Designed By FIL

It's been a hot minute since FIL has given us something to gawk at. Remember all this? Yeah. Just scroll through all that for a moment. I especially love this project.

FIL's been refraining from his half-assed repairs and decorating for a while. But today, he apparently couldn't help himself. I came home and saw this...

I love this silky scroll thing, by the way. We picked that out to replace all the horrible things that my in-laws had in this house when we moved into it. When I first saw this arrangement though, I thought, "Who the hell touched our scroll? Why is it draped over the lamp?"

Upon closer inspection, I discovered this...

See, the lamp's neck was a bit broken. It wouldn't raise up any higher. This didn't bother us. But it apparently bothered FIL. So he decided to string it up and tie it to the same nail our scroll hangs from. Because. Because he's severely touched in the head? I've no idea. It's not like this lamp is miles higher than it was. I just fail to understand the purpose of this repair. Jeremy didn't understand either. He just laughed at my confusion over this and then patted my hand, reminding me that we'll move soon enough. Please God, let us move away from here as soon as we can so I don't have to fight the urge to string FIL up. Why anyone would think this is a great idea is beyond me. Then again, it's FIL so that explains a lot.

FIL Saves The Day!

 Raelynn gives her grandpa a big kiss.

My FIL can be a handy guy to have around sometimes. Sure, he does stuff like this. Or this. Or this. And he never disciplines Raelynn when he watches her, prompting her to be bratty and manipulative. But when it comes to problems involving the electricity, he's the man.

This morning, I noticed my husband was making more noise than usual as he got ready for work. Apparently, the satellite wasn't on. But neither was part of the electricity in our room. Whoever wired the buildings here was probably drunk or crazy, perhaps a bit of both. Sometimes, fuses will blow but all the ceiling lights will stay on and anything plugged into a wall outlet won't. Normally, you just flip one of the switches and it solves the problem. This time, my husband was perplexed because all the outlets in the house were fine except for the ones in our room.

He called his father who soon showed up to check it out. I explained how the ceiling lights were fine as were the electrical outlets in all the other rooms except for our bedroom. So he began poking around the power strips, trying to find the source of the problem. The light on my nightstand was working, we discovered, and suddenly, this propelled him back into the living room to inspect the connecting cords that run along the wall under the couch and through the adjoining wall to our bedroom.

And that's where we found that this whole thing was caused by the most simple of things. The plug from the connecting power strip had slipped out of the outlet. I was so happy that he fixed it, I gave him a hug, which I instantly regretted because he smelled like he desperately needed a shower. To ensure this wouldn't happen again, he went and taped the plug into the outlet because of course. Whatever. As long as it works, it's fine.

Three cheers for FIL! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

What The @#$%

Today when I came home from work, I could tell FIL had been here. How did I know? THIS is how I knew...

Given his fondness of package tape on other items (see here and here), it's rather obvious this was his doing. What you're looking at is a power strip on top of our dresser in our bedroom (along with some of my lotions just to the right of it). Why is there a power strip here? Well, if you've ever lived in this country, they seem to put power outlets in the damndest places, if at all. On the wall directly above this funness, there is an air-conditioner. And naturally, there was nowhere to plug it into. So, we creatively used the power strip to make things happen. I've seen this all over here and have no other conclusion to draw but that it is a Chinese thing (and possibly Korean thing since they do it at our school too but maybe that's because the school is in China). This place is full of half-assed electricians (and half-assed everything, actually).

Here is a closer picture:

Just look at that handiwork!

So now, you must be wondering WHY my FIL did this. Is it his next art project? Oh no. See, this was his way of "protecting" Raelynn. That's because my in-laws are too insipid to actually watch Raelynn. Never mind that we tell them not to let Raelynn play in our room, especially not unattended. They let her into our room and let her do what she wants. So she climbs onto our bed. Then she climbs onto Jeremy's nightstand, which is to the left of all this (not pictured). And from there, up she goes. And instead of curbing that behavior by telling her "No" very firmly and repeatedly and then removing her from there, they let her do whatever she fucking wants. Because they are absolutely the most idiotic and deranged people ever. Back home, no one would let such incompetent boobs watch children. Here, every family has a moron or two that you're stuck letting watch your children. How the population in China is so enormous is beyond me. Every day, I wonder how in the world my husband came from his parents. It is the most perplexing thing I have ever known.

Make Room At The Louvre!

FIL's abstract art project that I wrote about yesterday is finished! Already! 11 days until Christmas and I honestly thought his little collage-thing would take him longer. Then again, that's pretty silly of me since this is a man who uses package tape to secure things to walls (see exhibits A and B).

I must tell you that it's absolutely breathtaking. Yes, that's right. As soon as I saw it, it literally took my breath away!

After my husband and I arrived home today, and after the head troll went off to resume her post under whatever bridge it is she crawled out from under, I was washing my hands in the bathroom before picking up Raelynn. My husband came in to wash his hands too. We were talking about something, which I can't even recall what we were discussing because FIL's art suddenly caught my eye.

"What the..." I say, trailing off.
"What the what?" asks my husband. And then his eyes follow mine and fixate on this with me:

Oh. GOD! Soccer?!?!?!? WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!? Urgh!!!!

My husband looooooooooooooooooooooves soccer. He will set an alarm for 3am on a work night just to catch some dumb game that's happening in Latin America. He played soccer in college and he found some guys his age around here that play soccer for fun on weekends. I am so happy that he loves soccer. But I don't. And to me, this is okay because I know there are plenty of things I like that he can't wrap his head around either, such as my adoration for word games like Words With Friends or my fascination with handbags.

But even Jeremy burst into hysterical laughter with me as we gawked at this eyesore. It's hard to tell from the photo, but this is a collage of soccer moments from a magazine page. He didn't make the collage himself. He did, however, rip a page out of some soccer magazine which he (and MIL) couldn't have been bothered with picking up off our fucking living room floor today. He only taped the edges to the wall, this time using a clear package tape. Oooh! How fancy! It is now completely obvious, to me at least, that FIL has no idea that water destroys paper.

That's not what mystifies me in all this. I live here too. This is MY house. Why are these morons messing up the things Jeremy and I have set up to our liking? Why in the world would FIL even think I would want a piece of paper with soccer players on it in my bathroom?!? It makes me think of when my brother lived in Moscow and he told me how the bathroom in his apartment had been decorated with stickers from the previous tenant in an order like this: car, lady, truck, lady, truck, lady, lady, car, lady, etc.

Now I'm almost afraid to ask what's next. I'll have to go digging through Pinterest to see if there's some sort of craft that can cover this disaster up in a practical (and pretty!) way.

More In-Law Abstract Art

Just yesterday, I was marveling at the bounty of gifts bestowed upon us by my in-laws. Ironically, at the end of that post, I wondered what other surprises we would find in the remaining days before Christmas. Well, I didn't have to wait long! Now FIL seems to fancy himself an abstract artist as well. I guess he wasn't done just taping our towel rack to a piece of wood and then taping it to the wall where it had fallen off. Silly me! I should have KNOWN it was a masterpiece in progress.

Shall we venture into the bathroom for a look? Come along now!

Hey Jenn, what is it we're looking at, you ask? Why, it's a picture from a magazine! It says "Marina City" which is one of the nice malls here, but my flash makes it hard to read. I have absolutely no earthly idea why he did this. It is just paper from a magazine. It is not laminated. It is not fitted onto something sturdier. IT IS JUST PAPER. You should also be aware that, being in Asia, this is a typical Asian-style bathroom. There is no shower stall. You just shower in the middle of the bathroom. Everything gets wet, though when you're cleaning, it is pretty handy. That being said, how he thought this would be a nice touch is beyond me, especially when it would get wet during the next shower.

Perhaps, since their views on hygiene are vastly different than mine, they didn't think about this being a problem. Or perhaps, this is a work in progress. I say this because I also found these sitting on top of the washer:

These 3 pictures were also cut out of a magazine. One has 4 ships; another has some sort of Chinese-style building. My favorite (and yours too) is the thing that looks like the I'm Just a Bill from Schoolhouse Rock after splicing it with a penis. I am not quite sure what he is planning to do with these pictures...a cheap collage of sorts? Your guess is as good as mine.

So you tell me...what do you think FIL was doing with these things? And do you think he'll finish what he started? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook. I'd love to hear what you all think. I'll keep a keen eye out tomorrow to see if we have any more interesting artwork sprout up. Stay tuned!

Christmas Comes Early In The Qu House!

Our tiny little tree, which is actually on top of a table to prevent Raelynn from mutilating it and pillaging all the ornaments.


How I love this time of year! The freezing cold weather (despite the lack of snowfall so far this winter, and I don't count the ever-so-slight dusting of snow that consisted of about 10 flakes falling down on the tops of a few cars that line my street snowing, just so you know). Snow boots (even when there is no snow). Big, fluffy sweaters. Hot chocolate. Holidays. And presents! Who could forget the presents?

Even though they don't celebrate Christmas, my in-laws have kindly gotten into the spirit of gift-giving. And early too. And bitchy ol' me, I just complain about these two nimrods! Shame on me. Today, when I came home from work, I found the following lovely presents waiting for us...

First up, some more handiwork by my FIL. Allow me to first explain that a few days ago, our shitty towel rack came off the bathroom wall. I noticed it when I'd come home and figured MIL gnawed it off with her crackly teeth, but my husband said he was the one to blame (though I honestly think he told me that so I wouldn't scowl at her even more than usual). Well, before Jeremy even had a chance to call the one repair guy who actually does a good job fixing things (the guy who finally fixed the kitchen sink) or allow us to pick out one that didn't look like crap in the first place, FIL took the liberty of "repairing" it himself:

Why, yes! That IS package tape on there! Back in the USA, Tommy Peek is shaking his head back and forth, lamenting over the lack of use of duct tape. But here, oh yes. FIL has taped the bar to some old wood and then taped that old wood to the wall. Isn't it lovely? Here is a closer look:

You can see where the screws were originally drilled into the wall before this hideous bar fell off the wall.  

Here is the other end of the towel rack. That one part stayed in the wall just fine, but FIL wanted to make it match I guess, so he taped it too. I think he has a thing for package tape. Just check out some of his other projects here.

Next up, some gifts from the jolly old troll, MIL!

No joke, this is what my living room looked like when I got home today:

I want you to know that this is not how it looked when I left for work. Maybe she felt it just wasn't festive enough, what with the books actually being on shelves and all and garbage being in the garbage can.

Maybe she felt the chairs looked so much better assembled in this fashion. Books on the floor are the new throw rug, y'all! And dig on the plastic bag on my husband's desk (which I hate that he moved to this location but that's another story), within perfect reach for Raelynn! Wow, she remembered a toy for Raelynn too with a new plastic bag. MIL truly thinks of everything, doesn't she?

More of the mess, which just includes a better look at the table. There are used tissues on there as well as the table top for the high chair, which was dirty. Also, my coffee cup from breakfast is STILL there. Because a sip of cold coffee that has been sitting out all day long is exactly what I want when I come home from work! How did she ever know?!?

I know she went to great lengths to make this detailed of a mess for us, but it just isn't our style. It took me about 10 minutes to pick all this stuff up. I wonder how long it took for her to enact her lazy, room-wide abstract art project. Anyway, here is our living room/dining area just 10 minutes later, once I restored order:

Ah yes. MUCH better! Even Raelynn is impressed with the quickie clean up.

Don't feel too badly that I destroyed MIL's thoughtful gift of redecorating, because she is such a giver. She also gave us the gift of nearly breaking the satellite (not pictured) and tried to pass the blame to Raelynn. Someone unscrewed the cable from the box. I know Raelynn is sneaky and all, believe me, but even she couldn't have been that skilled. If she had, it makes me wonder if anyone is actually watching her, or if they just let her run amok and destroy anything in her path.

So, what's better than almost crippling our connection to quality programming?
GREEN ONIONS!

But it's not the green onions themselves that are special. It is WHERE MIL stored them for us. We shouldn't be surprised, given her history of not putting food items into the refrigerator. They weren't in the cabinets either, which, at this time of year, I wouldn't complain because it is freezing in our kitchen (it's the only room without a radiator). Much thanks to my keen-eyed husband who was kindly making dinner so I could have a break, both for the cooking and for pointing this out:

Hello, green onions, hanging out on the window box outside the kitchen! Still covered in dirt which probably doesn't matter since you're enjoying all the not-so-fresh air fumes of China. Mmmm...pollution-flavored vegetables! 

Here is another shot of the green onions, along with our poor dead plant. You can also see the craptacular courtyard below. Please take note that there is no snow there STILL.

With 13 days left before Christmas, I'm left to wonder what other surprises the in-laws have in store for us. More ugly clothes for the baby? Dear God, please just let her uproot my living room and call it a day instead!

DIY FIL

My  FIL can sometimes be a very handy guy. Emphasis on the SOMETIMES. He's successfully repaired some things around our home. Like the light in the bathroom. Or the laundry rack (which I had MacGyvered with some package tape, though my friend Tommy Peek would likely say my fault was in not using duct tape as the package tape didn't hold). Or the window screens. Or the dresser drawers. Yes, he's fixed quite a few things and I've certainly appreciated it.

But today just wasn't his day for do-it-yourself handiwork apparently.

Yesterday, Jeremy and I noticed the cable connecting the satellite box to the satellite was sticking out from the wall. The satellite was coming in fine but the only explanation for the cord jutting out from the wall in such a fashion was the baby. Raelynn is now quite mobile. If she's not sleeping or in the playpen, you HAVE TO be right there with her to make sure she doesn't touch something dangerous or make a mess. It's not her fault. She's a baby. To her, EVERYTHING is her toy. EVERYTHING is something to eat. And EVERYTHING belongs to her. Of course! So while we were at work, the stupids must have been too slow in stopping her from yanking it up from the wall. All last night until I put her to bed, she kept going back over to the cable and trying to pull on it. My husband told me he would fix it tomorrow.

And now that it is tomorrow, which means it's today, I should have known that Jeremy meant that he'd have his father do the fixing when he said what he said. Even under that assumption, I am still perplexed by FIL's home improvement. Or rather, home unimprovement. Take a look...

Here you can see the cable, which runs from the TV (not in the frame but to the right) through our bedroom to the connecting satellite outside. The cord ran along the baseboard and up the crevice between the wall and door. I thought that my husband would simply run it back along there again and secure it with pins this time. But instead, my FIL, bless his heart, tried to be helpful and this is what we get. He has taken that piece of wood, which is actually a door to a cabinet in Raelynn's room that I have been pleading with anyone who will listen to put back on the cabinet where it belongs, and he has TAPED it to the wall. No fucking joke. Here's a closer look:

Do you see the fucking tape? DO YOU?!? Tape didn't stop Raelynn from ripping a cable off the wall so do you think tape will stop her from yanking a plank of wood from the wall? She's one strong baby. This won't stop her. She'll get around to destroying it, if it lasts that long. Jeremy promised me he'd have a talk with his father about this. Not only is it ugly but it also isn't very effective.

And here is the cabinet in Raelynn's room where that piece of wood is missing from. Yeah. Nice try, FIL. But you have plenty of room for improvement in the field of home improvement!