My Nightmare Summer Vacation

Today is the first day of my month-long summer vacation from school. A time when I should be enjoying the days of summer, filling them with outings with my precious daughter, mingling with friends, plus getting things done around the house and in my life that I've been too busy to think about while the semester was in session. I've worked very hard and I've earned this time of relaxation. Yes, it should be my time, shouldn't it?

But naturally, my dreams of a blissful summer vacation have turned into a hellish nightmare before noon on my very first day! How, you ask? Well, for starters, this hideous creature showed up at our house BEFORE 8am:

What the fuck?!? Right? My husband INVITED her. I am so angry with him right now, you have absolutely no idea. But first, before I go into my rant about that, let's talk about this outfit, shall we? My dear friend Aaron Gordon would have a field day with this outfit. I should point out that she has worn pants that match that shirt before. Of course the shirt is like what would happen if flowers died and were then eaten by a sick goat that then proceeded to barf the whole thing back up again onto some cheap fabric. And these polka dot pants! Sweet merciful fuck! I have to wonder if she is going blind or if she dresses in the dark. I just...I just can't. THIS is what I had to look at before 8am.

Now, the old me would have assaulted anyone who dared to disturb me before 10am, but these days, if I sleep until 7am before the baby wakes me, that is what I consider sleeping in. So it's not like she woke me up. But while I was playing with Raelynn, I heard the phone ring. Then I heard my husband speaking in Chinese. He was using hushed tones so I couldn't hear everything he said, though I heard my name mentioned several times.

When he hung up the phone, he announced to me that his parents would be coming over today to - are you fucking ready for this shit - SHOW ME HOW TO FEED HER FOOD. Did you read that? Yes, they wanted to come over to show me how I should be feeding my daughter solid food. Exactly how fucking stupid do these people think I am?!? I was beyond insulted by this and to add insult to more insults, my husband allowed his mother to come to do this. Each day, she steams an egg for Raelynn. I don't mind that though I have requested Raelynn have some variety. Since that fell on deaf (and apparently dumb) ears, I always give her other foods when I get home from work: meats, vegetables and fruits. I was shocked that this stupid old cow would come into my fucking house to show ME how to make eggs. I KNOW HOW TO MAKE EGGS! I KNOW HOW TO FRY THEM. I KNOW HOW TO SCRAMBLE THEM. AND YES, I KNOW HOW TO STEAM THEM! GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Jeremy had made it sound like she was coming around lunch time. So imagine my astonishment when I hear the troll herself rapping her gnarly old goat hooves on our front door. I'm still in my pajamas! My first day of vacation before 8am and already, it is being tainted with stress. She comes in and proceeds to gabble away about making eggs for Raelynn. I tell her in Chinese, "Xiexie, Mama, dan shi wo bu shagua." Which means, "Thanks Mama, but I am not stupid." She laughs and thinks I'm funny but I'm dead serious as I give her the death stare with the utmost of insistence while she continues to talk to me like I am some completely base person who has never once even seen an egg, let alone cracked one open.

After she prepared the steamed egg she deemed me too unfit a mother to prepare my damn self, she insisted she feed it to Raelynn because I am obviously so mentally deficient I cannot get food into my own daughter's mouth. So I strangled the laundry as I watched in full-on rage while this vomitous beast cooed at my daughter in my living room before 8am on my first fucking day of summer vacation.

Before she'd even gotten here, Jeremy and I had been negotiating. He felt his parents should be able to come over EVERY day on MY vacation to see Raelynn. I flipped out. I think that's really unfair, don't you? I'm the one who brings home the most bacon here. I have patiently waited for this break to come so that I could enjoy this precious time with my even more precious daughter. And this feels like a huge slap in my face. It says to me that I'm not important enough but because my face is white and I am an expert in English, I can fucking support our family and let those yokels take over raising Raelynn. I'm not having it.

I roared. Jeremy and I then spent the next 30 minutes before the troll arrived negotiating this point. No way could they come every day. How about they come once a week for dinner instead? Oh I know, what if they come Monday through Friday in the mornings from 8am to 9:30am? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!? And so went the negotiations until I agreed that Monday mornings, they could come over from 8am-10am to play with the baby while I stay in our bedroom in the confines of cold A/C to kickbox, and attempt not to kickbox their old, idiotic heads out the window.

At least tomorrow Raelynn and I have a lunch date with a friend of mine and her baby where us grown-ups will enjoy a nice bottle of wine and evidently have much to gab about. Being that she is married to a Chinese man too, perhaps she'll have some advice on what to do in my situation.

In the meantime, the house is quiet as Raelynn naps and my thoughts simmer down a bit. I'm still quite angry with Jeremy. Even angrier at MIL. But now that I've vented, I guess the best thing to do is be proactive. And that means now that I have more free time, I can spend it looking into HOW we can move to America in a few more years, which means we will be FAR from that ancient demented zombie and her overbearing ways. Now that's the ultimate vacation, isn't it? Freedom from her! Hooray!