I can't get too angry - they cleaned our windows and replaced all our wonky screens that had begun getting holes in them. Holes that allowed evil mosquitoes entry. Access denied, bloodsuckers!

While it was helpful of them to tidy up, fix our screens and trim our curtains for unknown reasons (the wheels of my desk chair were always getting the bottoms of the curtains stuck in them), it bothered me that they'd seemingly gone through our things. It took me 30 minutes to find a book that was mine that they'd stacked in a pile on Jeremy's desk. I wish they'd just left those things alone. 

Once we returned from Guangzhou, I knew we'd be obligated to have a meal with them. That was fine, but of course, come Monday, MIL was showing up again. During our trip, I'd calmly talked to my husband about how his mother's constant daily presence is depressing me. I even told him I'd be fine with her coming to cook dinner 3 days a week, but that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'd really love it if she'd just left me be. He'd told me he'd tell her to give me more space but now she insisted she was going to come Tuesday and Wednesday too. ENOUGH, I'd declared.

I sincerely don't mind if she comes over in the late afternoon a few days a week. Really. Even if I am stuck eating her mostly vile cooking abominations. But what I do mind is someone TELLING ME what I need and how I should feel. I do not need your help every day. Why can't you come over a few days a week and if I need more help, let me ask you for that help? Instead, she comes on like an 18-wheeler, taking over my kitchen. Putting my dishes and pans where SHE thinks they should go. And putting them back wet. Or dirty. It's extremely irritating, believe me. 

Ever since Jeremy got promoted, he has to attend these stupid sale meetings right after work 3 days a week. So on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, it's very helpful to have MIL around. On Tuesdays and Thursdays though, I really don't need her help. And she doesn't seem to get that I want to eat foods that I like some of the time. I'm not Chinese! I need variety. And even if I didn't, I LIKE COOKING! I feel at peace when I'm creating something in my kitchen. She keeps trying to take that away from me.

So Jeremy put his foot down on Wednesday and told her not to come on Thursday. Oh, ok, well I'll come watch the children while you cook. Um, no. No, you won't. I will be fine. Jeremy interjects that I'm having a friend come. I wasn't. Few of my friends ever venture out here because it is hard to find your way in our neighborhood unless you have great Chinese-speaking skills. I try not to chuckle at the fib he's told his mother. Despite what he's told her, she keeps trying like hell to come on Thursday. Oh, well I'll bring you some vegetables! You need vegetables! NO WE DON'T, both Jeremy and I stated firmly. Really, we didn't. There were potatoes, onions, carrots, leeks, cucumbers and spinach in there. Shouldn't I use the food we've got instead of wasting it?

You see what I mean about her? She's always trying to butt in under the guise of helping. But I don't call that helpful. Helpful is coming to help me care for the children when I'm sick in bed. It's not pushing me out of my life and taking over my life for me. She always seems to think I'm incapable of watching my children, cooking for those of us that can eat more than mush (sorry Seoul) and not killing the children.

And you want to know what? Yesterday was a perfectly blissful day. Seoul napped well. Raelynn was a good girl. We played together. I made hamburgers for lunch. Raelynn ate all her food without fussing, something I think she does in front of my in-laws to get their attention. And I made an epic dinner. And I did it all without MIL getting on my nerves, interrupting, constantly talking and shuffling around my house. It was indeed one fine day. Very fine.

Sure, soon enough we'll be in the US and perhaps I will wish she was around to help us. I'm sure it won't always be easy but that's the chance we'll take. Otherwise we'll wind up spending our lives by having them lived by someone else. Maybe every day won't be fine, but it will be all our own.

Happy Wacky 2015!

A very belated Happy New Year to you all! How did you spend it? Falling asleep before midnight, like we've been doing the past few years since having children? Maybe one day I will make it past midnight. At least this year, I had an excuse besides the children.

Before the end of the year, I'd gotten a cough. It wasn't much more than that. Just a hacking, annoying cough that I likely picked up from one of my germy students. Or Raelynn. She was coughing too. But then she got a fever right before the kindergarten performance. We took her to the doctor after and consulted him about my cough as well. We each got some medicine and figured that would be the end of it.

A day or two later, Seoul had a fever and a very slight cough. Ugh. Here we go again. Another trip to the doctor. Medicine for her. Which worked...on the fever. The cough kept persisting.

Even through the new year. Onto New Year's Day, which is FIL's birthday. Since marrying my husband, I've always felt the new year started out in a crappy way each year because we'd have to celebrate FIL's birthday instead of relaxing without my in-laws. But now I think I've changed my mind.

There's worse things than a lunch full of food and booze.

Like taking your kids to the hospital.

I've said it before - in China and Korea, a trip to the hospital doesn't necessarily mean an emergency. It's just where you go for treatments and such. Whatever Raelynn had was much worse than we thought. She had to get an IV treatment for a total of 5 days. The good news was that she didn't have to stay in the hospital - she only had to come once a day for about an hour or two. On the third day of her treatments, I was feeling worse than ever. And Seoul's cough was getting worse. So I told Jeremy I wanted us to be checked out as well. Seoul, thankfully, just had a viral cold, the doctor told us. She prescribed some medicine and said the cough was not in her chest and she would be fine. It was a huge reassurance since I'd made myself insane looking online at the symptoms of RSV and Whooping Cough.

After we had her checked out, it was my turn. The doctor sent me down to radiology for a chest x-ray and then to have my blood tested. My father is a radiologist so this is a familiar area for me. How I wished he was there then! A ripple of terror ran through me as I stood there, positioned for my x-ray. What if it was cancer?

A man that the doctor was speaking to before us had a serious lung disease. I know this because Jeremy told me what they were saying. Here, it is very common for others to be in the room while you're being diagnosed or examined. Jeremy had shooed Seoul and me away from him but I figured the old guy had probably smoked all his life. And then it hit me. God. I was sooooooooooooooooo stupid for soooooooooooooooooooo many years. I smoked. God. Please don't let it be cancer.

A couple years ago, my brother sent me an email that he had written our dad, along with his response. My brother had asked him what had happened when Mom died. Phillip was 17 then and I was just 9, but his memory is blurry too. He couldn't remember how long she'd been sick with lung cancer and how we'd found out. My father said that one morning, Mom woke him up because she couldn't breathe. He took her to the hospital. They did an x-ray and when my father saw it, he fainted it. She had an extremely rare form of lung cancer. There was nothing Daddy or anyone could do. She was going to die. It was August 1985 when they found out about the cancer. She died on October 20, 1985. Yes, just months later. She was only 42. I'm 38. I'm getting close to that number.

I don't want to die young! I want to see my precious children grow up and have families of their own. I want to grow old with my husband.

And then, the x-ray was over. And the x-ray tech told me not to worry - it was not cancer. No sign of cancer! Thank God!

But guess what it was - bronchitis! Man, I have not had that since I was a heavy smoker years ago. The doctor prescribed some medicine that was safe to take while breastfeeding and told me to get bed rest.

That left me with a problem - how to rest AND take care of the children?
MIL.

I have to admit, she's been so helpful. She's the only one of us who can give the baby her medicine without her spitting it back up. Plus, I've been too weak to cook, much less make sure Raelynn eats properly. Either she's making good food or I've just been that sick that it doesn't taste so bad. Or I'm delirious.

Yes, it's a wacky new year, alright. I could look at it in 2 ways though - I could sit here and say this sucks and this is the shittiest new year ever, or I could think positively, learn from this and have a great year despite this bumpy start. I chose the latter.

I've learned that it's OK to ask for help when you need it. I've learned that I should be nicer to MIL because she does care about all of us and just wants to be helpful and useful. Yes, she's annoying sometimes and she will likely try to annoy me once I'm completely well and don't need her here from the time Jeremy goes off to work and then returns home again. I've learned to be grateful for what I've got and that I should think positively for 2015.

So that's what I'm going to do. Oh hey now. Don't worry. I'm still the same bitchy me. I'll find plenty to snark about, even MIL, as the year goes on. I'm just remembering a little humility, and that never hurt a person now did it?

Much excitement coming in the next few weeks but more rest is needed now. And with that, I'll leave you with some bad hospital Engrish. Wishing you all a prosperous and healthy 2015!

Resuscitation Roomg. I'd cut them a break if there were signs to Resuscitation Rooms A - F, but there were none anywhere else, leading me to conclude that they think that "roomg" is a word.

This one is a bit tougher to see. Let's see if you can spot the error.
Did you find it yet?
How about now?
Give up?
It says "Emergency Surgery Clinc Area." It's so subtle, I know but the "Clinc" made me giggle a bit.

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

You know, I should start off with something positive. So let me just say that yesterday, MIL was helpful. I KNOW. Pigs must have been flying somewhere because she completely backed me up without undermining my parenting when Raelynn was throwing a tantrum.

The tantrum, incidentally, was about a cupcake. I'd made strawberry cupcakes with strawberry frosting, much thanks to my mom who sent the mix in a package. Seoul turned 100 days this weekend and we were spared a crazy celebration with all the relatives since in China, 100-day celebrations are a big deal. Well, we were spared until the upcoming weekend that is. Stay tuned for that. Anyway, I thought we should make our own small celebration for her so I made the cupcakes. And we ate them for her.

Since FIL has been banned from meeting us at the school bus stop each day, I've been working with Raelynn to keep her from acting out. I know it's really hard for her to keep from sleeping on the bus. Lord knows I try to keep her awake but she's just too tired and the ride is long. When she is woken up, she's disoriented and I totally understand how that must be for her. Yesterday, I spoke to her about this before we got on the bus. And while we were on the bus. I told her if she got off the bus without screaming and throwing a fit, I'd give her a cupcake when we got home. She was very good on the bus. Until she fell asleep and consequently, had to be woken up to get off the bus. The bus driver looked more than a little annoyed. At least that Chinese teacher refrained from offering candy to her this time.

I finally had to drag Raelynn off the bus and once I did, she screamed some more and tried hitting me. Talk about embarrassing! But before I had kids, I knew I'd have to prepare myself for embarrassing behavior. Like this for example. Because I was worried about her getting hit by a car (we were on the side of the road), my main focus was to get us on the sidewalk and out of any potential danger. Once I did that, I told her she blew it with the cupcake. She keeps yelling and saying she hates me now (I thought that didn't happen until the teen years) but I ignore her. And then she stops suddenly and completely switches gears. Now she's sorry. But I don't care. I say nothing and keep walking, holding her hand all the while and trying to think of something else so I don't fly into a rage.

She knows she's in big trouble and she's not getting that cupcake so now there are more tears. We get inside the house and I explain to MIL what happened. I was shocked and thrilled that she didn't fuck up my hard work because when Raelynn begged her for the cupcake, MIL refused to give it to her until I said it was ok. For ONE WHOLE FUCKING HOUR we listened to this kid scream and cry in her room. MIL went and cooked us food that wasn't too bad (seriously, sorry I have not documented the meals...I keep forgetting until it's too late) and I fed and snuggled Seoul.

Finally, Raelynn figured it out. She apologized for being a jerk. I didn't want to reward her though because I feared she'd think as long as she says she's sorry, even if it's not sincere, she'll get a treat. So I had her help me with some chores. And she really worked hard. So I offered her a cupcake for being a good helper.

Yes, yesterday was a good day for a Monday. Two steps forward.

Now it's Tuesday and we're taking two steps back. Way back.

Only a mini-tantrum today. Plus a big, unattended and mangy dog walked by us and that sufficiently spooked her into submission. I'll just remind her about the yucky dog from now on and I think that will achieve the desired results. When we get home, I see MIL has dressed Seoul in Raelynn's socks. Because she's too stupid to find the socks in Seoul's drawers, apparently. Because it makes SO much sense to put socks on a baby that are intended for a child 3 times the size. Perfect. So I tell her this and show her AGAIN where all the clothes are for the baby and just shake my head.

Next, it's dinner time. I've been busy bathing Seoul and trying to reach my brother on Skype for his birthday. Now Seoul is tired and I've put her to sleep. Raelynn comes to tell me it's time to eat. So I emerge from our room and I find only 2 things on the table:
1) Chicken wings, which she made yesterday. Not leftover, just a new batch. She makes good chicken wings but I don't want to eat the same thing 2 days in a row. She always does that kind of thing. My friend Lynelle suggested that she probably buys a bunch of the same thing and then just uses it until it's gone and that makes tons of sense. Only she makes those things the same way every single day. If she has cauliflower, she cooks it with sesame oil. For 5 days straight. Me, I can take cauliflower and find 5 different ways to make it during the week. I wish she could do that too.
2) Xifan. Because OF COURSE.

That's it. Nothing else. So I ask her where are the vegetables because I know Jeremy will shit a brick if there are no vegetables on the table and she then offers me baozi, those steamed stuffed bun things I hate, because those have vegetables in them, she tells me. *facepalm*

So I eat what I can, trying not to snarl in rage too much because there are 2 cupcakes left. Raelynn has eaten all of what MIL served her, which was my requirement for getting a cupcake today, so she is happily eating hers. Mine is sitting, waiting for me to finish this bland offering. But I want to set a good example for my daughter so I eat politely and then enjoy my cupcake.

As I go to throw out the cupcake wrapper, I see something odd in the garbage can. I realize what it is. It's a smoke detector a friend gave us before moving back to the US. A smoke detector that I've been nagging someone to get batteries for. Here (Korea too), smoke detectors aren't usually present in homes. It's the stupidest thing ever. Now ours is sitting toward the top of the trash with soggy tea leaves on top of it. I shout for MIL to come and ask her about it. She tells me it's broken. How would you know, you old moron? It's not broken! It needs batteries. What pisses me off about this is that she threw out something of ours without asking either one of us. She just ASSUMED. She didn't even know what it was. She probably thought it was a mini-spaceship or some shit. I explained to her what a smoke detector does. Then I told her don't throw out our things. This is someone who leaves garbage around the house like napkins and junk mail but throws out things that we want, need or use. That's probably why Raelynn's art smock disappeared. She didn't think there was a use for it. YET SHE KEEPS ALL KINDS OF OTHER USELESS SHIT! She once tried to dig out old power strips that had frayed wires from our garbage until I told her they were broken!

To make my point to her, I pointed at her shoes and asked her if she'd like it if I threw her things into the garbage. She said no. I then told her to please not throw out our things and to only throw out actual garbage. We'll see how that goes. We all know her track record, don't we?

Temper, Temper

Since coming home from the hospital with Seoul, MIL has been keeping to a schedule that allows her to help us and keeps me from beating her in the face with a frying pan. Monday through Thursday, she comes around 8am to take Raelynn to the mountain park in our neighborhood, giving me a few hours of relative quiet, and drops her off around 11am. MIL comes back again around 5pm to cook us dinner and goes home around 8pm when we're putting Raelynn to bed. So it's very different than when Raelynn was a newborn and MIL would come over and uselessly sit about, not cleaning, making more mess, interfering with what I wanted to eat and invading my privacy. She's actually being helpful this time around.

You think I'd be thrilled. Here's someone who leaves me in peace during lunch to eat as I wish, who brings us fresh vegetables and fruits, who helpfully takes my noisy toddler to get some exercise outside, who cooks dinner and cleans it up. I should feel grateful. And mostly I am, honestly.

It's just...
Well, let's just say that my hormones during my pregnancy were nothing compared to post-pregnancy. I feel like an angry bear ready to maul. Why do I want to attack someone who is helping me AND fucking off as she should? Ah, yes. Hormones.

Yesterday, I just wanted to hit my MIL. I don't know why. I don't blame her. She didn't do any one specific thing that made me want to snap her head off her neck. I just felt irritated by her presence in general. And she hadn't even been here that long!

I don't like letting her hold Seoul, which was the same for me when Raelynn was born. But I have to let her hold her sometimes, don't I? And if I'm honest, it's nice to have someone else hold the baby so I can play with Raelynn or even watch something lame on TV without distraction. For me that's been old reruns of Billy the Exterminator. Something about his style tells me that if my dear friend Penny were still alive, the 2 of us would spend many a phone conversation arguing over who would get to fictitiously marry him.

Now that I think about it though, she DID do something to annoy me. When she was holding Seoul, the baby began to cry. MIL looked at me stupidly like she had no idea babies could cry. I just fed the baby and it wasn't her hungry cry. I stared right back at MIL. "You figure it out," I tell her, smiling. But whatever she learned by handling Raelynn as a baby went out of her dusty old brain already because she looked more confused than ever. I took Seoul back and it took me .1 second to figure out the problem: poopie diaper.

She did this several times during the evening. She holds out her hands, wanting to hold the baby. This also irritates the shit out of me. My Chinese sucks but I will totally understand you if you tell me you want to hold the baby in Chinese. Stop holding your arms out like a moron. At least this time, she's totally on the ball about scrubbing her hands with soap and water, thankfully.

Though not as on the ball about washing the dishes properly. Jeremy caught her washing the dishes with cold water while I was busy bathing Seoul. I heard him scolding her in the kitchen. I have told her 5,000 times to use hot water when washing the dishes. So has my husband. We've even checked on her as she washes the dishes to make sure she's washing them properly. But yet we constantly have to remind this woman to use the hot water. She scares me. I pray that when I go back to work, she remembers to sterilize the baby bottles before serving Seoul my breastmilk. 

I cringe as I hand her the baby yet again. By this time, my husband is home. He came home from work and then went jogging. And I resented him for that, because, for one, he gets to exercise (I have to wait 4 more weeks and then I get to go for a check-up to make sure I'm all healed up and ready for it) and for another, he's leaving me alone with his mother who it takes all my strength inside me to be polite to. No wonder I went to sleep at 9:30pm last night...I was drained from having to endure her. And from soothing Seoul to sleep without the aid of a chair. Here's hoping the new chair will save me from that kind of exhaustion this evening. Here's hoping even more so that MIL doesn't break the new chair like she did with the old one.

God. I will so totally break her face if she does.

The Story Of Seoul

They say every birth is different. Just like every person is different. Man, they sure weren't kidding! If you need a refresher on how Raelynn came into the world, click here. You may also want to read about how MIL made me nuts right after coming home from the hospital so click here too.

This is how our sweet little Seoul came into the world...

On Monday, July 14th, you'll no doubt recall my last meal of grossness served up by MIL. On that day, I'd been having false labor signs. Braxton Hicks contractions. I knew it wasn't baby time because they kept disappearing when I'd get up and move around. They also came with no regularity or increase in frequency. The only thing that ever remained the same was the duration of each contraction: just one minute. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable but before I could really complain, it would vanish and I'd be fine for hours before another one would come up.

That night, I took a nice, hot shower and tried to relax. I figured my body was gearing up for the big moment and I should take it easy. I went to bed early but around 1am, I woke up to a contraction. And this one was VERY different. It was more painful than the others had been. Plus, it began in the lower back and shot through my abdomen. But again, it only lasted one minute. I fell back asleep and 30 or so minutes later, I felt the same thing. I thought about waking Jeremy but I wanted to be sure before I set us into pre-baby-panic-mode. So I watched the clock. And the next hour? 2 contractions again. Maybe I'm crazy. I watched another hour go by with the same results. I knew then that this kid was getting ready to come out.

It was 3am. The other thing I knew was that if we did go to the hospital right then, they'd only tell me to try to get some sleep first. So I tried to get some sleep in the comfort of our home. It was a futile attempt. But my contractions only became 25 minutes apart and didn't increase in length or pain so I knew we had time.

Early in the morning, about 6:30am, Jeremy woke up to use the bathroom. That's when I told him. He called the hospital to let Dr. Wang know but she was already in surgery delivering another baby. They told us we should start getting over to the hospital as soon as we could. Jeremy then called his parents. I hugged and kissed Raelynn, still a bit terrified of delivering the baby inside me and hoping that I would make it out alive to see her again.

We rounded up our bags and spent time with Raelynn before MIL arrived. After a tearful goodbye with Raelynn, we were off. The hospital isn't that far away but since it was now rush hour on Tuesday, July 15th, we were stuck in traffic for an hour. I had 3 contractions in the car during that time, much more painful than before.

When we finally arrived at the hospital, we hurried into Dr. Wang's office. She had changed from her surgery garb and looked as though she was expecting us. She wanted to run a few tests first so we had them done. She was trying to check the scar tissue from my first c-section to see if there would be any problems. When we'd seen her during our last check-up over the previous weekend, she'd told me not to eat or drink anything at least 4 hours before my c-section. I hadn't even had a drop of water since bedtime and now the ultrasound tech was being a bitch because she said I didn't have enough in my bladder for her to see well enough. She was urging me to go drink more water even though the doctor told me not to. Moron. On top of that, I had to pee so badly I seriously thought I was going to lose control of my bladder during that scan.

We went back to Dr. Wang and as we spoke to her, I had a horrible contraction. I gripped the back of one of the chairs in her office and she then ordered her assistant to send us up to check into our room and prep for surgery. Off we went. Jeremy was excited because our room was a lucky number in Chinese: 618. He said this was a very good sign. I just cried and cried because I was scared and excited all at once. Plus, I was finally allowed to pee and the bathrooms in the hospital rooms are soooooooooooooooo much nicer than the bathroom you can use on the first floor.

No sooner than I get in there, my husband runs back to the car to get our bags and nurses begin to file in to prep me for surgery. Even though I'm scared, I know this is best for me now because I'd been in labor since the wee hours of the morning and wasn't even dilated yet. Another long labor would await me if I didn't go through with my planned c-section.

A gurney comes in. Some hospital clothes. I smell rubbing alcohol and I begin to panic. The nurses are all very nice despite the language barrier. They speak limited English but they try to comfort me. Another woman comes in with forms she wants me to sign. I can't read them because they're in Chinese and Jeremy snaps at her about that. He handles the forms while I'm prepped and moved onto the gurney.

They take my blood and I cry at the sting of pain. I'm so scared now. I'm dreading this. This sucks. Why does giving birth have to suck so fucking much, I wonder. Then, they start wheeling me down the hall. I scream for Jeremy who runs alongside, trying to comfort me. We ride the elevator to where the operating rooms are. It's very sterile, which is reassuring, but also terrifying at the same time. I don't want my husband to leave me. They tell him he has to dress in scrubs if he's going to come into the OR and they assure me not to worry. Into the OR I go. It's much more freaky than I remember from Raelynn's birth. There are about 5 people in there prepping everything, speaking to me in halting English and all I can do is cry. The anesthesiologist is very nice, and desperate to calm me down so she can issue the epidural. She pats my head and tells me not to cry and to please lay on my side. Please don't move, she tells me as she rubs something cold along my spine. Suddenly, the OR doors open and I hope it's my husband. It's not but the person who I see makes me sigh with great relief. It's Dr. Wang. I feel so much better seeing her there. Her English is much better than her team's. I ask for my husband and she tells me she's worried he will become sick if he sees the surgery. She says it will be okay because she can talk to me in English which was really the only valid reason for my husband coming in.

Dr. Wang sees the panic in my eyes and she tells me quite kindly not to worry about anything. She does this every day, many times a day. I'm in good hands. I know this. It's exactly why I wanted her to deliver this baby just like she did with Raelynn.

The epidural takes effect and I cannot feel my legs. At all. It's so weird. They have a mask ready in case I need to be knocked out completely but I don't want it. There's a large canvas draped over the rest of my body. I can't see anything that is happening to me which is a huge relief. I can only feel a slight little tugging. It doesn't hurt. It just feels very strange. The anesthesiologist stays by my head. She tells me if I feel anything and want to sleep to tell her. I look about the room wildly. I hate this. I want it to end.

And suddenly, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! There's my baby! I remember hearing Raelynn when she was born but I was so foggy from the anesthesia it was part of my drugged out trip. As this baby cries, I say, "My baby! It's my baby!" "Yes," I hear Dr. Wang say. "Everything is very good." "It's a girl, right?" I ask her, hoping and praying that what they'd told me months ago hadn't been to just make me happy. "Yes, it's a girl," Dr. Wang tells me. THANK GOD.

I begin to relax now. My baby is alive and well. It is not a boy, no offense to the moms I know with boys. I'm just so relieved to have another girl. I can see her being carted off into the corner to my left as 3 people from Dr. Wang's team clean her up. I just want to look at her but I know I have to be stitched back up. This part took a while but I remember reading that about c-sections. It seemed like seconds when I had Raelynn only because of the drugs. Now I wondered how long it was taking as Dr. Wang closed me up. I also felt warm. It felt like forever, and again, the anesthesiologist told me that she could put me to sleep if I wanted to be out. I just told her I felt warm and wished they could take the canvas off of me so I'd feel cooler.

And then it was over. They counted: yi, er, san! And lifted me off the operating table and back onto my gurney and out I went. There was my husband, overjoyed and crying with relief. We all went back into the room. I was moved into my bed and had my vitals checked out yet again. I was so much more with it this time though it truly freaked me out that I seriously could not feel my legs. I tried to wiggle my toes and nothing. They told me it would be fine soon and that I had to lay flat for 6 hours. On this hard, awful hospital bed. But the good news was they were handing me my little baby. My sweet Seoul Susie Qu.

It's no wonder they use babies that are 3 to 6 months old in movies, TV shows and commercials. You know why, right? Because newborns are so tiny and scrawny. They're wrinkly and honestly, look like little old men. But we love them anyway, don't we? I loved Seoul when I saw her too. Later I would learn the downside to marrying a man that makes me laugh so much...it truly sucks to have a funny husband when you've had a c-section. Laughing hurts. He called Seoul "Grandpa Face" and I thought I was going to die from the pain the laughter caused.

 Grandpa Face! Hahahahaha!

I breastfed my little angel quite easily and breathed a sigh of relief. Now we were over the other side of the wall. Now the recovery begins.

I hate hospitals. I always have. I've never had to stay in a hospital in the US so I can only relate what it's like here in China. I'm sure it's very different than the states so for those of you that have gone through a c-section back home, I'd love to hear from you in the comments about what your experience was like in the hospital. It would be neat to compare.

In China, you must bring your own towels, toilet paper, soap, and all sorts of things you'd never think about bringing in the US. They did supply us with a gift bag that included my hospital pajamas, those shitty kind of diapers you know I hate from when Raelynn was a newborn, and some other stuff which impressively included soap, a plastic soap dish and even a roll of toilet paper. Wow, they're stepping up their game, I remember thinking.

My room had 2 hospital beds in it because it's typical your spouse or a family member will stay with you to assist you. Nurses are for changing IVs and administering shots. But NOT emptying your catheter bag! Jeremy had to empty it out. You know your husband loves you very much when he dumps out bags of your pee for you. He also helped me to the bathroom when the catheter was removed. They'd given me many IVs during my stay but one of the last ones I got was some sort of nutrient and I had to keep it elevated so Jeremy had to come with me to the bathroom.

We also had one nurse tell Jeremy that HE had to change the sheets on my bed for me. This was when I still had the catheter in and couldn't get up. I felt gross and needed my mattress guard and sheets changed. Fortunately, another nurse came in and took care of it, Jeremy only being asked to offer minimal assistance in helping me roll over.

The first 2 days in the hospital, it seemed like every 5 minutes, someone was knocking on our door to come in for this or that. Just as I'd start falling asleep, someone would knock. It was highly irritating. I would have been even more annoyed that first day when my in-laws showed up if not for the sight of my precious Raelynn. I was so happy to see her little face and so grateful to visit with her.

In addition to the constant interruptions by the staff, the air conditioning became an issue. They'd turned it off in our room. Jeremy flipped out on my behalf. I was in pain and sweating and I couldn't sleep. AT ALL. The night nurse was a huge pain in the ass about this, saying that 26 Celcius was a fine temperature. My husband yelled that we'd paid 10,000 rmb for our room and on top of that, I was a foreign person. I remember hearing him yell that I felt sick because of the heat. It was true. Finally in the morning, they sorted out the air conditioning issue and it stayed at a nice 22 Celcius the rest of our stay. I was also given an extra shot of pain medicine and I was finally able to fall asleep.

The bed was another horrible problem for me. Because I've never had to stay in a US hospital, I have nothing to compare it to. But I felt like my back was becoming worse because of this bed. The mattress was very thin and on top of a metal frame. I tried to roll on my sides but because of the surgery it was so painful to do so. After a few days, that pain got better but my hips now ached from the metal frame of the bed. As you can probably imagine, it was a very happy moment for me when I was told I could go home the next morning.

 You can see here what the hospital bed looks like. Jeremy's bed is identical to mine. Look at that thin mattress!

 So we went in on a Tuesday morning and we got to leave on a Saturday morning. MIL kept her promise to me about bringing Raelynn, which I'm very grateful for. She brought her every day. Even though she dressed her in the same clothes every day. Even underwear. She said she bathed her but Raelynn stunk (and of course, so did my in-laws - like they always do). I couldn't wait to wash her when we got home so she'd smell nice again.

Speaking of the in-laws, let's talk about them since I know you're dying to know about that, aren't you? Of course you are! That's why you read this blog, isn't it?

I was relieved that my in-laws didn't kill Raelynn while they watched her. They told me Raelynn cried all the time for me, which made me feel bad. She must have really hated having them watch her the whole time. Sorry, my sweet! They didn't touch the window in her room either, so I have to hand it to them for listening to my wishes in that regard. On Friday, my husband ran his parents and Raelynn home in the car so he could get my passport. We needed it to make Seoul's birth certificate. We have to present this at the US Embassy so we can get a report for a consular birth abroad. Jeremy was worried to ask his parents to bring my passport. He thought they might lose it or forget to lock up the drawer we keep it in and Raelynn would destroy it and the other important documents housed in there.

When he returned, I asked him how our house looked. He made a face and I knew. But before I could cry, he promised me he would clean it up. When we actually got home on Saturday morning, I thought I was going to see the aftermath of a tornado. But it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. The kitchen was a royal zoo but I chose not to get too angry because, for one, Jeremy promised to clean it all himself, and for another, MIL was in there actively cooking a big welcome home lunch. Never mind that it wasn't anything I wanted to eat but it was nice of her. The other mess was FIL's fault. Raelynn's toys were everywhere and he refused to act like a grown up and tell her to clean it. I pulled her aside and talked to her about the mess. Then I told her to have Grandpa help her. He was shocked that she would listen to me and clean up. I was shocked that he would let her tell him no when he asked her to do something. That's one of the things that bothers me so much about my in-laws. They don't realize how much more damaging it is to let her have her way like that.

 Those are just some of the hard boiled eggs she made for me. She also made me another big bowl of xifan. This kind of xifan looks a lot like baby poop. Especially how she made it. She should have used more water. The food was gross but it was nice to drink again.

 Raelynn is so happy to have us home. Look at that face! I love her! And look at that food - gross!

Soon, the floors were cleaned up, toys were in their right place and my husband had poured me a glass of wine. I was feeling better and enjoying being home, even if we had to have lunch with his parents. After eating, FIL went home and MIL and Jeremy cleaned up the kitchen. Then MIL spent some time holding the baby. After a while though. My husband hopped on his computer and just ignored that his mother was here in our living room, doing nothing but staring into space. I hate when she does that. There's no reason for you to be here now. Thank you for lunch. Thank you for taking care of Raelynn. It is 1:30pm. We aren't eating dinner until 6:30pm. PLEASE GO HOME. I calmly explained to Jeremy that THIS is something that gets on my nerves about his mother so he politely told her to leave and we'd see her later. That made me so happy. This house is just too small to have someone I don't need sitting around taking up space on the couch to be sitting around taking up space on the couch.

For dinner, she came back and made better food. WAY better food. She had these roasted chicken legs that were delicious. She must have bought them somewhere. There's no way she could make something that good. She also made steamed clams again. And the obligatory xifan. And she didn't overstay her welcome into the evening. She cooked. She cleaned. She held the baby. She kissed Raelynn goodnight before I read her stories. And then, she went home! Amazing!

Now I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth but here's the stuff my in-laws fucked up: the closet door in Raelynn's room. FIL busted it off the track. God only knows why he would do such a thing. Derp. The kitchen sink. It was leaking again! Lord knows we had enough problems with that sink. But, it turned out something got knocked loose with the faucet and Jeremy was able to tighten it himself. Still, I'm not surprised. We had so many sink problems because MIL just bangs the big pans and cutting boards into it without a care in the world.

Also, someone, I'm guessing MIL, stored a bag of eggplant in the kitchen cabinets. Instead of the refrigerator. I went into the cabinet today to get some flour and I smelled something foul. I nominated Jeremy to check it out and he made the grisly discovery. I'd also found a bag of eggplant and carrots on the side of the refrigerator today. Fortunately, those were not rotten and I put them in the fridge. Why she does this IN SUMMER when EVERYTHING you leave out rots is beyond me. Especially when there is so much room inside that fridge!

Ok...now something nice...something nice. FIL cleaned our fish tank and it looks great. He also deep-cleaned our air conditioner in our bedroom and now it's ice-cold in here. That was nice and helpful. We can run it on low and it cools our whole room, not to mention the living room when we have the sliding door open.

Yesterday was Sunday, our 2nd day at home. And my husband had told his parents not to come. Never on Sundays. But I was truly dreading today, Monday. I worried she'd come at the crack of dawn, making more hard boiled eggs than we could ever eat. Which is a Chinese tradition when you have a baby. Your family makes hard boiled eggs and gives them to everyfuckingone they see. But when your Chinese MIL gives you too many hard boiled eggs, you make deviled eggs, which is just what I did for dinner last night. Jeremy went nuts for them and scolded me for never before making them for him. Well, no worries honey...we still have about 20 more hard-boiled eggs in the fridge.

I heard our land line ring this morning and became tense with fear. Jeremy came back from answering it and told me his parents would come around 8am or 9am to take Raelynn out for a bit so I could rest. What? Really? Now wait...that's actually helpful. And they did. They took her out until about 11am. And then I thought MIL would bother me some more but nope! She just dropped off Raelynn and a package of Japanese diapers a friend of hers had sent for us. AND SHE LEFT!

She didn't come until 5pm and she's only here to make us dinner. I'm shocked. And delighted. But fearful. I seriously SERIOUSLY hope this is how she will be during this time - HELPFUL. I seriously SERIOUSLY hope she will come take Raelynn for walks on the 4 days she's supposed to come so the kid can get out into the world while I care for her little sister. And I seriously SERIOUSLY hope she'll respect our boundaries. If she can do this, then I don't mind her helping at all. We'll see. We know how she is though, don't we?

And then of course, there's the reason for this whole entire post: Seoul. You know why we named her that, don't you? Because Jeremy and I met and fell in love in Seoul. Susie, her middle name, is another tribute to my mom, whose middle name was Sue. We'd discussed that our 2nd child would always be named Seoul, regardless of gender. It was the middle name that would be different if it was a boy or girl. If we were having a boy, Seoul's middle name would have been Michael, just like my father.

You know, already, we're getting bugged by people to have a 3rd child. NO. No way. I am enjoying not being pregnant anymore, thankyouverymuch, though I will always be supremely grateful that I got to experience such a special thing twice in my life. When we were still in the hospital, MIL and Jeremy were talking and I could hear them talking about x and y chromosomes. I asked why and Jeremy said his mother said that the next one would be a boy. I said that he better tell her to find another family to annoy because 2 children is plenty for me. I'm 38 and have had 2 c-sections now. I'm not having a 3rd child as I go into my 40s. NO. When we left the hospital, one of the staff members there said we should try for a boy next. GOD! What IS it with Asians and boys?!? They are not everything! Urgh!

So how is Seoul? Well, she's, so far, a very sweet and relatively easy-going baby. Raelynn, as much as we love her, was a very difficult baby. She cried ALL the time. About EVERYTHING. She's a wonderful child but we were exhausted with her as a baby. Seoul seems to have a very different personality. But one thing's for sure...Raelynn loves her little sister. The first couple days have been rough but Raelynn is learning to be helpful and not to make too much noise when her sister sleeps. I hope these 2 will be the best of friends as they grow up. Nothing makes me happier than to give these girls that amazing sibling experience I had growing up with my brother, Phillip.

Raelynn loves Seoul, and no, she's not the reason Seoul's crying here. When Seoul started crying, Raelynn climbed up next to her to comfort her. Awwww!

I still can't believe I have a family of 4 now. I still can't believe this little person came out of me. And I still can't believe Raelynn was ever this small. She seems so gigantic and grown up now. It's trippy. What's craziest of all is that during my pregnancy, I remember asking my dad if I would love both of my children. How will I love them both? He assured me I would absolutely love them both. I never could have imagined loving someone as much as I love Raelynn, and that's no dis on my husband. He knows just what I mean by that. But as I held Seoul one night in our hospital room, I was talking to her and she just looked up at me and I cried. And I realized I just love her so much. I love her with every bit of my heart. And with my whole soul (or should I say Seoul), just the way I love Raelynn.

You were right, Daddy. Just like always.

And I'm quite certain Jeremy feels exactly the same way.

The Arrangement

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I like to spend as little time as possible with my in-laws. And if you're new, now you know and you can go browsing though my archives to see 1,000,000 examples of WHY. It's not that I hate them. It's just that the less time I spend with them, the easier it is for me to find something I like about them and the more likely it is that they won't wind up doing something to annoy me.

But now, we've come to an agreement and an arrangement as been made.

The other day, I told you about Surly the Bus Driver. Who has incidentally changed his tune. Now he no longer complains because he discovered my husband is Chinese. That's because one of my in-laws has been waiting by the bus drop-off for Raelynn and me every day this week. On Monday, it was MIL. And it was the first time EVER that I was happy to see that woman. I am now officially hitting the 5-month mark on this pregnancy and as I started down the steep bus stairs with my bag, Raelynn's bag and Raelynn, I realized it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I also realized, as we walked along, that to carry her up the small hill that leads up to our street, then down our street to our building and finally, up 6 flights of stairs, was now impossible for me. I needed help.

On Tuesday, FIL was there. He helped me get Raelynn upstairs and played with her for a short while, then he was on his way. On Wednesday, we had to have dinner with them, but they came and helped me get off the bus with Raelynn. She somehow stayed asleep as we carried her off the bus, down the street and up the stairs. She desperately needed that nap and she would have totally woken up had my pregnant-ass been stuck struggling down the street with her.

At dinner last night, we made a deal. The arrangement. They would come help me at the bus stop and carry Raelynn home for me. But only on some afternoons would they stick around to spend time with her. And now, all of us are happy. I won't injure myself, Raelynn or the new baby, and they get to see her 5 days a week, even if just for a couple minutes on some of those days. It makes me, dare I say it, like them just a bit more.

Oh now don't worry. There will still be many more crazy in-law stories to come. There are too many differences between us for there NOT to be some wacky-ass crap happening around here. Like on Wednesday when FIL started to panic because I gave Raelynn a glass of cold orange juice. Because Chinese people think you should drink only hot things. I pointed out to him that milk is refrigerated and everyone drinks that cold or else they'll become ill from drinking spoiled milk. He had no rebuttal there. I also reminded him that in my country, we drink both hot and cold beverages and my people are just fine. I hate hate HATE drinking hot water here. I love hot tea and hot coffee. And hot chocolate (who doesn't?). But I'm not going to drink a plain glass of hot water. Blah! Or heat up my juice. That's just crazy, man.

FIL Saves The Day!

 Raelynn gives her grandpa a big kiss.

My FIL can be a handy guy to have around sometimes. Sure, he does stuff like this. Or this. Or this. And he never disciplines Raelynn when he watches her, prompting her to be bratty and manipulative. But when it comes to problems involving the electricity, he's the man.

This morning, I noticed my husband was making more noise than usual as he got ready for work. Apparently, the satellite wasn't on. But neither was part of the electricity in our room. Whoever wired the buildings here was probably drunk or crazy, perhaps a bit of both. Sometimes, fuses will blow but all the ceiling lights will stay on and anything plugged into a wall outlet won't. Normally, you just flip one of the switches and it solves the problem. This time, my husband was perplexed because all the outlets in the house were fine except for the ones in our room.

He called his father who soon showed up to check it out. I explained how the ceiling lights were fine as were the electrical outlets in all the other rooms except for our bedroom. So he began poking around the power strips, trying to find the source of the problem. The light on my nightstand was working, we discovered, and suddenly, this propelled him back into the living room to inspect the connecting cords that run along the wall under the couch and through the adjoining wall to our bedroom.

And that's where we found that this whole thing was caused by the most simple of things. The plug from the connecting power strip had slipped out of the outlet. I was so happy that he fixed it, I gave him a hug, which I instantly regretted because he smelled like he desperately needed a shower. To ensure this wouldn't happen again, he went and taped the plug into the outlet because of course. Whatever. As long as it works, it's fine.

Three cheers for FIL! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

Inconceivable!

I can't think of the word "inconceivable" without thinking of The Princess Bride. I used to love that movie. Until my last ex that is. He quoted it all the time and I honestly can't believe I ever thought it was so endearing of him. That sociopathic monster totally ruined quite possibly one of the best movies of our time for me for so long. Finally, I'm able to think of that movie (and how totally hot Cary Elwes was in it...damn!) without wanting to rip out someone's throat.

In any event, this post isn't about that atrocious creature from my past. This is about an atrocious creature of my present...MIL. Creatures, if you count FIL.

I simply had to use "inconceivable" to describe yesterday's events. Because quite truly, it was nothing short of incredible that both MIL and FIL were HELPFUL! Yes, really! Hey, I bitch about them a lot but I'm happy to give them credit for a job well done. It just seldom happens.

My husband had invited them to come over for dinner yesterday so they could spend time with Raelynn. I don't mind them once or twice a week for a short time. Of course, I'm never usually looking forward to it either. But yesterday, my stomach was really upset. I felt lousy and was spending quality time hanging out with our toilet. Despite this, I somehow managed to get my toddler to pee in her little potty 3 times. I was beat though and I definitely needed a break. I can honestly say I've never been happier to hear the buzzer ring and open the door to the head troll and let her in. I was so relieved that she was there so I could take a nap, undisturbed. See, when I try to nap when it's just Raelynn and me, I put her on the potty so she doesn't have an accident. But she'll call to me every 5 minutes, asking me for this or that, as toddlers do.

Raelynn: "Mommy?"
Me (groggy): "Mmm...yes, sweetie?"
Raelynn: "More milk!"
Me (groggy): "What do we say?"
Raelynn: "Pwease!"
Me (groggy): "Mmm...OK, just a minute."
Raelynn (after only 5 seconds): "MOMMY! Mooooooooooooore! Pwease! Pwease! Pweasssssssssssssssssssse!"

And thus, I must move my ass from the comfort of the bed. It's always after I have found the absolute most comfortable position to lay in and I'm drifting off into the bliss of sleep that she will shout for me. Though lately, she has called me to come look and "see the pee pee in potty!" For that, I get downright excited and practically throw a party.

Anyway, I explain to MIL that my stomach has been upset and I'm quite tired. I also tell her that I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything that will further upset it. She's quite kind about this and tells me to go rest. FIL arrives just moments later and he and MIL keep Raelynn busy. And for once, they actually keep their voices down. Their Chinese accents can usually peel the paint from my walls. They're usually so loud and brash, squawking away like crazed birds. I was so grateful for that quiet.

They also kept taking Raelynn to the potty. Not one accident occurred while I was sleeping. And they made Raelynn pick up all her toys. The living room was spotless. And! MIL washed all the dishes I'd left in the sink. I hadn't meant to. I would have never left them in there for her to do but I felt so yucky and I had no choice.

AND!!!! MIL even made food that didn't look as disgusting (or reek like raw sewage) as usual.

On the left was some rib thing with celery and onions. I couldn't really get into it because my stomach still felt craptacular and the ribs were chewy. Chinese people love chewy, gristly meats with bones and such, but not me. On the right, I felt like I had gone back to the US and was in a Chinese restaurant there. It's beef with broccoli! It was really good too, though I didn't want to tempt fate with my upset stomach so I only had a little bit. I told her that she should make it again though. Maybe she'll listen and stop making things like lamb and luo bo. Gag!

FIL brings out a bowl of soup. It looks promising...

It's got tofu and oysters in it. On any other day, I would have been fine with this. But I couldn't fathom ingesting sealife with a sick stomach.

Here is the cutest kid in the world eating her broccoli. She took it herself. And that hand there with the broccoli? That's her grandpa's hand. She GAVE him that piece and told him he had to eat it too. Awwww!

Next up, MIL surprised me by making wonton soup. Here they call it "huntun." Sounds similar, right? When I don't feel well, I want to eat something comforting. I have never really thought of Chinese food as comfort food, but wonton soup can comfort me any day. Maybe because I find soup comforting. Or maybe because it's not spicy. This is definitely one of MIL's absolute best signature dishes. Of course, the next few times she sees me, she'll likely make us 1,000 wontons and then I will never ever ever want to eat them again. Oh, God! Please don't let her do that!

While we ate, my husband switched us from satellite to Chinese cable because none of our satellite channels are in Chinese. I think his parents, particularly his dad, actually like watching Raelynn's English cartoons on Nickelodeon, but if they want to watch boring CCTV news out of Qingdao during one meal a week, so be it. Besides, I would have never had a chance to take this photo of this heinously ugly male news anchor. I already did a post on the schlumpy female newscasters of Qingdao before. If you missed it, check it out.

Ugh, right? Even that James Chau from the English CCTV news channel is way better looking, and I don't find him that attractive. He just looks more polished and professional. The guy above looks like Jeremy's drunk uncle or something.

See? Much better!

Here's hoping I can be further surprised by my in-laws' in the future, and that my stomach keeps staying on the path to wellness.