Monday, September 15, 2014

Get To Your Place

When I was a little girl, we had a dachshund named Snoopy. Actually, my dad will tell you his real name was Maximallian or some crap like that but my brother, Phillip, influenced the change to Snoopy. He was a great dog. He even saved me from the neighbor's evil doberman when it'd gotten loose. But even great dogs are sometimes naughty. And when Snoopy was a bad dog, we always told him to "get to your place!" Or "GET!" for short. I need to start saying this to MIL.

If you remember the giant blowout at the end of last week, then you'll know that to avoid any further altercations, I've been requested to pick out Raelynn's outfits the night before her outings with the invalids. Which I did. But of course, MIL went back on her word. Last night, it was muggy when I picked out the clothes. I picked a Hello Kitty t-shirt and pink shorts. Well, apparently this wasn't warm enough attire for this morning. She put her in a pink polo shirt and black polka dot pants. It actually looked okay enough, I suppose, though I have always kind of despised polka dots. But these pants I didn't mind because the dots are quite small and the style of the pants is actually more akin to leggings. In colder weather, I always pair them with a red, black and white ladybug dress that's become a bit too short but with these leggings-like pants, looks fabulous.

I'm not angry with MIL because the weather changed. I'm angry because that old bag, despite changing her into this other outfit, bought Raelynn even more pants. More polka dot pants! 2 of the same pair! And they're not any thicker or better than the 20 other pairs of fucking pants this child has.

Of course MIL thinks this shit will go with everyfuckingthing. She's ALWAYS wearing her vomitous polka dot pants. I have photos of her wearing them in this post, if you want to see.

Polka dots are not my style, but when done right, or paired with the right things, they can look really smart. MIL just throws polka dots with anything she sees. Or flowers.

I complained to Jeremy who was as aggravated as I was. He actually told someone at church yesterday that he couldn't wait to move away from his parents because they interfere in everything we ever do and contribute to Raelynn's bad behavior all the time. I hope we can escape before Seoul gets too big to be influenced by those neanderthals.

Speaking of Seoul, all her clothes are hand-me-downs (except for one thing my friend Natalie sent - thanks again, girl! xoxo) and all the pants she has available to her as the weather starts cooling down are bigger. Why didn't MIL buy her some pants? No, she HAS TO buy more pants for Raelynn because a closet full of them is just not enough. She has to constantly butt in and push our limits. You're not the boss of us, bitch. Watch your fat, old ass.

I'm angry that my husband specifically told his parents not to do something and they deliberately disregarded it. And that we came to an agreement about having me pick out Raelynn's outfits in advance and she just pushes and manipulates until she gets her way. I asked Jeremy if he could help me make a sign in Chinese that says "Get the fuck out of this closet and go fuck yourself," but he wouldn't let me. He didn't get mad like he usually does when I suggest these things though so I'm thinking he was quite tempted to put the sign up himself. He DID do that to a big refrigerator box someone left in our stairwell for a week though. Like the bike that took up space, it sat there on the landing between our floor (6th) and the 5th floor. A closer look at the box would reveal it had been for apartment 801. So those lazy assholes just dragged it down a few floors and left it. I can't be sure exactly what he wrote on there but I hope he dropped a few Chinese f-bombs in there. When the box still hadn't moved, he kicked the crap out of it and launched it down to the 5th floor landing, spilling out packing foam all over the stairs. That finally did the trick because when we came back, the box, the foam and the angry Chinese note from my husband were all gone.

I was really agitated by all this earlier this morning, but Jeremy reminded me that soon, Raelynn and I will go back to school and MIL won't be able to dress her like a street person anymore. We'll just have to worry about Seoul. And he's given his word that if his parents do not keep things sanitary and put her in any danger, that he will do something about it. I hope so because if not, I'll have to maim them with my bare hands. Or use these pants and the other fugly shit she's ever bought to tie them up and kick them down the stairs as I yell "GET!!!!"


  1. The fashion sense of many older Chinese is rather interesting/ wild. I really wonder sometimes what they are thinking going out in their sleeping clothes (at least those clothes look like it). Or how some grandparents dress their grandkids...OMG! Whenever I see a pictures of my wife's younger cousin (5y.o.) I get too much and dont ever want to leave our kid alone with those people!!

    1. My theory is that they rummage through the closet in the dark and pick the first top and bottom them find. Voila! Or perhaps they dig through the dirty laundry basket. I'm sure MIL does that. She'll wear THE same thing for days on end. The smell is vile. In the states, we don't wash every article of clothing after wearing it just once. Yes for undergarments and shirts but for jeans, I've worn them a few times before washing them. Here, you can't do that because of the dust and pollution.

      You better not leave sweet little Nathan alone with those people. Have you seen how they cut Chinese boys' hair? It's horrible. And the clothes! They'll have him in split pants with no diaper or undies in mere seconds. Then they'll let him pee and poo all over the place. I feel sorry for children here. They have so little to look forward to.

  2. Another thing with boy babies is that their grandparents over feed them. They look like little Michelin Men! Coming from the US, I probably shouldn't say a word, but China is going to have a serious obesity problem in a decade or so. They may not have the superzized people...yet. What's alarming is the speed at which their weights are increasing. You can clearly see it when you only visit there every couple of years. Also, because the grandparents pride themselves on shoveling food into their grandsons' mouths, the boys don't develop age appropriate table manners. We had dinner with a 9 year old boy. Oh my god. Food was flying all over the place. He couldn't use chopsticks. He couldn't use a spoon. It was bizarre.

    1. You know, I've often told people back home in the states that China is a strong contender for the title of fattest nation. Even the skinny people here are skinny fat, for the most part. Most people here don't workout. I hate the fat little boys here. Michelin Men is a very accurate descriptor for them. You know what I find funny though? That there are so many more boys here than girls. Fast forward 20 more years when these fat guys are looking for wives and they all marry foreigners because they don't want to be stuck with a fatso for a husband, or they'll choose the few fit ones. Oh who am I kidding? They'll marry the fattest ones if they are rich enough. THIS is why I was SO happy to have girls.

      A nine year old boy should be able to eat by himself. Were they feeding him there or was it because he'd been fed by them all his life and now was trying desperately to feed himself in that situation? How sad. A couple years ago at my school, we had a little girl who was 1/2 Chinese/ 1/2 Korean. When it came to lunch, she was screaming and crying in Korean that she didn't want to eat. My first thought was maybe she didn't like the food. But I later found out that wasn't the problem. It was because the grandparents had fed her up until this point and this chubby little girl did not know how to eat by herself. She was 5. After a week at our school though, she was eating all by herself. I wish Asian parents would realize the harm they do their children by neglecting to teach them independence. We had to yell at MIL to let Raelynn eat by herself. My husband was furious with her. Oh and she would let Raelynn skip vegetables in she ate her xifan. What a moron. Like that's so nutritious. Ok, I better go kickbox before I lose my temper again! LOL!

  3. The boy wanted to sit near my kids and practice his english, but his grandparents were on the other side of a large table. He's used to being fed by them and was unable to function alone. He seemed like a bright little guy otherwise. It's sad he's been handicapped by them. Obviously they mean's a classic example of killing with kindness. I just read an article which said the rate of diabetes is higher in China than in the US. Scary! The people here are bigger, but 80% of Chinese people have central obesity, where their waists and bellies are larger than they should be in proportion to the rest of their bodies. I think the Chinese diet is not nearly as healthy as they think. It could be, but all those white carbs, my god. Noodles, pancakes, bings, baozi, FRIED DOUGH for breakfast. Don't even get me started on the &@$#* mantou. Every time I see one I just have this urge to throw it up to the ceiling and see if it sticks.

    1. That poor boy. Elderly Asian people should really take notice of this if they expect their countries to have any positive impact on the world. So what...when these grandparents die, how will this kid feed himself? Or do anything for himself?

      I'd believe it about the diabetes. They think their cooking is so healthy but vegetables that are fried in too much oil are NOT healthy. My husband at least knows this and tells his mom not to fry things so much. She still does but at least he tries to stop her. Everyone here is shaped like a box. How unattractive. Not that the morbidly obese back home are any more attractive. And I hate mantou. HATE IT. It has no taste. I've complained about it many times in this blog though I can't remember which posts exactly. If you fry it in a pan and put salt on it, it actually has some flavor but then is even worse for you. In a pinch, it can serve as the platform for pizza though. MIL tried to make me eat mantou the other night. Not only did I not want to eat it in the first place, but also this woman tore me off a chunk with her bare hands. I do not want that cow touching my food. Ugh.