Sunday, February 26, 2012

You Can't Stop It

I've chosen this photo of Raelynn for this post because, well 1) she's just too adorable and 2) she is a force to be reckoned with as she crawls across our bed at break-neck speed. This photo was taken as she lunged toward the camera, likely in an attempt to grab it and then try to eat it. Oh Raelynn!

"You can't stop it."

That's what Jeremy said to me earlier as I sobbed into his shoulder. And suddenly I saw the light through my tears. See, all week, I have been pushing the inevitable out of my mind. Just trying to focus on spending the last of my vacation with my daughter. And trying not to think of my bumbling MIL coming on Tuesday morning to care for Raelynn while I'm out. Especially that.

Jeremy's right though. I can't stop time. I wouldn't want to either. I'd miss so much if I did. Even difficult moments like this one. Which has been even more trying since Raelynn seems to be teething right now. As great as it has been to be home with her, it's time to go back to school. The sooner I do, the sooner I'll be on summer vacation. Sure, I absolutely despise summer here since no one turns on the air conditioning (and if they do, they put it on like 26 degrees Celcius so it's still hot as all hell indoors) but Raelynn will be big enough to take to the beach. She can wear her adorable little swim suit that my folks got her. Plus, she can play with her beach toys. Which we actually played with in her playpen the other day. I needed something new to distract her. We'd been playing for a while. I'd read to her (3 books in a row) and the instant I try to leave the room to - heaven forbid - use the bathroom, she totally has a spaz. So, I tossed the bucket o'beach toys on in there with her and watched with glee as she babbled to herself while banging the plastic shovel against the bucket.

Even before summer hits, we've got Raelynn's first birthday. I still can't even believe I had a baby. Me. ME! That crazy girl that once was has channeled her inner crazy into positive avenues. And now I'm a mom. Amazing. It's hard to believe that she's almost one too. It really has all gone by so fast. I remember the day she was born, holding her for the first time, then wearily reaching into the little crib they'd wheeled up next to my hospital bed and her just grabbing my finger and holding it while staring at me. And now that tiny little person has grown quite big, loves to stand up, pulls our hair, squeals with delight, has the best laugh and does about a zillion other things that have us solidly smitten with her.

True, I can't stop it. Any of it. I can only roll with it. And look on the bright side of it. What, you might ask, is the bright side of leaving your child with a dusty old woman who you can't at all stand? Oh, just that MIL will likely be driven crazy trying to keep up with her. Which, on the brightest side of all, is why we're looking for other options so we don't have to leave her with the troll anymore. Roll baby, roll!

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