Small Chinese New Year 2015

Fireworks outside our bedroom window last night.

Last night was the Small Chinese New Year celebration. You might find this surprising but when it comes to Chinese holidays, particularly anything to do with Chinese New Year (CNY), I really don't mind my in-laws being around. They come here, which beats going to their house any day, because we've got Raelynn and Seoul. It's much easier to endure the holiday in the comfort of our home as opposed to the filth of theirs.

So how was this little pre-celebration of what is soon to be the year of the sheep - or goat, depending on who you ask...there seems to be a bit of debate about which creature it is and all the merchandise for this year's holiday reflects this confusion by selling calendars with goats on them and then sheep stuffed animals and all sorts of lanterns and decor with both animals on them...meh, enough about that! Let's talk festivities, shall we?

 It's true that MIL cooks well for the holidays, but I was really disappointed to see such ordinary offerings. Cut off in the back is some fried fish which she has been making us A LOT lately for regular non-holiday dinners. We also have steamed shrimp, cucumbers with crushed garlic and a plate of cashews. To see why I find this meal so ho-hum and lackluster, click here to see last year's Small Chinese New Year feast.

 OMFG, my kitchen! Ok, calm down, calm down. She's busy cooking so I can't get mad at the mess...unless she leaves it like this when she goes home. Thankfully, she didn't. She cleaned everything up. And wow, for once, she's not wearing mismatched clothes. Amazing!

Incidentally, this is the other kitchen counter while she's in there cooking. Good grief! Even when I cooked Christmas dinner, the kitchen wasn't quite this messy!

 From this angle, you can see the fried fish better. You can also see this bok choy and mushroom dish. It wasn't awful, but I felt it was too salty. Sidenote: I was holding Seoul on my lap as we ate and she's such a sneaky little thing...she shot her little hand out and stuck it right into this dish. Babies are so hilarious!

 Now there's some Western-style ham slices and a bowl of crushed garlic and sesame oil that is supposed to be a sauce for that ham. Yeah. For me, it's a yes to the ham and a big fat no to the sauce. It amazes me they want to cover up the taste of the ham with something so sharp and strong as garlic.

You'll also notice the dish of ribs on the table. I was skeptical. MIL makes ribs often enough. The meat falls off the bone, which is lovely, but the flavor is just very mediocre. But not these. Oh no. These had a hint of garlic and something else I couldn't place. I had tried one to be polite. I wound up eating quite a few after that. Jeremy said she learned a new technique. I told him to tell her to always make her ribs this way. They were excellent. Good job, MIL!

 To the untrained eye, you'd think this was some noodle dish. It's not though. This is tofu cut into noodle-like ribbons. She's cooked it with leeks and shrimp. Normally, she makes this taste so bland. What she did different this time, I can't be sure but it was delicious. I'm not a fan of Chinese noodles because they always taste so mushy and floury, so having her make tofu in the style of a noodle is so much better. The tofu texture makes all the difference in this dish.

 Awww yeah...I'm kickin' it with imported beer. We had a selection of Danish and German beer we bought from the wholesale market near our house. Unfortunately, my in-laws have managed to destroy all our beer mugs, leaving us coffee mugs as our only option. The look on my face says it all, doesn't it? I'm so cool I drink my beer out of a coffee mug. Try not to hate, y'all.

It's luo bo! Not again! But hey, she's cut it all fancy and put a really nice dressing on it. I had to leave the table for a while to put Seoul to bed (a very difficult chore indeed with all the fireworks popping outside but somehow I was successful) and when I returned, she'd put this in another bowl with orange zest. Jeremy claims it was her idea but I think he had something to do with it. I can't imagine she'd think of doing that herself.

It's almost over, as you may be able to tell from the mostly picked-apart dishes. The dumplings came out after everything else. How were they? Meh, they're the same dumplings she's been making a lot recently so I'm not too excited about them. It could be that I'm sick of being served dumplings all the time. It could be that in my American brain, I feel like dumplings are something you have a few of, like an appetizer, before moving on to another dish. Or it could just be that these dumplings are just there. They're not bad but they're not amazing either. I hope the ones she makes for CNY are more exciting than these.

And finally, as I've said before, if you're at a big Chinese meal, you'll know when it's coming to a close when they trot out a large, whole steamed fish. This was always one of the dishes MIL cooks well but in recent months, she has changed up her sauce. She used to use a very savory and salty brown sauce. But this sauce is made with marinated red peppers. It has a bit of a kick to it, but not too much. And it's really really REALLY good. It's a great way to finish up a great meal.

She'll make this for CNY as she must for tradition's sake. Jeremy also asked her to make a few dishes I really like for next week's big celebration. I love CNY! Here's hoping that this year of the sheep (or goat) and the upcoming new year give us many wonderful things to celebrate!

The Y Chromosome Theory

This post is dedicated to my wonderful friend, Nancy, who had recently remarked, after she'd read my post about my husband injuring his ankle and acting like a world-class brat, that she believed it was the y chromosome that caused men - her own husband included - to do stupid things.  Stupid things that no woman would ever do. I think Nancy is absolutely on to something with this theory of hers. Especially after the other night.

My husband's former soccer coach is in town visiting. So of course, we had to go out to dinner with him and his family. And all of my husband's soccer friends who live in town here came too. The soccer coach has a lovely wife and they are one of the few Chinese families I've ever met to have 2 children. They have a little girl who is about 6 and a little boy who is Raelynn's age. The boy, as are most little Chinese boys, was a little bit of a trouble-maker. Raelynn initially kept running to me and throwing her arms around me. "What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked her. "BOY!" she shouted, pointing at him and crying. Poor Raelynn. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they will just make you scream and cry all the more the older you get. That's a conversation for later, of course.

We were able to get the boy to play as nicely as his sister was playing and the children had fun while us adults ate and drank. I didn't eat very much - it was mostly Chinese dishes that I didn't care for - but drank quite a bit. My husband said he hadn't had time for lunch during work that day. Despite my being a bit tipsy, I was still level-headed. Why? Because I'm watching my kid. I'm making sure she doesn't run out the door, choke on a bottle cap, pick up someone's discarded cigarette butts from the floor, break things and everything else all you other moms reading this are surely nodding about as you silently go down the list of things you check for when you are out some place with your toddler.

Even though I had a lot to drink, I noticed my husband was the picture of pure drunkeness. I know, I know. He was having fun with his friends. And so was I. They were fun! But Jeremy can't handle his booze like I can. I don't know why. What I do know though is that all that beer and that y chromosome of his soon were the downfall of his evening.

It was getting late so I decided to take Raelynn home. One of the other wives did not drink and offered to give us a lift. She took us to the hotel where the visiting family was staying. I was confused by this initially, but welcomed it as a good chance to use the bathroom again before I flailed my arms at passing taxis. When I came outside, all the husbands, including mine, were outside. And my husband was SMOKING! I couldn't believe it. He used to holler at me for smoking in Korea. And there he is like the Marlboro Man. I forgave it though...if I didn't have Raelynn with me I might cave in a drunken moment like that. Besides, he did flag me down a taxi, however he almost walked right into it when it was departing. And thus, the y chromosome begins to do its' thing.

I get home and put Raelynn to bed. Then I get myself ready for bed. But I can't really fall asleep. Because I am worried about my sweet husband and can't fully sleep until he gets home. This, dear men, is the opposite of your y chromosome.

I dozed off for about 10 minutes and then I hear our doorbell. I jump out of bed, realizing that Jeremy didn't have his house keys. What I find standing in front of me is my husband in his boxers, carrying his shirt and pants.

"What's going on?!? Why are you in your underwear?!?" I demand. But he pushes past me angrily and I realize that I'm not going to get an answer right then. Not unless I want him to yell loudly enough to wake Raelynn.

So what did happen? My husband and his y chromosome banged on the window of one of the first floor apartments because the stupid call box by the building entry was broken AGAIN. An old guy who didn't recognize my husband as a resident of this building came out, ripped his shirt and tried to choke him. Yes, really! How the pants came off in that is a mystery but I think Jeremy probably went for his belt. Somehow during this kerfuffle, Jeremy lost his watch. The splendid, very nice watch I bought him for his birthday when I was in Singapore just 4 months before Raelynn was born.

To top it all off, he voraciously vomited in our bathroom and managed to clog and overfill the sink. At least he cleaned it all up, though I did my own cleaning of it in the morning, complete with buttloads of cleansers to get that disgusting feeling of ickiness the bathroom seemed to encompass after this evening. 

I have to admit, I was really angry with him for all of this. From his idiotic drunken behavior to his ripped shirt and from his grumpy attitude toward me of all people to his losing of this somewhat pricey watch. And let's not forget how he defiled our poor bathroom! It was indeed that y chromosome in full effect. How men are ever put in charge of countries and companies is a mystery to me!

But something happened. Jeremy felt horrible. He was so sad the next day, I couldn't berate him. He was punishing himself enough. And then I realized how lucky I was - that crazy old guy on the first floor could have stabbed my poor drunk husband to death. I'm so glad he didn't. He shouldn't have attacked my husband, but in the old man's defense, my husband said he'd never seen that guy before. So if this guy never met my husband and here he is, all drunk at midnight pounding on the windows, I can't say I blame him for going after him. Suck as it did for my husband to lose such a lovely item, it could have been much worse.

I realize now that this isn't Jeremy's fault. I put the blame squarely on that reckless y chromosome of his. And it owes me one very nice man's watch.

Aw Man!

I can't even believe it. In just one more day, my lovely 2-month vacation from work will be over. Instead of snuggling with my precious little toddler, I have to drag my tired ass out of bed by 6am and attempt to smudge make-up over my sleepy face and do about 1,000 other little things before the clock strikes 7am so I can be at work on time.

I must endure boring meetings and stupid little changes, or "changies" as the Koreans call them. Can you tell I'm super excited about this mess? Not in the slightest. I will be happy to see my fellow teachers though. They make the place alright. It could always be worse too, couldn't it? Yes. It could. Just read this post about my old advertising job.

During my vacation, I've only dealt with my one darling child who I love with all my heart. Even though she can drive me insane by drawing on the walls with crayons, pencils, pens or markers. Or breaking through the child safety locks and emptying out entire cabinets and drawers. Or removing every single piece of laundry that was hanging to dry from the rack and putting it into a huge mass on the floor that hadn't yet been mopped. Yeah, she can drive me batty but she's mine. It's been great teaching her new things too. She says so many cool things now. She can count to 3, sometimes to 10 if she feels like it. Usually she skips a few numbers in there, but it's cute all the same. I'm going to miss this.

Instead, I get to trade it for 20 seven-year-old Korean children. That's 19 more ways to be driven crazy than I have right now. Super. Back to losing my voice every other month from a combination of singing and screaming. I think I'm burning out on kindergarten. But you know what they say - "it's better to burn out than fade away." Or maybe just Def Leppard said that.

In any event, it's happening and I've got no choice now. I'm in it, so I better be in it to win it. I'm sure once I meet my students, I'll find something to love about each of them. And I know I'll feel good when I get each one reading by the end of the year. Tomorrow is my last day of vacation so I'm going to do my best to make it rock, even if we just stay at home.

Tonight was the Chinese lantern festival, or as I should probably call it "Just Another Night of Being Forced to Eat at My Stupid In-laws' House." She made the same things she made for the Chinese New Year dinner. I hate that she makes the same shit all the time. I feel like I'm eating leftovers for a year. She made one different dish - a fried lotus root that was stuffed with some sort of pork and vegetables. It's great but it is really fattening. You can see it in the photo below. It is to the right of that mush which is actually MIL's version of Beijing-style eggplant. She made it AGAIN. Bless her heart for trying.

The highlight of the dinner was watching Raelynn color. She drew all over herself too. That was fun to scrub off. Not! I was pleased when she made a giant, stinky poop though. FIL helped me out by carting off the rancid hell that was her diaper. That made me giggle.

 Future tattoo artist perhaps? Que sera, sera!

Oh! And there were these people on the TV:

Why, yes. They DO look like they are wearing lampshades on their heads. And yes, that's a new TV. I bought it for them. Why? Because my husband wanted to give them something and I thought if I buy it, the next time he gets sand in his peehole about something and starts to yell, I can throw this gem back up into his face and he'll shut the hell up.

And what could make a night with your boring in-laws tolerable? Tsingtao beer, of course! Mmmm...beer!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

Happy Year of the Snake everyone! Chinese New Year is upon us now and as I've mentioned before, I rather like this holiday. Sure, I spend a lot of time making snarky (and rather bitchy) comments about life over here but this is the holiday I enjoy most of all, except for the incessant popping of fireworks of course.

Getting ready for the new year here is much like how everyone back home prepares for Christmas. My husband and I went to Metro the other afternoon to get some things. Technically, it was a working day, but his schedule is flexible. We figured it would be a breeze since everyone else would be shackled to their desks or assembly lines. We did not want to wait until the weekend, when Metro would be transformed into a zoo with aisles of food and such instead of animals for the masses to gawk at.

But even at 2pm on a Wednesday, it was pure insanity. The parking lot alone was a feat to conquer. Somehow, Jeremy managed to snag a spot at the very end of the lot. There was still snow and ice on the ground and other cars were sliding and honking, adding more to the chaos. Inside, people were everywhere, swarming about the displays, searching for the perfect gifts to bring their relatives for the new year.

Jeremy had already planned ahead for that. All we needed were some grocery items. We actually gathered what we needed quite quickly. Then we had to settle into a line. And the lines were loooooooooooooong. The man behind us was fascinated with how beautiful Raelynn is. He kept smiling at her with his decaying teeth. At least he was kind though. A few lines over, some screaming erupted. A fight was about to break out. I stared at the people, bickering away about who was first in the line and honestly, it reminded me of home. How many times have I seen that before? It was just in a language that was not my own now. Ah, just like Christmas shopping back home! The most wonderful time of the year indeed!

For the start of Chinese New Year itself, which officially began yesterday, we of course had to go to my in-laws' house. They added some new decorations which looked rather nice for what it was. Certainly not my taste but at least it looked less like a crack bunker and more like someone lived there.

Unlike my family, my husband and his family won't crack open the beer until it's time to eat. But I didn't need any beer to keep me amused with some of the things we found on the TV. My in-laws have basic Chinese cable. I know I've mentioned before that even my husband will tell you that Chinese TV is extremely boring. It truly is. But some of it is so insanely horrible, you just have to see it. For example:

Let me attempt to explain as best as I can. I believe the show's name translates to "Journey to the West" or something like that. My husband claims it is old - from the 1980s. It certainly seems much older than that though. It's like they ripped off Planet of the Apes. There is also a pig-man creature but I couldn't get a good shot of it. Right now, if you listen carefully above the din of firecrackers being let off all over China, you can hear my dear friend Aaron Gordon laughing so hard his sides are splitting. 

There is also this odd little boy, who is no longer a little boy if the show is from the 1980s. Yes, this is what passes for entertainment on the Chinese channels. I would additionally like to mention that this show had the most terribly obsolete-looking special effects, even coming from that time period.

Soon, MIL began bringing out some food and now we could crack open some bottles of Tsingtao. We all know she's not the best cook. At all. But during the Chinese New Year, she makes her very best dishes. I must admit I'm kind of worried about her. During the previous 2 years, she really made some incredible things. But now she's kind of floundering. Maybe she didn't feel like doing the work? I don't know. In any event, here are some food photos:

In the back, from left to right: some egg pancake thing filled with a mixture of pork, shrimp and vegetables which was quite delicious; tofu with carrots and celery; ribs. In the middle, we have boiled peanuts with celery and carrots and that annoying fried, small bony fish that I despise. In front, we've got cashews AGAIN. Well, at least they did go wonderfully with the beer, which you can see in the background.

A short while later, MIL brought out more food. If you look in the center, you'll see a dish with a bunch of spoons in it. It's some weird jelly thing. I don't know what the hell it is really but I hate it. I cannot stand it. I've tried it several times and the best way I can describe it to you is that it tastes like saltwater and semen with garlic thrown on top. And then to the right of that, shrimp.

And again, another dish has arrived. Next to the semen jelly, there is a chicken and peppers dish. I was quite impressed with this one actually. The sauce was amazing. But one thing people in China tend to do that bugs me out is that they hack up chicken into little bits so there are shards of bones everywhere, and you can't tell which part of the chicken you're eating. I'm not down with that. David Sedaris, an amazingly talented and hilarious writer, wrote this piece about his visit to China and you really should go read it just to hear what he has to say about the food. Honestly, he sums it up perfectly.

The picture does not do this justice. MIL made another attempt at making Beijing-style eggplant, which is one of my absolute favorite Chinese dishes. She did much better than the last time but something is still missing that would give it that authentic Beijing taste. Maybe chili powder? I don't know. I'll have to try to make it myself. In any event, this was fantastic.

This isn't too exciting...just some small but very fresh tomatoes and the standard cucumbers with too much garlic that people here love to eat.

 Tradition has it that you serve your big fish dish at the end of the meal. Here is MIL's signature steamed fish in some sort of savory sauce. As I've said before, this is one of her most delicious dishes.

And finally, keeping in accordance with Chinese tradition, you simply must have dumplings. These come at the very end of the meal. By then, you are so stuffed you can't even fathom eating another bite. But you must at least have one or else it would be rude.

After my obligatory last bite, I passed the rest of the time by drinking lots of beer. And laughing at more of the cheesiness they aired on TV. Because there really isn't much to do aside from that. I wonder if everyone's Chinese New Year is boring because Chinese people aren't very interesting (and don't think I'm being a bitch here - that is something that has come out of my husband's mouth!) or if it's because my in-laws are the most mundane people in existence. In any event, I managed to amuse myself with the TV crapfest. Here's a look at that:

We have this lady and her hair. This absolutely fascinated me. Maybe it's a wiglet?

 And then, something truly remarkable happened. I couldn't even believe it. Guess who showed up to this spectacular gala for the Chinese New Year?

You won't believe it...
Ready???

Celine Dion! No fucking way!

I'm not a fan but I don't hate the woman really. I like her hair here.

I was actually quite impressed with her - she sang a duet with this crazy-wiglet-haired Chinese lady...IN CHINESE! That must not have been easy for her to learn. Kudos!

Yes, that is the ultimate in excitement for our Chinese New Year, that Celine Dion was on Chinese TV and sang in Chinese. Also, that when we got home, despite all the fireworks, which honestly seemed like much less noise this year, Raelynn went right to sleep when I put her in the crib. Wow. We're walking on the wild side!

I'll finish this post with one last picture...the cutest picture of the cutest little girl ever...here's our special dumpling! Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

Dear MIL, The Shriners Want Their Hat Back

I take back what I said about those fucking red shoes. They can stay. MIL has proven that she can find something even more unsightly. On Friday night, we were invited I was forced  to go to my in-laws' house of dust and filth to celebrate FIL's birthday. His birthday is actually on January 1st but they wanted to celebrate it by the lunar calendar. This worked out better for me actually, since the 1st is the start of my vacation and it would really suck to have to spend my first day off with those 2 lamebrains.

When we got home though, there was no baby. They'd already taken her to their shack of shit down the street. I freaked. That old bitch probably dressed up Raelynn in something disgusting and Lord knows what kind of crap Raelynn would be playing with over there in their unhygienic household.

Just as I suspected, when we arrived, she'd put Raelynn in different pants, which I actually didn't mind. They were plain black. I approved. But she put a Snoopy shirt on top of a long sleeve polo I'd dressed her in. I should also mention that inside my in-laws' house, it is so fucking hot it's unbearable. How Raelynn could stand wearing all those clothes I didn't know. I tried to remove the Snoopy shirt but Raelynn got angry with me. God, she's one of them now. This isn't happening. They are totally turning her into a moron like them. I'm not having it.

I open some windows so I can actually breathe and it finally gets to a normal temperature in their hovel. We eat and I have to endure the shrill sounds of MIL singing stupid Chinese songs to Raelynn. No matter how much beer I drink, I can't block out the sound.

Raelynn eventually tires and MIL tries to sneak her off into their other bedroom to put her to sleep. "No," I tell her sternly. It's the only English word MIL knows. She looks at me all confused and I tell her again that there's no way Raelynn is sleeping at their house tonight. We will go soon and she will sleep in our home, where she belongs. She doesn't belong there with them.

Soon after, we start putting on our coats to head out into the cold. That's when my stupid in-laws bust out this busted hat:

Would you look at this raggedy-ass thing?!? It looks a bit like a Shriners hat...one that somehow got thrown into the trash, dragged through dirt and shat upon. Even if it were clean, would you put this on a little girl's head??? Me neither! The kicker is MIL bought us a hat for Raelynn last year that still fits and that I actually thought was cute. It's a pink ski cap. But this thing? It looks like a cheap piece of shit hat I'd see on any of the fat, ugly baby boys around here. It is so fug. I should also point out the tassels are all ratty too. Here's a closer look:

Yuck! I don't want this on my daughter's precious head! I begged my husband. I told him the shoes can stay. Hell, the faux mink scarf she got her can stay (I'm torn about how I feel about it - I mostly hate it but it looks kind of cool). The lame Snoopy shirt can stay. But this thing?!? Dear Lord! It needs to be burned. I'm tempted to accidentally-on-purpose throw it out the window but I fear my husband will get really angry and make us go to the hot springs with his idiot parents. I already told him I wouldn't go but I don't want him to be mad at me over this stupid hat. There has to be a way that we can both be happy and this hat can cease to exist all at once.

My Voyage With The Village Idiots

One thing I really like about China is that there are so many holidays, thus more days off from work. Typically, they do make them up during weekends (which to me, defeats the very purpose of not having work for a holiday) but I work at a Korean school. And they don't want to work on the weekends. So this week happens to be the Chinese national holiday, which is a great one, filled with eating lots of food, especially mooncakes, and drinking too.

But of course, there is a price to pay for this time off. That price is being forced to spend time with my husband's parents. We had to have a dinner with them, which wasn't too terrible, given the circumstances. MIL actually made good food and she cleaned up after herself. It was rather pleasant, actually. That was Sunday evening. On Monday, it is tradition to go on an outing with your family. I remember last year, we'd rode the bus for what felt like 1,000 years to go see the trolls at their house in Laoshan, which I refer to as 'hillbilly town.' It is so archaic, I can't believe something like this exists in modern society adjacent to a bustling place like Qingdao. But it's there. I guess that's where that mountain chicken lives, if it really exists that is. Though this house of theirs actually has a toilet that works. I was shocked!

Anyway, Jeremy assured me we'd just go to the beach and take some nice photos and then eat some fresh seafood. That actually sounded nice. But of course, it wasn't like that. Not at all.

Now that we have a car, it's convenient in many ways, but also, now we're obligated to drive them somewhere with us on this holiday. As my husband drives, his mother talks and talks and talks. Even my FIL looks annoyed that she just won't shut up. When she tells my husband to turn, he turns though, stupidly, he doesn't look and nearly runs us into a bus. I holler and remind him that maybe she knows WHERE the turns are but HE is the one who knows how to drive. Supposedly at least.

We drive and drive and drive and Raelynn falls asleep. I want to sleep too. I try to tune out MIL and her incessant yammering but it's really hard. Her voice and her accent make Chinese sound like an assault on your eardrums. It surely doesn't sound this way when my husband speaks it. After about an hour, she tells Jeremy to turn right into some rundown plaza. My husband explains that this is his mom's friend who makes tea. Oh. GOD. She is making us stop all over her old backwoods, inbred neighborhood to show the village people her grandchild.

The tea lady was really nice though and despite how annoyed I was with MIL, I tried to be friendly. She showed us around and my husband explained how tea is made. Have you ever wondered how they make tea? Yeah, me neither. But it was neat to feel the tea leaves before they're dried out. If we'd stayed any longer, I would have been bored into stone, but thankfully, we said goodbye and off we went. I tried to forgive MIL for being such an annoying, braggy cow, waking up the poor baby just so she could show her off. But then, no sooner than it seemed we were on our way again, she had us stop at another port in hell.

It was another friend's house, which was astonishing simply because I can't believe MIL has any friends. I mean, she has NO life! But MIL's actual friend there was really very nice. She made me instant coffee for absolutely no reason. I didn't ask for it, nor did I refuse the tea she'd offered me. It was a little odd. What was even more odd was the rest of this family though. If you're not already aware, the living situation my husband and I have is unusual in China. It's just us and our baby in our home. In some areas, things are changing so people are living the way we do, but it is much more common for you to live with your parents, even after marriage. So, this woman's 2 daughters lived with her. One was married with an anti-social husband who chain-smoked in an adjacent room during our brief visit, and a daughter who I mistook for a boy based on the way she was dressed and her haircut. The poor child seemed like she had absolutely no idea how to interact with people that weren't related to her. The other daughter was, quite honestly, bizarre. She was wearing a small house dress that seemed too small for her and under it, had a bra that seemed to be affecting her boobs much like Madonna's old cone boobs from way back when. I thought of my friend Aaron Gordon during this time and wished I could sneak a photo of her without appearing rude. The general vibe in this house was nice but socially inept. I was so happy when we left. We'd only been there 15 minutes but it was the longest 15 minutes ever.

Then again, when in the company of people you'd rather not be around, time seems like it goes on forever with no end in sight, doesn't it?

We finally hit the road and to my tremendous relief, arrive at the beach. Never mind that we could have gone to the beach near our house. No, we had to drive out to the sticks. And no sooner than we park the car, MIL has run to my side and snatched Raelynn from me. We stick her in the stroller and then MIL darts back into the car to fetch the most disgustingly ugly hat for a baby I have ever seen. I shoo her away with it and declare it should be burned. The material was like something for a bad prom dress on the 'burn this immediately' rack. So was the pattern. It was vomit-inducing.

Out on the beach, MIL runs off with my daughter all the way to the shore and I lost it. My husband was not very pleased by my behavior, but I was infuriated with his mother. How much nicer it would have been if she'd said to him, "Hey, you guys haven't taken her down to the shore yet, have you? Let's all go and enjoy this special moment together and take turns walking her along the wavelets." But of course she didn't. She hogged the moment all to herself and my husband was perplexed as to why I was so enraged. I would have been happy to share that moment too, but she's just such a clumsy fucking oaf with no concern for trying to make this family harmonious on her end. Sure, I can be a bitch sometimes, but I am always trying to work with her (to her face at least) and always trying to accept her culture. She doesn't give one fuck to learn not even one thing from my culture and THIS is why I get so pissy. At least my husband did intervene at one point and told her we wanted some photos and videos of Raelynn playing in the water. It never did occur to the cow that I would like photos of my time with Raelynn too and not to have all photos of that old witch and her trolltastic feet bouncing about the waves wirh my daughter.

Here are some photos from the beach:

Raelynn with the troll.

At least she's having fun!

Ah, finally got a chance to take some photos with my daughter on the shore.

After the beach, I knew that soon, we'd eat. And that was great because I was hungry. Oh but no! First, we had to drive all the way up the mountain, which I have to admit was really nice but I thought I was going to go crazy from hunger. FIL kept offering me these crappy things that look like dinner rolls (but taste like sawdust) and I politely refused them, though I was so hungry I did contemplate eating them. After another hour driving up and down this mountain, stopping once to take photos at the top, we went back down and found a restaurant. And that was the best part of the day. Raelynn slept through the whole thing and MIL kept wanting to hold her. Jeremy told her no and to drop it which made me even happier than fresh seafood and cold beer. When Raelynn did wake though, I let MIL hold her because I thought I'd be nice and let the old gal be the one to feed her the tofu and spinach soup I'd saved for her. She promptly went running, while Raelynn was still trying to figure out where the hell we were now, no less, to show off the baby to anyone and everyone in the restaurant. Here's a photo of that:

Yeah, people here just have nothing better to do than to take photos of random people's babies. The mountain people are even worse in that regard but they sure are very nice people at least. And yes, MIL is wearing a polo-style shirt that is pink with white and gray horizontal stripes WITH those heinous white pants with navy polka dots that she just loves to wear. I just don't get her. She has a pair of black pants. That would have at least looked better. There is no hope for her, fashion-wise.

After that, we leave and I'm so happy, because I'm thinking we're finally going home. But no. We're not. I suddenly see things that look a bit familiar in this dusty old hellhole and I realize we're going to their crappy mountain apartment. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That was just before 4pm. I was subjected to insanely boring Chinese programming (just 3 channels) on the TV, which my husband and FIL had set to this awful war movie (I despise war movies in any language); MIL's cooking (she felt the need to make more food since Raelynn had slept through most of our time at the restaurant); and then, I was forced to wait another hour there (with that damn war movie on) while my in-laws fertilized the vegetables they are growing somewhere in some crap patch of dirt behind this crusty apartment building. They reeked of manure when they came back in and tried to blame the baby, which really cracked me up. They claimed they only watered the plants but MIL smelled like she fell into a vat of shit. They took showers but put on the same clothes! GOD! These people! We finally got back to our home at 7pm. I have never been happier to see our tiny little apartment on the decrepit side of town.

That was Monday. Today is Thursday. We've been having a splendid week just the 3 of us, enjoying our time off from work. Though perhaps my husband thought he'd be funny and suggested we have dinner with his parents tonight. I was so relieved when he told me they were back out in hillbilly town. Now I just pray that they stay there through the weekend so I don't have to see MIL until I head out to work on Monday. I think I deserve that much at the very least!

I'll end with photos from the top of the mountain:

Our little family!

Our little family plus my in-laws...oh joy!

There's A First Time For Everything

Lately, there have been many firsts for us. Raelynn's first big laugh. Signing on for my first full-time teaching job in China (yup, I got the offer). And my parents' first visit to Qingdao, which includes their first time meeting their first grandchild and their first time meeting my husband beyond our chance encounter while crossing the street in Seoul.

We found them with relative ease at the airport. The only other white people in the airport, at least that I noticed, one of them with shiny blond tresses that I could see among the see of black-haired heads, began waving at me. I might be 35 but the little girl in me is still very much alive. "Daddy!" I screamed and darted over to them, Raelynn along for the ride in the carrier and Lane in tow. Their first time to see me with my own family, they seemed to soak in. Raelynn too was quietly checking them out for the first time.

How we fit all of us and their luggage into the car we'd hired for their stay is still a mystery to me. We headed for their hotel, the Shangri-La, which is the nicest hotel in this city. They'd enjoyed staying at the Shangri-La in Singapore so much that this was a natural choice for them. And it was a fabulous choice indeed. It was my first time inside the Shangri-La hotel in Qingdao. Immediately upon entering, you're greeted with a lovely, clean scent reminiscent of rose petals. The air conditioning is flowing nicely. The marbled floors are spotless and polished to a shine. The carpeted areas are lush and opulent. I almost forgot I was in Qingdao! Mom and Dad checked in and then went off to freshen up while Lane and I ordered a couple beers in the lobby lounge. We set up camp on a cozy sofa and plopped Raelynn into her bouncy chair next to us. As usual, she was a magnet for curious onlookers. Everyone wanted to look at the baby. Some of them tried to touch the baby. And for the first time, I tried to be nice.

Dad was the first to return from the room. He was excitedly telling us that he'd just learned that the other bar in the hotel had buy one, get one drinks. We scooped up our things and then woke Raelynn as we picked her up out of the chair. As she was blinking her sleepy eyes awake, I handed her to my daddy for the first time. And this is the first picture of them together...

Adorable, isn't it?

Mom found us in the bar and after several rounds of drinks, we made our way to the Chinese restaurant in the hotel, Shang Palace. It's a lovely restaurant with carved marbled walls and wood lattice all about. Stunning place settings and oriental rugs. The food is superb too, just as it was in the Shang Palace in the Singapore Shangri-La. Though it was our second time there, it was now Mom's first time to hold Raelynn.

Indeed, my parents adore animals more than babies and children. But Raelynn is different because she is OURS. She's so incredibly cute though that you just can't resist her. That must be why everyone comes up to us everywhere we go. I mean, just LOOK at this face!

I'll thank you to refrain from comments about car seats. Remember, I am in Asia and the rules are different here. None of the safety belts in the backseats of taxis work so there is no way to attach one when you're riding in one. I've seen countless people driving around on motorcycles with small children and babies in their arms so this is nothing!

Can't. Resist. Cute. Baby. Aughhhh!!!

For the next day, we scooped my parents up from the hotel and carted them off to Polar Ocean World. When planning this trip, my father had requested to go to the zoo. He loves giraffes but there are no giraffes at the Qingdao Zoo. The animals that are there are in terrible condition, mistreated and kept in small cages. My first time there was when we first moved here. Xiaolong felt badly that I had such horrible culture shock coming into his country so he thought perhaps the zoo would cheer me up. Normally, it would have, but when I saw how these animals were being treated, all I could do was cry. Knowing my father would be equally as upset with this, I suggested one of the marine parks here. There is also Underwater World, but we thought that Polar Ocean World would be even more exciting since there are seals, polar bears, whales, sharks, eels and those sorts of sea creatures there.

Unfortunately for us, every other creature in China was also in attendance. We watched with great disgust and amusement as a taxi pulled up in front of us and two young women got out and proceeded to vomit robustly into the nearby bushes. We also watched a small boy whip out his weenie and pee into the same bushes though not at the same time the ladies were puking. Once inside Polar Ocean World, we struggled to stay together, kept people from bumping into the baby or unnecessarily touching her and tried to see something or anything! People were everywhere! We did manage to see two sleeping polar bears, two beluga whales, a very fast sea lion swimming in circles, a walrus trying to resist eating a family of tourists posing with it and the trainer, a pool of swimming seals, many fish in very large floor-to-ceiling tanks and a gift shop which had nothing too remarkable to boast except for ice cold air conditioning. I felt terrible that I'd put us all through that. But the day turned around quickly. As we exited, we thought we saw a place selling cold beer. It was no mirage, thankfully. We plopped down into some chairs around a table with an umbrella and 4 of us clinked glasses while one of us sucked on her fingers. Daddy, being keen on the smells of food announced, "I smell grilled squid." And sure enough, the man that had filled up beer mugs with cold Tsingtao draft beer was grilling small squid. I'm usually nervous eating tent food, but this was fantastic. Daddy raved on and on about our squid snack.

My husband and my father getting along famously. It was perfect!

We had a fantastic time sitting by the sea but it was time for more than a snack and beer. It was lunch time. Off to Din Tai Fung we went. I have a special fondness for this restaurant because we went to the location in Seoul on my first visit there. It was what we had for lunch before we saw the play Nanta. And right after that play was when I first met Xiaolong, so it is very special to me for this reason and also for their Xiaolong. Xiaolong Bao, the soup dumplings, that is.

If it seems like we did a lot of eating, you've got that right. My brother and I learned how to really appreciate good food thanks to our dad. So I wanted to make sure that his first time in Qingdao was filled with tasty tidbits. Though he'd made it clear he would like to enjoy Chinese food while here, he had requested to dine at Da Vinci, the Italian restaurant in the hotel, one night. Soothing lighting welcomed us as we entered a foyer that looked like a fancy library you'd find in someone's home with beautiful heavy wood and one of those rolling ladders. But instead of books, there were hundreds and hundreds of bottles of wine. Oh how I want that wall! The food was so incredible too that it was all we could talk about the next day, until the next meal of course.

The next day was one of the best days ever. We went to the Tsingtao Beer Museum, which was my first time but definitely won't be my last. Incidentally, if you are ever going to come here, let me know and I will personally go with you because I loved it that much. It was interesting and there were lots of things to see, plus they give you free samples of beer. It is well worth it to stop in Qingdao just for this experience. After an extensive tour of the brewery, you get let out into a huge room with wooden tables and benches and a bar selling pitchers of Tsingtao draft for cheap. We decided to hang out there for a few pitchers before going off to lunch. We'd been hoping to do our lunch with Lane's parents but somehow there was a misunderstanding about which day. So instead, we would meet with them the following day. My husband, who felt bad about the mistake, suggested the TV Tower. We can see it from our bedroom window actually. At night, it lights up and looks reminiscent of the Eiffel Tower. It seemed like a nice activity for us all to do and we could have lunch up at the top.

Mom and Dad look cute together outside of the Tsingtao Beer Museum in front of the statue commemorating 100 years of Tsingtao Beer.

 
The Tsingtao Beer fountain. No, it wasn't beer in there. It was water. I checked.

Raelynn (who is sound asleep), Lane and I pose in front of what has to be one of the most impressive walls of beer bottles and cans ever.


What a treat that was! In addition to visiting Qingdao for the beer museum,  you absolutely shouldn't miss the TV Tower. Actually, you should do what we did and have lunch up there. For 200 yuan a person, you get to see an amazing view of Qingdao and have a feast that is fit for a king. None of us could believe the amount of food that came to our table. There were self-serve appetizers on a table nearby. As we nibbled on those and took in the impressive view, a royal ton of food started to arrive. Shrimp, sea slug (Mom and I discretely shoved this offering over to our husbands), abalone, sashimi, a tasty dish that my husband said was alligator tongue though his phone's translator can give him some odd translations, lightly fried pork in spicy sauce, something with okra in it that was fantastic and about 5 other things I can't remember. Plus dessert. Plus all the beer and wine you could manage. After all this, we were all so tired but didn't want to miss out on the rest of the tower. Looking at Qingdao from that far up, you don't see the dirt or the things that disgust me about this place (like the piles of garbage or people urinating and/or defecating publicly). It reminded me of Seoul from that far up, and that made me happy.

Qingdao from far above.

Meanwhile, Raelynn was having a hard time being happy. She was tired from being out and about all the time. Normally, she'll just sleep in her carrier. But she really took to my parents. As much as they took to her. She even laughed for them and if they weren't completely smitten at that point, that very much sealed the deal. My mom was a total pro when it came to soothing Raelynn. In fact, dare I say she even seemed happy to jump up from the table at whatever restaurant we were at and go calm the baby down. Like that night when we went to a Japanese restaurant called Teppenyaki in the Darling Harbor area. I'd actually walked by it numerous times and never known the outstanding meals that awaited within. My friend Genesis had recommended it if we felt up for Japanese cuisine. And my parents were both happy to give it a shot. It's an all you can eat type of restaurant and we certainly gave them a run for their money. I could have died happy eating the sashimi there. We enjoyed so many marvelous things from mushrooms wrapped with beef to spicy squid and some incredible oyster dish that was so savory, we ordered more. Oh yes, and all we could drink was included too. I am really not quite sure how much sake we drank but I can tell you it was lots. It was a happy dinner for all of us. Even Raelynn who finally calmed down and went to sleep. She's quite the cranky thing when she wants to sleep. But as closing time fell upon us and they flicked the lights to signal to us and the other remaining patrons that it was time to pay up and go home, they also turned off the A/C. Which of course, caused my diva daughter to wake up and howl. She's definitely just like her mommy.

Our next day's activities were to include some sightseeing and then lunch with Lane's parents. It was important for us to have our parents meet for the first time. We never did have an actual wedding. We just got married at the US Embassy in Seoul. Although we'd love to have a ceremony, we'll be working on doing that in the next year or so. For now, this would have to do. We met at a Chinese restaurant called Hong Kong 97. We'd reserved a table in a private room which we figured would give us more intimacy for talking. Plus, it would be easier to set up Raelynn's chair. I just tried to focus on my parents and tried not to think about how much my MIL annoys me. Even when my FIL got Raelynn to stop fussing and she fell right asleep with her head on his shoulder and MIL couldn't leave well enough alone and just HAD TO take the baby and wake her up like a total moron. I let out an audible sigh and ingested another large beer to calm my nerves. My parents, meanwhile, thought The Qus were very nice. They ARE very nice. I never once said they weren't. More importantly though, I asked for my parents' observations of my MIL's competence and neither one thought there was anything to worry about there. So I, despite not liking MIL very much, will back down a bit. Though I reserve the right to make fun of her here if she does anything like leave pigeon out on my counter for days at a time, store mantou (this plain, doughy bread that has absolutely no flavor) on the ledge outside the kitchen window (which is ultimately eaten by birds, presumably pigeons, which must explain why she feels the need to cook them and leave them on the counter...to show the others she will cook them too), using EVERY single tea cup in the tea set in one day when it is just her and my husband having tea, using the rag for the counters on anything but the counters, letting more flies and/or mosquitoes into the house and more things of this nature.

Someday, I am sure Raelynn will appreciate a photo of all of her grandparents together. Grandpa and Grandma and Papa and Hey-You. 

After a long lunch, we picked a time to meet my parents at the hotel later. But when we did, we were in for some bad news. On the way to Qingdao from Shanghai, my parents had run into an obstacle with Shandong Airlines (which is an awful, awful airline and I will be posting about my peeves with them soon). It is known as Air China (or China Air) in other regions of China and around the world but in the Shandong Province, where Qingdao is, it is called Shandong Airlines. For no particular reason, the airline canceled the flight. With no notification. Meaning that thankfully because my parents are of great intelligence, they had checked to make sure their flight would depart on time from Shanghai before they left for the airport. This meant they had to find another flight fast, which they did. They arrived only a couple hours after they were originally supposed to arrive. But on this night, my parents had just found out their flight that would return them back to Shanghai and to their connecting flight to the US was just canceled (again for no reason). They had to make an alteration to their plans to make the connecting flight back. Which meant they needed to leave at 4:40pm the next afternoon instead of in the morning 2 days later.

Now, I know I'm a grown woman with my own family but although I knew that they would have to return home sooner or later, I couldn't help but burst into tears. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like a small child, no bigger than the precious one I was holding in my arms at that very moment. We were having so much fun together. I missed them. I was savoring every single second of being with them just like we had done with each taste of every meal we'd had during their stay. Having my parents here and watching them with Raelynn was sweeter than any decadent dessert I'd gobbled down during their visit. Xiaolong put his arms around me and held me tight while my mom produced a tissue for me out of thin air. I didn't mean to make them feel badly. It wasn't their fault and there was nothing we could do about it. It just sucked and I felt so sad. We had so much more we wanted to show them. Like the beer festival, which I had previously joked was the real reason they'd decided to visit in August. Now there was no time for that and I knew Daddy was disappointed about it too. We only had enough time for a little sightseeing and lunch the next day. Even the promise of the fancy 5-star buffet in the hotel didn't cheer me up. I just wished they could stay longer. Or that we could go home with them.

I dried my tears and tried dearly to focus on enjoying our now shortened time together. We had another nice dinner and in the morning, we went around the city, showing them the beaches where there was a pretty little castle and other sites like May 4th Square. It was all lovely until we were getting ready to head back to the hotel when we had a minor accident. A woman backed into the our driver's car, albeit slowly, but it caused a bit of damage. There was some yelling, though most people speaking Chinese sound like they're yelling anyway. I could see my father getting tense as he looked at the clock. We had noon lunch reservations and we had to leave the hotel at 2pm to get them to the airport on time. But just as we were getting concerned, my husband returned with a taxi he'd flagged down and whisked us back to the hotel where he further helped Daddy calm down by getting his boarding passes printed. It was a nice lunch despite the looming goodbye in the background.

Raelynn and I with Mom and Dad on top of the castle overlooking the sea.

All went smoothly at the airport and Lane, Raelynn and I walked through the security line with my parents up until it was their turn. I gave my parents hugs and kisses and couldn't hold back my tears. Mom cried when she said goodbye to Raelynn which only made me feel more sad to see her go. I don't think she realized how much she would fall for our little angel. Daddy looked teary-eyed too. But the real tear-jerker was seeing my husband cry when he said goodbye to them. We stood to the side and watched them until we couldn't see them anymore. And then as the three of us walked together, back into our normal lives, it occurred to me that for the first time, I was really, truly someone to be proud of.