Sunday, July 15, 2012

There Is No Tomorrow

No need to worry, friends. Tomorrow never dies, for us anyway. But for MIL, her dreams of tomorrow have been smashed to bits, delivered in the form of a powerful punch wrapped in a big smile filled with my poorly-spoken Chinese. No, she's not dying. I wouldn't gloat about that. I will, however, boast about my victory today.

If you recall the incident on my first day of summer vacation, then you will no doubt remember how my husband and I negotiated tirelessly about allowing his troll-faced goon of a mother to come over to see the baby. Even though that manipulative beast gets to spend about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with Raelynn when I'm working. To keep the peace, I agreed to let her come see Raelynn for 2 hours on Monday mornings. I figured I could use the time to do a really heavy workout. Most other times, I get my exercise by jiggling Raelynn to sleep (believe me, that is a major workout ever since MIL broke the baby chair) and sneaking in ab and arm exercises while she is otherwise occupied. It certainly works though I have to say I do like getting it all done in one big shot.

So today is MIL's big day. It's Monday. And naturally, despite being told she could come from 8am-10am, she was calling us at 7am and inside our home by 7:15am. Her ploy to sneak in extra time? She brought breakfast. Nothing I wanted to eat, mind you. She just did this to look like the ever-helpful mother to her son and the rest of the neighborhood because that's all the people in this country care about - what other people think of them (though I have to be honest, if you all care that fucking much, take care of your fucking teeth and shower! And would it KILL you to dress in matching clothes? I mean come the fuck on!). I'd been in the bathroom when she arrived so when I got out, Jeremy assured me she just came to bring breakfast and she would wait until 8am to spend her time with Raelynn.

Fine, I grumbled and scowled in her direction. Raelynn was still asleep anyway, for once not waking me up at 6am. My husband kissed my forehead and told me not to worry as he sprinted out the door for his morning run. As for me, I knew better. I know damn well what happens when you give MIL an inch. That cow had it planned out all along. After Jeremy took off, she tried to pick up Raelynn and I told her not until 8am. She then started blabbering on and on about how tomorrow she wouldn't be here before 8am and I just gave her the stink eye. "Mingtian?" I say to her (which is "tomorrow" in Chinese). Yes, she tells me. Tomorrow she'll come and that's when I halt her. "Bu bu bu. Meiyou mingtian." I tell her. Translation: "No, no, no. There is no tomorrow." She put on her best sulk but I'm not buying it. I know she's going to try to guilt Jeremy into letting her come.

When my husband does return from his run, we eat (I attempt to anyway) the breakfast she's brought us. It's gross. It's some flavorless rice soup, a cucumber and some shrimp-flavored fried potato things that look like hashbrowns. Those were okay I suppose. Oh, and my husband made me eggs too because he knew without them, I'd have starved. Over breakfast, I tell him what she said. He assures me not to worry and that she will not be coming tomorrow.

After eating, Jeremy gets ready to leave for work. And I get ready for my workout. He says goodbye to us and that's when MIL tries to play the oh-woe-is-me-I'm-an-old-lady-who-has-no-fucking-life-so-I-must-constantly-interfere-with-yours card. She ASKS him about tomorrow. Yes, while I am right there. After I have told her NO. And I love you Jeremy, because you had my back. You told her no too. Thank you.

I am happy to meet in the middle. I am happy to give her a little time once a week while I'm on vacation if it will keep the peace. But I refuse to have her try to run our family. This is MY family. I rule this roost. You ruled yours. You did your job. Now go learn how to bake and knit like other grandmas. Go do something with your husband. Go, go, go and let us exist in peace!

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