Tuesday, May 28, 2013

How To Piss Me Off In Less Than 10 Seconds

Would you like to be able to piss me in just fractions of a minute? My MIL has found the absolute fastest way to enrage me. If you would like to incur my wrath, please follow this exactly and you too will get to see me foam at the mouth in severe agitation.

When I come home from work, be sure to have my precious daughter run up and greet me. That way, I will not be able to miss how you fed her God-knows-what concoction for lunch and didn't bother to put a bib on her. And when she stains that nice, new shirt she received as a birthday gift, don't bother to wash the food off straight away. Oh no, no, no! Let it really sink in there and stain. Then, make sure you hand-wash a fucking pair of my daughter's socks and hang them to dry while they are still sopping wet ON TOP OF clothes that were already hanging to dry so you effectively re-wet those clothes.

To top it all off, you can stand there like a total fatwad and watch me as I change my daughter out of this stained shirt, change her into a new shirt (and try to tell me that shirt is too small for her which it is so fucking not) and scrub the fuck out of the shirt you essentially ruined. Yes, be as useless as possible. This will seal the deal for sure.

Seriously, this is what happened to me today. I don't want to look at this woman ever again but I have no choice. I am actually surprised she didn't turn to stone when I gave her the look of death. What a total imbecile! I heard my husband tell her it would have been more helpful for her to have washed that shirt right after Raelynn got food on it than to bother with washing some socks. I held my tongue out of respect for him and also so Raelynn wouldn't hear me but I just wanted to ask her how she could possibly so incredibly moronic.

I shouldn't be surprised, should I? I am going to take all the clothes she has bought Raelynn recently, dump soy sauce on them and let them sit FOR DAYS. Let's see how she likes that.

I don't have a photo of the stained mess, but I do have one of the way she put the dishes (which she likely washed in cold water instead of hot because she is just THAT dumb no matter how many times we tell her) on the drying rack. It's priceless. It must be tough being so insipid.

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