Thursday, November 6, 2014

Hurricane MIL Destroyed My Kitchen

Hurricane season just ended in my home state of Florida, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to Category 5 disasters right here in Qingdao. I cannot even begin to stress to you all just how happy I will be when my kitchen no longer winds up looking like this:
Or when we live in a place with a whole different kitchen. One that doesn't suck. One that isn't constantly being invaded by people who do THIS to it.

Please note that the above photo was taken AFTER she did some cleaning. Yes, AFTER. I had tried to snap a photo before but got caught up with the baby. She must be catching on that when I say, "What the fuck is this shit?!?" I'm talking about the unholy messes she's created.

Let's discuss this mess, shall we? She's piled a ton of cookery on the stove. She's left 2 giant containers of oil out. She left an assortment of dishes on the counter, next to her jumbo board she uses for rolling out dough for dumplings and that sort of shit. And that dirty rolling pin...memo to myself: go check the fucking drawer of kitchen utensils because you know old batshitcrazy MIL has probably thrown it in there without washing it. Oh and dig the dirty oily rag on the counter. I was just discussing that with an avid reader of my blog in the comments on another post. No matter how quickly Jeremy and I snatch up dirty rags and throw them in the wash, she will even more quickly grease up and grungify another one. If we didn't do that, I shudder to think how long she would go without washing a rag. Hang on. I almost threw up thinking about that. I think that will be what I use when I feel myself overdoing it on sweets. I'll think of the rag and I'll gag. And then I won't want to eat anything.'s just crazy enough to work! Goodbye, last bit of baby weight!

This is the other counter. The dish rack has been moved here, thanks to Jeremy. Don't ask. I hate it here. Although it DOES free up a lot of space on the other counter. You know, so MIL can stick random shit by the sink.

Anyway, just look at this shit. She never puts anything away. A bag of flour. A bag of peanuts. A pot filled with some meat dish. She served it to Jeremy but didn't even think to serve it to me. Pity, because it actually looked and smelled decent. No, no, no. Better serve Jennifer the baozi I know she hates. Baozi and cucumber sticks. Yes, my lovely daughter-in-law won't lob them at my big, fat lopsided head. NOT. You can see some of the baozi (those are steamed, stuffed buns by the way, in case this is your first time here) in that bowl by the electric kettle. And hey, by the blender, dig the beer mug FULL of green tea leaves. No joke.

 I moved it to the kitchen table to take better photos and show my husband. Lest anyone ever complain about the price of tea again. Or have any questions about who is wasting it. I'll give you a clue...MIL!

Just look how much tea is in there! Sweet Lord! And why are you using our beer mugs?!? My in-laws are so bizarre. Instead of using the countless coffee mugs we have, they use beer mugs or a glass I'd use for cold water to make their tea.

Half of that beer mug is filled with tea leaves! Gah! I give up. I'm going to throw in the towel. Or in this case, the oily rag.


  1. You got to love those oily rags. I really do not know how MILs are doing this but any rag they touch turns into a disgusting oily mess. I just know one thing for sure, my MIL won't be allowed in our new kitchen! Just NO!
    When she was with us two times already she ended up "reorganizing" every cabinet so that in the end the whole thing didnt make sense anymore. Just who puts different kind of spices into clean bowels and empties all tupperware to stuff in weird things (the tupperware we actually needed to take food to work...)

    And the tea. I just dont know. When my in-laws drink tea they have just a bit inside their cup but god knows what they think when they prepare tea for me. The cup is always so stuffed with tea that I can barely drink it due to the extrem bitter flavor

    1. It's because they never wash those rags. Like EVER. Hey, if you ever feel like throwing up, imagine seeing your MIL wipe down the counters with the oily rag, then washing her hands (and I use the term 'washing' loosely) and DRYING THEM ON THE RAG. Yes. Mine does this. I freaked out when I saw it and made my husband talk to her about it.

      Oh and MIL reorganizes our stuff too. Or throws out stuff we need but leaves garbage sitting around. Tissue on the floor? Eh, why bother. What's this? A smoke detector? How useful! I better throw it out. And I'll dump tea leaves on that shit too. I mean GOD! How in the world is my husband related to this woman?!?!?