Butt Out!

Every time I see my in-laws, they always rise to the occasion and make sure to do something that's either A) unsanitary B) stupid C) dangerous D) annoying or some combination of the aforementioned items. Yesterday during dinner, it was D) annoying.

My husband wasn't yet home from work so Raelynn and I were stuck eating dinner with MIL and FIL. I hate eating with them. I hate eating the food she makes too. She always tells me everything is "hao chi" which is Chinese for "delicious." And as a writer and master of the English language, I hate calling things "hao chi" even if they are because they only have 1 word to describe it when things could be so much more than "hao chi." As you may have guessed though, most things she makes are far from being "hao chi." They are, in fact, the opposite of that. See here for example. Or just about everything listed here. So it is highly irritating when you are trying to choke things down to be polite when some asshat keeps shoving things in your face and telling you it's "hao chi hao chi hao chi" when it clearly is not. Or telling you it's healthy when it's been cooked in gobs of oil. Oh! Or my favorite, which she did the other night and my camera was charging so I couldn't get a photo - she made some nasty thing that looked (and smelled) like swamp farts and alligator shits and she told me that it will make me even more beautiful. I almost peed my pants from laughter. You see, if this thing really made people more beautiful, she wouldn't look like, well, like she looks now. And all the people here would really be way more attractive if that were the case.

Anyway, while I was being tortured with their company and MIL's cooking, we were watching TV. Spongebob was on and Raelynn was happily watching it. But soon, it ended and I told her I was going to change the channel so Mommy could watch something Mommy wanted to watch. The next show coming up was The Thundermans and I think it's soooooooooooooooo terribly trite. But Raelynn starts freaking out and throwing a tantrum, which she's prone to do. She does this with us all the time but we don't cave. We never change it when she's in the middle of watching a show she really likes (unless she's been bad and then we do so as a punishment) so when she acts like this and tries to control the TV, we tell her she can go to her room if she doesn't like it. Which is what I told her.

But my in-laws are both upset. They're telling me to change it back. NO. Absolutely not. I refuse. And Raelynn cries some more. And FIL starts bitching at me. And I bitch right back. They always butt into everything. Since Jeremy's been obsessed with Pulp Fiction for the last couple months, all I can think about is Samuel L. Jackson as Jules saying, "I don't remember asking you a goddamned thing!" That about sums up how I felt during this situation.

This is MY house and MY TV and furthermore, she is MY child and I say what goes. Raelynn, who is used to her idiot grandparents giving in to her every ridiculous whim, decides that since I won't change the channel back to Nickelodeon, she's going to spit on me. So now I order her to leave the table and go to her room. In fact, I escort her there. She cries and cries and I tell her simply that her behavior is not good and she needs to stay in her room until she can be nice. I close the door to her room and sit at the table again. FIL goes in there to talk to her and I explain to MIL, the less stupid of the two, that I don't want her acting like that when my parents come to visit or when we go to the US. I decide enough time has elapsed and I go to talk to Raelynn to see if she's ready to rejoin us at the table.

When I walk into her room, FIL tells Raelynn that Mommy is sorry. Um, no. No, I'm not at all sorry for setting proper limits for my child, and I'll thank you very much to not tell me how I should feel which only serves to make me even angrier than I was before when you tried to undermine my parenting. I shoo him away and I talk to my daughter, who is crying because she knows she was wrong. I tell her I miss her at the table and ask her if she can be a good girl and come sit with me. She says yes, and tells me she's sorry for being bad. Then, off we go, back to the table to finish eating.

My in-laws seem amazed that there's no more tantrum and that Raelynn has accepted that she doesn't get to control the TV all the time. This is exactly why we want to leave here as soon as we can. Because our daughters are still young enough that we can keep this from adversely affecting them. Jeremy and I refuse to give in to everything they want because we know what will happen. We know that giving your child every single thing they ever ask for will only create entitlement, and worse, never train them to accept disappointments with grace. Because life is full of disappointments and I want both Raelynn and Seoul to be able to handle the bad when it's dealt their way. I refuse to let my in-laws sabotage my children's future. True that grandparents should do some spoiling, if it had been my parents at the table last night, they would have let me do my thing. They would never have told me to change the channel back to stop Raelynn from crying. If they DID disagree with my parenting, they'd tell me privately and not sabotage my authority in front of my child.

China is full of people just like my in-laws. Which means there are billions of spoiled, overindulged children who will never learn to do things for themselves or figure out how to deal with it when something doesn't go their way. And that, my friends, is truly a frightening reality.

Mooseknuckle, Anyone?

Who's hungry? Well, if you are right now, you certainly won't be when you take a look at this creation by MIL.

 Dear Lord! What IS that mess? It looks like she melted a whole entire yak into that pot. Thankfully, I didn't have to eat it. She knows better now that I will not eat unrefrigerated creature. She left this out on our stove. Shame on my husband for allowing that too, but he likes eating boiled mooseknuckles or whatever the hell this is, even if it's been sitting out on the counter overnight. Or for days. And according to my other friends with Chinese spouses, this is a very typical thing Chinese people do - the whole leaving the food out thing. It totally freaks me out.

Also, loooooooooooove the wonky dumplings she probably left out all day long with this decomposing carcass. On a plate. In a plastic bag. Because Qingdao people love their plastic bags. Ugh.

Blargh! I should totally print this photo out and tape it to the cabinet where all my candy bars from my mom are. That will keep me from snarfing them all down at once. Actually, that will keep me from eating anything again. Ever. This looks like a cauldron of death, doesn't it? It's like she goes out of her way to make her food extra gross.

Despite this disgusting mess in my kitchen, I was at least able to make a normal dinner tonight. I waited until Seoul fell asleep before I began cooking and MIL kept pestering me that she wanted to hold the baby. MIL, you were with Seoul all day. I get only about 2 hours - if that - of her being awake when I get home and I'm NOT giving her to you for that time. Dinner will wait until she sleeps. No one will starve if we have dinner at 6:30pm instead of 5:30pm. In addition to nagging me every 5 minutes about getting to hold the baby, she kept singing stupid Chinese songs. SHUT UP! No one wants to hear you sing, especially not me. I gave her the death stare and she put a lid on it. Thankfully she left soon after that. Of course, when Jeremy got home, he served himself up a side of yeti soup here to go with my offerings of cheesy pasta, tofu salad and roasted cabbage. I had to look the other way while he ate it so I could try to ingest some of the meal I'd prepared.

MIL - ruining food by cooking it her way since at least 1950.

Gross!

So here's a quick post to share the grossness that I was subjected to earlier. Because I can't keep this shit to myself. Why should I be the only one to suffer? And yes, I already told Jeremy. In case you were wondering.

My in-laws have been watching Seoul while Raelynn and I are at school. When we get home, I go enjoy my cuddly precious baby by feeding her, talking to her, playing with her, singing, dancing...whatever she's up for until she falls asleep. To help me be able to have this time with my tiny baby before she suddenly poofs into a big girl like my darling Raelynn, MIL cooks...yes, STILL. And my apologies incidentally on not photographically documenting it. I'll try to do that again soon. I'm just exhausted this week as I get used to being back at work and most nights, am busy holding my sweet Seoul while I eat so I can have more time with her. Anyway, MIL also bathes Raelynn for me, which is truly a big help.

I heard Raelynn screaming and some general discussion in Chinese regarding smelling bad. Which I found ironic, considering who was saying it. I finish feeding Seoul and come out to find MIL bathing Raelynn in the bathroom while FIL is in Raelynn's room folding up the dirty clothes she was just wearing and trying to put them back in her closet. EVEN THE UNDERWEAR.

Please let that sink in for just a teensy moment, won't you? MIL is bathing Raelynn and FIL is putting the clothing she was wearing all day - running outside, playing on the playground and getting dirty in pottery class - back into the closet DIRTY. AND he's putting her underwear in there too! Now, I'm all for putting some things back in the closet if they haven't been subjected to the kinds of things a toddler is subject to at school, but never ever ever is it OK in my book to put underwear you've worn all day back without washing it. Or put it back on right after you bathe. DEAR LORD! And these people had the nerve to tell her she was stinky and needed to take a bath. Yes, she needed a bath but I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to tell those 2 they smell like they've been playing with wet dogs. At least we can understand WHY they smell so badly...they wear the same things day in and day out, including their underwear, and do not wash them! And they do not bathe regularly! Gah!

Oh! Oh! And my husband told me something very interesting this evening. We were discussing visa things and he told me that his father told him that he didn't want to come to America to visit us whn we move there. Rude!

I asked why that was and Jeremy said his father likes Qingdao and doesn't want to go anywhere else. Bats in the belfry, man. Now, I don't really want him (or MIL!) to visit, but I'm sure I must allow it at some point once we're settled in over there. MIL wants to visit of course and you know that old cow will try to stay with us FORFUCKINGEVER and I am hoping her tourist visa would not be valid for a long period of time. GOD. Don't let this woman come stay with us. We'll just come back and visit them. Anyway, I'm kind of pissed about what FIL said. Not because I'd miss him but because his only grandchildren will be living in their home country and he won't even go visit them. What a dick. His loss. I have to at least give MIL points for wanting to come. She's never even been on a plane. Ever. In her whole life. That should be interesting trying to explain to her how airports and airplanes work. Or how to get her tourist visa from the embassy when we're ready to entertain her. When that happens, count on me blogging about it. For sure!

Step 3: In Progress

Family and friends got treated to this wonderful news yesterday but I was too tired and busy to slap together a post publicly. We were notified that we may now schedule Jeremy's visa interview!

We're very excited because, as you may recall, we initially filed our I-130 petition for an immigrant visa down in Guangzhou on September 2nd. That's pretty speedy. We completed the 2nd step before the Chinese National Holiday last week. Now the 3rd step beckons.

Before we schedule our appointment though, we must make sure we have all our documents and forms in order. Because it would suck severely if we got all the way down there only to realize we'd missed something which would slow down our process.

If you look at the photo above, in the 3rd item, it tells us to download the Immigrant Visa Instruction Packet and follow the instructions. So we do as it says.

This is just page 1 of a 9 page document, which sounds horrible but actually only the first 4 pages are in English and the remaining pages are the same document translated into Chinese so my husband can read this in both his 3rd language and his native language. I had printed it out so we could use it as a checklist, checking off what we've got and gathering anything we need.

Jeremy only needs to get his police report, which takes just a few days, and have it translated into English. He needed a few other passport photos as well. You can see on the photo above of this document that they require 2 more passport photos. They wanted 2 passport photos when I was submitting the I-130 at the embassy. For the 2nd step, Jeremy had to send in 2 more passport photos. This step requires 2 more photos and when he goes for his medical exam, he must bring 5 passport photos with him. Holy wow. That's a lot of photos!

I also need to prepare the I-864 support form and am eternally grateful to my wonderful Daddy for all his help in comprehending that document and filling it out properly. Thanks Daddy!

So we're waiting a few weeks before we go to schedule the appointment, but last night, I got a major headache in the form of 2 hours of research when I should have been sleeping. Small baby + back to work + this visa stuff = 4 hours of sleep for me. But I want to pay it forward to anyone who is currently going through the US visa process with their spouse (or about to do so) and save them the pain and exhaustion I went through to check this.

As I mentioned, Jeremy needs a police report. On the form, it's noted as a "police certificate."

If you are in this visa process too, THIS IS MY WARNING TO YOU! Please make sure you read that paragraph carefully. Hell, read EVERYTHING on this document round-up carefully. Don't skim over it. DON'T. As tedious as it is, make sure you look at every single requirement listed under every single item or you will miss it. We almost did.

See, Jeremy can get his police certificate for China fairly easily. But there's a 3rd item listed in the police certificates category that states that if the applicant has lived in another country for 12 months or longer, they must get a police certificate from that country. IF that country has them available. Some countries don't. My husband, as it turns out, lived in South Korea for 4 years. So according to this requirement, he needed to obtain a police certificate from South Korea, if it was available, in order to have ALL his police certificates.

Now there's a pit in my stomach. We're so close and now this sets us back. But wait, let me look it up online and find out what to do for this, I tell him. So I spend 2 hours digging through forums and reading the US government's official websites and I finally found what I needed to know. Save yourself 2 hours, people and do this:
Look up at the last photo and follow my finger. Under the police certificates section of that form, you'll see a link to a website. Click it, or just click here if that's easier for you. 

After you do that, you'll see a search bar with a "GO" button next to it (see the above photo). Type in the name of the country you're trying to find out about regarding police certificates. In our case, it was South Korea. Then you scroll on down until you find "Police Records." Read there to find out if that country requires a police certificate or not.

I was elated to see this:

At the very bottom: Applicants outside of Korea: Unavailable.

After that scare, we have checked, checked and rechecked the required documents and all the requirements for those documents and we will probably check, recheck and check check checkity check some more, before we make the visa interview appointment. And then while we're packing for that trip. And then again before leaving for the airport. And then again in the hotel. And then again in the waiting room.

I hope that information helps at least one other confused person undergoing the US immigrant visa process. For now, this gal is going to check check check out the back of her eyelids and get what I hope will be more than 4 hours of snoozes. Please keep sending your good vibes our way as we continue through this process!

Surlier Than Surly

I was expecting my first day back at work to be much worse. But you know what? It was pretty nice. I have a few less students than last semester, but the ones that have returned were being so good today. Some of them even told me, "I missed you," which made my heart melt. It was a nice distraction from missing my precious Seoul, who survived her first day in the care of the head troll, thankfully.

At the beginning of last semester, you might recall the problem I had initially had with Surly. He was the bus driver that was too lazy to drive an extra couple of minutes to my stop. It bothered me for many reasons, the first of which was because I was pregnant. Secondly, I had Raelynn with me. And thirdly, because students are required to pay a bus fee, I'd PAID for bus services for my child. You can read more of the Surly saga here.

Anyway, today I was expecting to see our pal Surly when we got on the bus. But instead, there was a woman bus driver. I talk to her briefly since she doesn't know who I am. I tell her where Surly had been dropping us and she says "hao hao" which is "OK" in Chinese.

But as we get to the last stops before ours, she speaks to some of the Chinese teachers on the bus and now she doesn't want to take Raelynn and me to our stop because of the same lazy-ass reason Surly had given! See, just before you arrive at our main road, there's a street she turns right on where she is to drop off the bus when she's done dropping off the students and teachers. It is no exaggeration that this is just a couple minutes from our destination.

Now I'm livid. This woman is now telling me via the Chinese teachers she's about to drop off just before her beloved right turn that she doesn't want to take us there. I PAID FOR BUS SERVICE. Why is this so difficult? Why is it an argument with these people EVERY fucking time I need them to do their jobs? I hate people here. Seriously. Something is totally fucking wrong with you if you can't 1) do your job and 2) if you'd leave someone with their small child far from their bus stop.

She's pulled the bus to the side of the road and turned it off, refusing to budge until she makes some phone calls. She calls the school but can't get anyone there who has any information about the bus routes. So one of the Chinese teachers helpfully suggests she call Yang Shufu, or Surly himself. After talking with him, she huffily says she'll take us to our stop today but not tomorrow. "She says maybe you should take a different bus tomorrow," one of the Chinese teachers explains. Which is EXACTLY what Surly had said last semester. He gave me so much attitude until he realized I was married to a Chinese person. Maybe I should have told this bitchy bus driver that too.

She starts the bus and proceeds but she turns down a side street that's parallel to mine because she doesn't want to have to make the u-turn that Surly always made after she drops me off. U-turns are legal here unless otherwise posted, in case you were wondering. So she arrives at the intersection of Harbin Road and Nanjing Road and instead of turning left at the light to officially bring us to our stop where the city buses also stop, she turns right. Because she doesn't want to make that u-turn. And because it's totally normal to send someone with a small child to cross a very large and busy intersection even though they paid for the bus service.

At this point, Raelynn has fallen asleep so now I must take my bag, her bag and my other bag with my breast pump, not to mention Raelynn herself, off the bus and cross the intersection twice to get to where the actual bus stop is. The surlier than Surly bus bitch was saying something to me about my daughter being asleep as we got off the bus. Some sort of "isn't that cute" kind of remark and I told her I hoped she got mauled by a bear. But I doubt she understood since I have no idea how to say that in Chinese. I'll talk to the school about this mess in the morning and if they can't help me, I'll ask the gals that translate there to help me say "I hope you get mauled by a bear" for my next encounter with that bitchy bus bitch or anyone else who doesn't want to do the job they're paid to do.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho...

Tomorrow, it's back to work I go.

Technically, last week was the last week of my maternity leave. But much thanks to the Chinese National Holiday that was going on this week, school was closed so I couldn't return to work until tomorrow - Monday, October 6th. I'm very thankful to have had this time off, and even more thankful to have had an extra week on top of it because honestly, it went by way too fast.

I wish I could stay home with Seoul all the time. I'm going to miss her and you know I'm not at all thrilled about having to leave her with the idiots. But going back to school means Raelynn goes back too, and she needs school. She needs to get away from the idiots even more than Seoul does. Raelynn's behavior has become worse from being subjected to them. Seoul's just a baby who drinks breastmilk and sleeps most of the time. I just hope my in-laws remember to be sanitary. God, please let them be sanitary. And please let this kid take to bottles of my breastmilk as well as she's taken to drinking my milk straight from the tap.

And please, let my students have mercy on me. Augh.

I'm kind of looking forward to seeing those little munchkins. Some of them anyway. The Chihuahua is gone, thankfully, as are a few of my other students, some of which I liked a lot. And you know, it's not a bad job either. I work with some really nice people, so I guess it could be worse. Like some jobs I used to know.

But anyway, I've mentioned before that my dad carries a card in his wallet that says, "Don't be sad because it's over. Be happy because it happened." And that is exactly what I'm going to try to think of tomorrow as my maternity leave/vacation becomes a thing of the past. I'll think of those wonderful moments I've had during this time, the most notable of them being the birth of Seoul. How about the first time we went out as a family of 4? That was nice. Then there was the time I dropped ice cream on the baby's head. And who could forget our trip to Guangzhou? We also celebrated our 4th anniversary. And then we got that wonderful letter from the US Embassy approving us to begin Jeremy's visa process, which we're currently in the middle of.

Now I've got the future to look to. The rest of the visa process which will be a long and windy road well worth the travel, another package on the way from my folks (thanks again Mom!) and even better than that...2 months paid vacation in January and February PLUS a visit from my parents during the Chinese New Year. But in the immediate future, I look forward to shortly after 4pm tomorrow, when Raelynn and I will get home and I can hold my sweet little Seoul in my arms again.

Now That's No Picnic

I was so excited for today. Jeremy had told his mother to leave us be for the Chinese National Holiday. Of course, she refused to take the hint and sent her husband over with roasted chicken later this evening, long after dinner, but that's a whole other story.

This story is about how we decided to go out for a picnic today. We packed up a bag filled with sausages, cheese, bananas, cookies, water, Cracker Jacks, marshmallows, and some mini candy bars (those last 3 things courtesy of the amazing package my folks just sent). We grabbed a big mat and a frisbee and hit the road. Before we left, we discussed where we should go. I'd suggested the vineyard out by the mountain as well as Sculpture Park, which is on the beach right near my school. Jeremy thought the vineyard was better because it's really pretty there and he was worried the beach park would be too windy.

So off we went. Our GPS on Jeremy's phone kept shutting off. So each time, Jeremy pulled over to get it fixed. Finally, it was talking again and as we were driving down one road gabbing away, BAM!

The glass on the window next to Raelynn shattered and the car spun in a circle. Raelynn screamed and I did too, once I heard her screaming. I was terrified she was hurt. I knew what had happened. I'd been hit by a drunk driver 13 years ago and remembered the scary feeling that car accidents tend to bring. I was lucky then and today, I was even luckier. Because my beautiful children were with me and they were both fine. THANK GOD.

Jeremy and I were fine too.

But before we knew that, Raelynn was now screaming and crying. She was scared to death, reaching for me. I unbuckled her and held her in my arms along with Seoul, who had been sleeping until this all happened. Now she was crying too. It's then I notice Raelynn has a small mark on her face. We get out of the car and I see the other car. Two young women are inside. I shout angrily at the driver and she cowers. She looks even more ashamed when she sees our 2 children. She should be ashamed. She t-boned our car. We definitely have a guardian angel.

 Here's our car after the accident.

 Here is the other driver's car. Jeremy took this right after it happened so she's sitting in the car with her friend calling the police.

Speaking of the police, it took them 40 minutes to come check out the accident. Seriously. 40 minutes. Only in China.

 It was a good thing we'd packed for a picnic. Because as we waited on the side of the road, Raelynn became hungry. You can see her booboo as she eats this banana. Jeremy had run to a nearby store to get her a band-aid. Poor Raelynn!

Here is the intersection where the accident took place. This is how our cars wound up. She hit us so hard we spun all the way over there. She was looking for a street and not paying any attention. She was also going over the speed limit.

While we stood there, a man who happened upon us shortly after the accident offered his vehicle to us so Raelynn could sit down and so I could breastfeed comfortably. We were sitting on a wall. We politely refused. He bought us water and a small toy for Raelynn and he stayed until we were leaving to make sure we were ok. It's nice when you meet people who are that kind. I was beginning to think there weren't any of them left.

Raelynn cried a lot but mostly because of the car. "My precious red car got smushed!" she shrieked. She was more worried about the car than herself.

The good news is we're all ok, though we're keeping an eye on the children just to be certain. The woman who ran into us and her friend came with us to the hospital and took care of the fees for checking out both Raelynn and Seoul. She'll also be covering the costs of repair to our poor Aveo. At least it is fixable though.

It was a lousy day, but it could have been a whole lot lousier. We're just thankful it all worked out and we hope tomorrow is a better day. We'll take the bus.