Give Me A Break!

Yesterday, I saw this article on the Shanghaiist. In case you're too lazy to click, it's about a bunch of dancing aunties (sometimes known as dancing grannies) who refused to dance somewhere else and are annoying the animals and patrons of the Shanghai Zoo. Dancing aunties have become somewhat of an issue here in China. My friend over at Crazy Chinese Family has written about his own Chinese MIL and her dancing. It's a thing, one I wish my MIL would get into and dance far away from here. For now, she just sings annoying ancient Chinese songs out of tune.

Anyway, the article pissed me off enough for me to bitch briefly about it on my Facebook (both my personal page as well as my blog page) and so I knew I had to devote a blog post to it.

First, here's a photo of a typical dancing auntie ensemble, from The Australian:

Dancing aunties aren't really that old. Look at these women in this photo. And look at the women in the Shanghaiist link I provided at the beginning of this article. Do these women look frail and decrepit to you? No? Yeah, not to me either. So why then are police afraid to tell them that they should find another place to dance?

Here's the end of the article:
The women, who've chosen the amphibian and reptile area as their disco arena, have been told repeatedly by staff to obey the rules, as their noisy music disturbs the animals.“Other visitors have also complained about the loud music. It affects the animals and disturbs their reproduction activity," a zoo official surnamed Ye said in a Shanghai Daily report. One of the ladies, however, reasoned that “the animals enjoy the music and watch us dance.” Ye said the zoo had reached an agreement with the dancers a while back to stay 10 meters away from the reptiles, but that's all gone out the window.
He said that because of their age and because "some of them have high blood pressure and other diseases," all they can do is try to persuade.

Yes, really. Check out that Shanghai Daily link too. No offense to Shanghaiist but the Shanghai Daily article is better written and additionally provides more details. I discussed this with Jeremy who of course defended these "old" people. He said they pay taxes and there's not many places to find where they can dance. He says America is a larger country with less people. That may be so, but what does that have to do with following rules? That is China's problem, I tell him. That no one here obeys the rules that are set up.

In America, if there were groups of dancing grannies, if they happened to congregate in an area that they weren't supposed to, someone in authority would likely come along and tell them politely that they were violating an ordinance and would need to find another place to go. The grannies would likely obey that and find another place to do their dancing. If anyone got surly, they'd likely be hit with fines. And if they took it to an extreme level, they'd likely be ushered off to jail. But I don't see that happening. But here? Oh, but I'm old and frail! You'll make me die by talking to me like an adult and telling me, even kindly, that I cannot dance here.

I don't know about other parts of the US, but in Florida, when I worked mall jobs I always noticed that as soon as the mall was opened up by the security guards, swarms of old people would come in to get their exercise. They would walk all over together to get their exercise in the chillingly refreshing air-conditioned mall. Not once do I ever remember these people making too much noise, impeding the walkways or causing any other problems. They did their thing and were usually gone before the stores opened and the shoppers came. And these people - now these people were old! Definitely older than 50 and 60. 

And guess what? I pay my taxes back in the US. If I were breaking some sort of public rule and someone confronted me about it, I would stop immediately. I would go dance elsewhere. There are plenty of other places to go. Here, it's all about making laws and no one obeys them. Jeremy tried to tell me that wasn't true but then I brought up something that disgusts him - smoking. They made a law about smoking in certain places. Go anywhere in any city in China and you will see "No Smoking" signs posted in many places. And right by them, you'll see some loser puffing away. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we've gone into a restaurant with "No Smoking" signs posted on every wall and then someone will light up right there. Jeremy will usually smile politely and point at our children and ask them to please not smoke. Everyone cooperates then, thankfully, but my point to him about all this was that no one follows the laws here and THAT is the problem with China. Things will always be behind here because people think that the rules don't apply to them. How very sad.

I hope those dancing aunties realize that not everyone wants to hear or see their dancing, there are plenty of other places to dance and that no, the animals do not want very loud, bad music and stomping near their habitats. And I wish everyone else would realize that older people here are not going to just drop dead when you ask them to obey the rules - whether you are polite about it or you call them all sea hags and chase them away with a broom. Additionally, I wish the alligators would come out of the habitat and enjoy the slow-footed ones for lunch. I'm always rooting for the animals.

I Can't Even...

I think I'll just sit in a permanent facepalm position. Remember my post from yesterday? Three separate idiotic airplane incidents here in China caused by stupid and/or selfish fucks. Well, add a fourth one to that, won't you?

This time, 2 female passengers got into a brawl over their seating arrangements. You can read the whole story here.

As for me, I fear that when we take our next trip down to Guangzhou for Jeremy's visa interview, which we will be scheduling soon, that some buttwipe will pull some crap like this and cause our flight to turn around. Or when we go to America.

So this is my message to you people of China: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! SIT IN YOUR FUCKING SEATS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SHITTY NOODLES!

Because let me tell you assholes something...if you do some fool shit like these other people did on a plane that I happen to be on, I will take a diaper full of my baby's shit and shove it in your fucking face. I think the other passengers on the plane will be happy to assist with this. So please, chill the fuck out and get your shit together.

For The Love Of...!!!

Dear China, we need to talk. There have been 3 separate incidents in as many days regarding some of your citizens aboard airplanes which leads me to believe that a severe outbreak of stupid is reaching epidemic levels in your country.

First, there was the flight from Bangkok, Thailand to Nanjing where 2 very selfish and moronic people engaged in an argument with a flight attendant and then threw steaming hot instant noodles onto said flight attendant. I believe I recall Xi Jinping imploring you folks to stop eating noodles whilst traveling. Which makes me insane for many reasons, but primarily because I cannot even fathom shelling out money for airfare and hotel in a new destination only to hide in my hotel room and eat some shitty convenience food instead of trying the food from another place. Something is wrong with you. Very wrong. Really.

Then, there was this selfish prick who wanted to get off the airplane faster so he opened the emergency exit, which in turn, deployed the emergency slide and caused the plane to be 2 hours late for take-off for its' next destination. Can I just ask you what kind of a moron do you have to be to not understand the words "EMERGENCY EXIT" printed in big red letters? It's in Chinese too for God's sake! It's just like the idiots who don't lock the doors to the airplane bathrooms on Chinese flights, even though it is in English AND Chinese. Hence, every single time I've had to use the bathroom when flying around China, I've walked in on someone using it because it says "VACANT" because the imbecile inside didn't lock it.

And today, I saw this one of some yokel who had never before been on a plane and of course did not listen to the safety instructions before take-off because he opened the emergency exit to get a breath of fresh air. At least this idiot opened the door over the wing so there was no emergency slide to deploy.

The level of stupid here is seriously astonishing. It deserves to be in the Guiness Book of World Records. "Most Stupid People Assembled in One Place at One Time." Congratulations, China. You're a winner!

P.U. That Stinks!

The other day, my husband and I had an interesting discussion. It began as he took the pillowcases off our pillows. “Are you doing the laundry?” I ask him. Of course he’s not but I’m curious as to why he’s doing this, especially since I washed those badboys a few days ago. But! He DOES say we need to clean them. They need “fresh air” he explains. And as he says this, he opens our windows on a particularly smoggy day to hang them outside. To freshen them up.

Please let this sink in for just a moment. Now, you all know I love Jeremy with all my heart. And while he’s a very smart man, he will do random things like this that make me want to hit myself in the face with a brick because NO ONE should believe this is ok. It’s not. And I know who taught him this. You do too. My in-laws! And it’s not even their fault because the government here issued a statement about how smog is GOOD for you. I’m not even joking. Click here if you don't believe me.

I tried my hardest to explain to him that our pillowcases (as well as the rest of our bedding) had just been washed. “But they need to be out in the sun!” he declares, like they’re some poor children who have been locked away from society for decades and are desperate to play hide and seek in the garden. And with that, he takes our 2 remaining clamps for hanging laundry outside (MIL broke or dropped the 20 we had when first moved here and although I told this to Jeremy dozens of times, he acts surprised now that there are only 2 to work with now) and he puts our pillowcases out in the “fresh” China air.

He tells me they need an hour in the sun. I should also mention that because it was smoggy, there really wasn’t much sun out there. I tried to explain this but was told we MUST do this for our health. I give up. I bite my lip to try not to laugh because this is my life and it’s just hilarious sometimes that my husband’s bizarre cultural upbringing gives us moments like this.

An hour passes and Jeremy retrieves the pillowcases from outside. I’m sitting on our bed nursing Seoul. He tosses our pillowcases over to me. And I get a whiff. GOD. WTF is that smell?!? I shit you not, it smells as though an old man went running and wiped his sweaty ass with our pillowcases. In fact, had I not been sitting in our bedroom this entire time, I sincerely would have suspected that’s just what happened. But no. THAT is what happens when you hang something outside to dry or air-out in China. How exactly is that healthy for us? Back home, I always used a dryer for my clothes but on the few occasions I did hang something outside, it never once smelled worse after washing and drying it than when it was in the dirty laundry pile in the first place. Here, dryers are expensive and although we can afford one, we have no room for it in our home. So I hang everything to dry but INSIDE. Because I KNOW how it smells when you hang something outside. When we first moved here, the first time I washed our sheets and blankets, I was treated to this horrible stench because I had nowhere else to hang these things but outside. And 4 years ago, we weren’t getting such bad smog in Qingdao. Now it’s even worse.

Of course, I made a big stink (pun absolutely intended) about the way our pillowcases now reeked. And I promptly put them back into the laundry basket. They’ve since been washed and have been drying happily inside our home. And just so you know, they still smell like Tide. Not like old man armpits, thankyouverymuch.

If Everyone's A Winner, We're All In Jeopardy!

I've been enjoying my summer vacation with my daughter, mostly inside with the A/C blasting away, far from the throngs of tourists that make the beaches here look like this:

It's been fun, but of course, all good things must come to an end. School starts next week and I have to admit, I'm really sad about going back. It's not a horrible job, mind you, it's just that I've really been enjoying being home with Raelynn. She's learned so much and now talks my ear off all day long. Plus, we've worked so hard on her terrible 2's tantrums. I'm sure my in-laws will fuck that all up when I go back to work but I am hopeful she'll remember what her Mommy has taught her.

I want to teach my daughter well. I want her to be happy, healthy and successful. Of course, I don't want to see her fail or be sad. But this is all part of life, isn't it? It's up to me (and Jeremy too) to teach her how to handle her disappointments with class and to learn from mistakes she makes.

That being said, I found this article about a boy who appeared on the TV show, Jeopardy!, to be completely disturbing. In case you're too lazy to click the link, an 8th grade boy competed on Jeopardy! and made a spelling error in his answer (or, question rather, as the game gives you the answers and you are to determine what the question should have been), thus rendering him incorrect. Now everyone is up in arms about this. And it makes me furious.

Here's why:
Some time after I finished school, before heading off to college, overly sensitive people who became parents became outraged when their children didn't win at something. Whether it was not getting one of the coveted spots on the football team or cheerleading squad, or not winning the spelling bee, these parents and their kids whined and cried until they got their way. This sad trend caught on until the Everyone's-A-Winner logic became the norm. Instead of children accepting defeat graciously, these folks taught them to act like sore losers. So what if you didn't deserve to win? Here's your trophy.

It's absolutely pathetic.

So now, we've got a boy who should be absolutely thrilled that he beat out thousands of other children to get the chance to compete on Jeopardy!. He gets to be on TV and he wins $2,000. Yet, here he and his family are, whining away about how unfair it is. Oh, poor YOU. I bet if the child who won first place on this show had made a spelling error and they let him pass with the answer as being correct, this very same boy and his family would be complaining that that child should be disqualified because they spelled it wrong.

In another article (which I cannot seem to find right now), they accuse the host, Alex Trebek, of being surly when relaying the news to the boy that he spelled his answer incorrectly. For real?!? Oh, poor YOU some more!

I feel so sorry for this boy. Not because he lost. But because his parents obviously never taught him the art of losing gracefully. While I will always hope my daughter wins in the things she competes for, I know that it's unrealistic, and cruel, to expect her to. And to set her up for that kind of failure is equally as cruel. If Raelynn wins, great! But win or lose, I want her to know I love her more than anything and I'm proud of her for trying. How sad that there are people out there that don't know this.

Sexism And The City

There are just 2 days until it's my second blogiversary. It was a great day to start my blog because it was Mom's birthday (not to confuse you too horribly, but I have 2 moms - one that gave birth to me and I was lucky to know for 9 years and another that came into our lives when I was a surly teenager and loved me anyway - and right now, I am speaking of my first mom). If she were alive today, she might not be happy with some of the things I'd write but I'm quite sure she'd respect my right to write them. This post that follows is for her, and my other mom too. Because both of them would definitely back me up on this.

On the way to work the other day, I noticed that outside the Shine City Mall (isn't that the best fucking name for a mall???) by our house, they had draped a large banner over the side, advertising for a place called Be You World. What is that, you ask? It's a play park for children where they can try out different careers, much like that Wannado City at the Sawgrass Mills Mall back home that apparently closed. That sucks. I remember when my friend Aaron and I were at the Sawgrass Mills Mall and wanted to go in there and they wouldn't let us. They said we needed to have a child with us and we were SO disappointed and briefly contemplated borrowing someone's snotty sticky-apple-juice-hands kid. But anyway, there's something like that here now and I will likely get to go check it out in the next semester when we take the children for a field trip. Aaron is jealous as he's reading this...I just know it!

But the more I look at this giant banner strapped down to the side of the mall, the more annoyed I become. Take a look:

The first thing that bothered me was that these 2 cartoon character children HAVE NO NOSES. I repeat: they have no noses! Second, in the smaller pictures, the graphic artist who designed this continues on a trend of laziness after leaving off noses to use the very same pose of the girl with the major cowlick for 2 of the 3 pictures of her.

But as irksome as those things are, there's one very large issue lurking on the side of this mall here: the issue of sexism. Now, if you know me, you know I'm not a feminist. And I'm not against feminists either. I'm quite grateful for the many women who stood up (and continue to stand up) for our rights. And I'm also not against women who would rather stay home and do what some people classify pathetically as "women's work" because that IS work and it's hard work. But I think women should have a choice on the matter. If you want to stay home and take care of the kids and the house and your family won't starve on one income, by all means, go for it. And if you want to be out in the work force earning your fair share and being compensated properly for it, you go girl too.

And thus, I come to my point. Aside from the stupid space-kid outfits the larger versions of the boy and girl don, look at what the girl is wearing in the smaller pictures. A stewardess uniform. A nurse's uniform. AND A FUCKING PRINCESS. Don't get me wrong on this either - if girls want to play "princess" I think it's beautiful and wonderful, even though I'm quite sure princesses don't do the things we suppose they do like sit around waiting in the tallest tower for the handsome prince to come and kiss her for a happily ever after. I mean, look at that Princess of Monaco. Come to think of it, she never really looks very happy, does she? Anyway, I find it appalling that this is a so-called career choice at this facility. Why, instead of using this experience to be a teacher, a doctor, a pilot, a police officer or any other actual career, you can just have your child dress up as a princess and stand around. I think for Disney World, that's perfect. It's the place fairy tales are made from. But if the whole point of this Be You World experience is to try out different careers, then I think that having "princess" as an option is missing the boat entirely.

There is nothing wrong with being a nurse or a stewardess, but I find it insulting that the girl character is shown doing these things. The boy is dressed as a firefighter and a chef. How typical! But what about this girl? She can't be a doctor or the pilot of the plane if she wishes? I remember very well when I was in first grade. My teacher had asked us what we all wanted to be when we grew up. Back then, I changed my career choice every other day. I had wanted to be a vet. Then a matador (which I practiced using a red towel on our dachshund, Snoopy). I think maybe I wanted to be Iron Maiden's mascot, or in Iron Maiden itself. Or was it Van Halen? I don't remember. But anyway, I do remember that at this point in time, I wanted to be a doctor, just like my daddy. And I told my teacher so. I will never forget what she said to me. Ever. "You can't be a doctor. You're a girl. You have to be a nurse." No fucking joke. She said this to me. Naturally, I repeated this crap to my mom when I got home and she gave the teacher a piece of her mind. I remember Mom telling me to forget what my teacher had said because it wasn't true. She (and my dad and brother, and my other mom too once she came onto the scene) always told me I could be anything I wanted to be.

The thing about that is that you CAN be anything you want to be, most of the time. But there's still the old white boys club mentality out there. It was alive and well at my old advertising job. America claims to be a free country yet there are so many inequalities, it's ridiculous. Women have rights but we're paid less than men on the same level as us. And if a woman breastfeeds in public in America, bring out the stones. Seriously, sometimes I am actually relieved I live in crazy China.

China is not a free country. Le duh. But here, you do see some women doing what would be classified all over as "men's work." Many families are poor so they take what they can get, even if it's a hard construction job. There are plenty of women bus drivers and taxi drivers too. And the whole staff that helped me deliver Raelynn? Women. But yet, our society and China's too, are very similar in that we (and they), despite having no restrictions on what jobs you can do as a male or female, have these antiquated portrayals of what roles we SHOULD serve in this world.

And that's rather alarming, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I don't want my daughter growing up and thinking she's got to fit into that mold. Not my kid. I will not raise her that way. The only thing she's got to fit into is our loving arms.